


Fractured

by ChloeWinchester, Johniarty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Asylum, Caretaking, Developing Relationship, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dubious Consent, Fantasy, Fluff, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Sexual Content, Situations potentially seen as sexual abuse, Unrealistic portrayal of modern mental health practices, johniarty, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 03:45:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeWinchester/pseuds/ChloeWinchester, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johniarty/pseuds/Johniarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim Moriarty can't remember how he ended up shot, with a gun in his hand. He didn't do anything. Three years later he sits in yet another asylum, strapped into a straightjacket, scared out of his mind. His blackouts haven't stopped, and he doesn't know why he's being restrained. He's accepted his harsh and confusing life, until his eighth doctor arrives to take care of him- Dr. John Watson, a good man who, above all odds, actually WANTS to help him- and the other four people currently inhabiting his scarred body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW WE NEED TO POST MORE OF THIRTY YEARS, BUT I MADE A COVER FOR THIS AND GOT WAY TOO EXCITED ABOUT POSTING IT.
> 
> The usual applies- Jim (and James, Jimmy, Richard, and Moriarty, and even Sherlock and Greg) was written by ChloeWinchester, I wrote for John and some of the orderlies, and many tears were shed. Also, she's a way better writer than I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: THIS IS A WORK OF FANTASY AND DOES NOT ACCURATELY DEPICT PROPER MENTAL HEALTH FACILITIES OR TREATMENT. IT IS ALSO NOT AN ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF MENTAL ILLNESS.** In hindsight this was a very harmful piece to post, but I'm going to keep it up as a reminder of how I've grown as a person. I apologize for the portrayal of DID and multiple personality, as well as the treatment facility, and I am very, very sorry.
> 
> -John

Jim Moriarty knew that he was in an institution. He knew that he had been dubbed criminally insane and was going to be kept here for the rest of his natural life. But he didn't know why. He had no recollection of doing anything criminal, let alone insane. He'd had it rough throughout his life, sure, but getting abused wasn't illegal, was it? Not for the victim. He didn't know. Not a damn clue. But the staff here was terrified of him, strapped him down or put him in a straightjacket to administer food or medicine. Sometimes the orderlies changed. Sometimes they whispered outside to others, sometimes they asked him strange questions like why he bit that woman's finger off the last time someone brushed his teeth or what made him stab out his last doctor's eye with a paperclip. He didn't understand why people made up such wild stories... He did know that he slept quite a bit, and sometimes, when he woke, he'd be in a totally different place than when he'd gone to bed. Sometimes when he woke back up again it had been days, or once, a month. He assumed that's what his craziness was. Copious sleeping and sleepwalking. Maybe he'd caused a car accident once, or... He didn't know. And no one would tell him. So he went through his routine like usual. Today, however, was different. Today he'd be getting another doctor. His eighth doctor, in fact. He wondered how long this one would be able to stand it.

John adjusted his lab coat and followed the orderly through the maximum security wing. "Doctor Watson, you need to be careful. Mr. Moriarty's... dangerous. Violent. His personalities shift from time to time, and they never seem to remember what has been said to one another. One might adore you, one might want to tear your guts out and decorate the walls with them." The doctor smiled sadly. "I've seen worse. Why, um. Why is he here?" He'd read a bit in the papers, years ago, while he was still overseas. "When he was younger, he just... fractured. He was broken when he was brought to us. Wouldn't speak, terrified. Stayed with us for a few years, until... he came out. And he was furious. Killed two orderlies in his escape and dropped off the map. Until the explosions. And the bodies. Creative killings; always gory, always sickening, always a signature. JM. With the help of psychologist Sherlock Holmes, we were able to find him and capture him. After a few weeks of treatments, we were able to force that violent side down. Temporarily. It comes back more frequently, and with the past few years he's started lashing out at doctors and nurses. Just... be careful."

Jim sat quietly and contentedly in his chair, wrapped in a straightjacket but for all he reacted it could have been a sweater. He looked around the room, counting the cracks in the wall and the number of patterned diamonds on the much more luxurious chair set out for his new doctor. He blew air through his lips, bored, but what else was new? He was always bored.

John watched as the young woman opened the door. He gave her a small smile and stepped inside, taking his seat across from the bound man. "Good afternoon. I'm doctor Watson, I'm your new physician, and psychologist."

Jim nodded. "I figured you were. No one else comes to talk to me."

"They don't take kindly to visitors in the maximum security wards. How are you feeling?"

Jim bowed his head a little, staring at his knees. "'M fine. 'M always fine."

John ducked his head to meet Jim's gaze. "We both know that's not true."

Jim looked at him but didn't lift his head. "So?”

"I need you to be honest with me, or I won't be able to help you."

"Right now, I'm...bored. And I don't want to take that medicine," he said, nodding to the small cup of pills.

John frowned. "Why not?"

"Because. They make me go quiet and I get all foggy. Sometimes I pass out and when I wake up I've been moved and I don't like it."

"And what if I promise not to move you?"

"How'd you like to be drunk for eight hours and nothing can sober you up?" He challenged.

John sighed. "I can't let you give up your medication."

"Didn't figure."

"In time, if you show an improvement, we can see about trying you on a different type, to see if it helps with the fogginess you experience."

Jim shrugged. "What am I supposed to improve on? If I eat all my vegetables?"

John bit his lip. "I don't know yet. This is my first day with you, after all."

Jim just sighed again. "Alright, then let's get this started."

"Sorry to make you jump through these hoops again. What is your full name?"

"James Nathaniel Moriarty."

John nodded. "How old are you?"

"Be thirty-three on Halloween."

John cross-referenced it with Jim's chart. _No, you’re older_. "When were you institutionalized?"

"Which time?"

“The first."

"When I was seventeen. Left when I was eighteen."

"And when did they bring you back?"

"A year ago."

John looked over the chart. That was also wrong. "Do you know why?"

Jim chewed his lip. "They...they said I blew up some buildings."

"Did you?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't remember doing it. I don't remember hurting those people." He sighed softly, eyes down. "I'm not a bad person. I've never hurt anyone...I, I don't know what I'm doing here."

John knew he couldn't tell the man. "I'm sorry."

Jim sighed softly. "It happens. Guess there's got to be a reason everyone keeps it a secret."

"It's my first day; I have no background, save for your allergy information."

"I didn't mean you, dear," he said.

John nodded. "I know. I'll work on figuring it out, though."

"You've got to have more questions than that."

"I do. How many doctors have you had?"

"Six."

John kept his face passive. _But I'm his eighth._ "Why did your other doctors leave?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I just wake up one day and they're gone."

John frowned. "Alright. I don't plan on going anywhere; I'm sure a stable doctor and a familiar face will help you."

"You're frowning, why are you frowning?"

"That seems like an excessive number. You're very calm."

"Tell me about it," he sighed. "Must be cuckoo in my sleep."

"How often do you sleep?"

"Like, when I actually go to bed or when I black out?"

"Both."

"I sleep about four hours when I do it on purpose, but when I black out...it's anywhere between thirty minutes and, um..." He cleared his throat. "A month."

John arched a brow. "I... A month?"

"Just once," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry."

Jim's brow creased. "What?"

"I'm sorry, that you've blacked out for so long."

"Uh, I, um," he shook his head, utterly astounded. "Really?"

John nodded. "I've blacked out before; it's terrible, waking up, disoriented, no idea what happened... Wouldn't wish that on anyone."

Jim swallowed. "Yeah it...it sucks."

"When was this long spell?"

"Um, when I woke up I was being brought here."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Jim mumbled, looking down again.

"Do you know what causes these blackouts? Does anything lead up to them?”

"I...I'm either upset. Or angry, usually."

John licked his lips. "So, when you're under an emotional strain?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"You said the medication causes a sort of fog, like being drunk, and sometimes aids in black outs. Does it do anything else?"

"Makes the noise in my head louder."

John bit his lip. "Noise, in your head?"

Jim nodded. "Just...it's just noise. White noise, yelling, crying, information, everything I see when I look at someone and...it makes it louder and it makes it so I can't scream."

John sighed. "That sounds terrible. Would you be open to trying new medications?"

Jim shrugged. "Sure. If it's allowed."

"I'm your doctor. Of course it's allowed."

Jim "I meant if the state allows for it to get changed. Budgets and all that."

"Oh. That... didn't occur to me. I'll see what I can do. The worst they can do is say no, right? Let's see... Do you suffer from depression, or suicidal thoughts? And if you do, does your medication exacerbate them?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, I guess." He snorted at his question. "Every fucking day. And I don't know. Stayed about the same usually."

"Sorry. I have to ask; procedure and all."

Jim nodded his understanding.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Like what?"

"Anything you want me to know about you, anything you want to know about me."

"I know a lot about you already."

John tilted his head. "You do?"

Jim nodded. "Mmhm."

John "But we've just met."

"Yeah? I still know your father was abusive and you're pissed at your sister but you've never really got along with her anyway."

John nodded. "True. How'd you know?"

"I noticed."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question."

"Your phone's gone off twice since you've been in here and each time you've glared for about a second. If it was a someone you wanted to speak with you wouldn't look like that. From your demeanor and your time in the military and how hard you pushed yourself there it's not really a mystery that your father was abusive, so he wouldn't be texting you. I assume your mother did nothing to help you or your sister so you don't talk to her either but your sister's still around- You don't have that older brother state about you, so I assumed sister and with that tired look of agitation there's no way you've ever got on."

John was quiet for a moment. "... You notice indeed. How'd you know about the military?"

"Your haircut, the way your clothes are pressed, the way you stand..."

John smiled. "Impressive."

Jim chuckled. "That's not what most people say."

"What do people usually say?"

"Fuck off, nutter."

"I think it's brilliant."

Jim smiled a little. "Really?"

John nodded. "Yes."

Jim chuckled again. "You're different."

"I should hope so. I have different training."

"Is that why you're here? because they wanted someone with different training?"

John "I'm here because I needed the work, and because you need someone stable to take care of you.”

Jim nodded. "No one's really ever given a shit."

"Well, I do."

"Why?"

“Because you're a person, and you're suffering."

Jim shrugged again. "Apparently I deserve it."

"Regardless of what you've done, you don't deserve the pain, the noise, the cruel treatment. You might deserve to be locked away, but that doesn't mean you have to be abused and neglected."

"Whatever," Jim said, leaning back. God, he was starting to get tired, and when that happened...

John sighed. "Our time is up for the day. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Moriarty."

Jim's head snapped back up, his expression changed from weary to almost innocent. "Who you?" He blurted, his voice small with a much thicker accent than before.

John cocked his head. "I'm Dr. Watson. Who are you?"

"'M James Mo'iarty," he said, tugging at the jacket sleeves. "What's 'is? I wanna move m' arms, get i' off!"

"Shhh, it's alright. It's to keep you from getting hurt. How old are you, James?"

James sniffed, tears in his eyes, scared. "'M not gonna hurt m'self, pwea- please," he corrected. "'M five. Can I get outta 'is? I'll be good!"

John felt his chest ache. "Sorry, little one, I can't let you out. Are you hungry? I can bring you some lunch."

James's head fell and he started to cry. "I di'n't mean to. I'll be a goo' boy. You can let me out and I'll show you," he sobbed.

John bit his lip. _Oh, fuck, what do I do? This is bad_. "Shh, James, it's okay. Hey, look at me. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? You just have to stay wrapped up so you don't get hurt."

James sniffed and looked up at him. "Is i' magic?"

John nodded. "Yes, Jim. It's a magic jacket that keeps you safe from danger. Any danger."

"No. James. Mummy named me James," he sniffed, nodding. He hugged himself a little. "So nossing can hurt me in th' magic jacket? Even at bedtime?"

John moved to sit on the floor, looking up at him. "Sorry- James then. Even at bedtime. It keeps you warm, and it protects you from anything that might want to hurt you.”

"Can Missir Posen take it off?" He squeaked, deep-seated fear in his eyes.

John furrowed his brow. "I don't know who that is, James."

"M' fos'er parent," he trembled, lips shaking. "He comes in m' room. A' night. Takes off m' pajamas and-" He ducked his head, crying softly. "He-he touches me." He spoke the last bit so soft, so quiet as if the teeniest sound would alert the person he was speaking of.

John swallowed, the room spinning for a moment. "James. No one is going to do that to you ever again. He's not here, he can't find you."

James hugged the jacket. "'Cause o' this?”

John nodded. "Yes. Because of that. And because this room? It's warded against evil people like him."

James's face was wet with tears. "You swear t' god?"

John smiled gently. "Yes, Jim. I swear to god. The outside of this room is magic; people like him can't get in. You're safe."

"James," he insisted. "No Jim." He shuffled in his seat a little. "Wha're you here for?"

John cursed himself inwardly. Careful, John. Stop slipping up. "Sorry. I knew a man named James once, he liked to be called Jim. It's a bad habit, I'll try to stop. I'm here to take care of you."

"Like a sitter?"

John nodded. "Mhm. I'll talk to you, read to you if you like, keep you fed, and make sure you get some rest."

James kicked his feet a little bit. "I wanna play, but..." He tugged at the jacket again.

John wished he could let him out. One of his personalities is dangerous, though. "But it keeps you safe, James."

James sniffed. "B-but I can't play."

John frowned. "I know, James, and I'm sorry, I am. Maybe next time we can let you out to play. We just have to be sure."

"Sure?" He whimpered, sniffling.

John "That you're safe."

James wiped his eyes on the jacket. "I's okay. I ne'er get to play anyway."

John blinked away the burn in his eyes. "You don't? That's not very fair."

James shook his head. "I asked ta go ou'side and I got locked in th' closet for days. I miss preschool. An' I don' have m' own toys. I had a bunny named William, but-" His little voice broke. "Missus Angelo said I broke a plate an' I di'n't but she said I did and she...she killt William. She threwed him in th' fireplace."

John swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm so sorry. Do you like rabbits, James?"

James nodded. "William was m' only friend. Now I have no frien's again."

"I'll be your friend."

James perked up. "You will?”

John nodded, smiling. "Yes. And I'll see about getting you a new stuffed animal. It won't replace William, but it'll be another friend for you."

James smiled at him, absolutely beaming. "Oh thank you, thank you very much. You're very nice."

John grinned. "You're very welcome, James."

"No one's ever nice ta me."

"I will be."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve a bit of kindness in your life."

"M'kay," James nodded, licking his lips. He yawned a little. "I'm getting sleepy."

“Want me to let you get some sleep?"

James shifted in the jacket and nodded. "I wanna take a nap, please."

John smiled. "Alright, I'm going to sit in the chair back there and finish my work. Feel free to sleep."

"I can't sleep sittin' up."

"Want me to help you to bed?"

"Yes pwea- please," he said, dragging out his "el" and catching himself.

John smiled and walked over to him, taking him gently by the arm and helping him to his feet. "Alright, it's not that far, and I'll tuck you in when you're comfortable."

James smiled gently. "Thank you very much."

John helped him over to the bed and let him get comfy, covering him with the thin white blanket. "Sleep well, James," he said quietly, moving back to his own chair.

James nuzzled into the pillow. "Thank you, Dodder Watson," he said softly, falling asleep quickly and staying that way.

John made notes on the shift in his personalities, writing down the things 'James' had told him about his childhood. _Poor man_ , he thought. _I'm so sorry_. The doctor was starting to get a picture of his past, at least.

Richard woke a few hours after James had gone to sleep, looking around a bit.

John looked up at the movement. "Hello there."

Richard looked down at the jacket and sighed. "This again. Alright." He brightened, smiling at him. "Hello. You must be our new doctor."

John cocked his head. "Um, yes, I am. John, John Watson. What's your name?"

"Richard. Richard Brook, lovely to meet you."

John couldn't help but smile. "So, when you say 'our'... you know, don't you?"

Richard nodded. "Yes, Dr. Watson, I do. Very aware of how loony this noggin' is. Yes, sir."

“If you don't mind me asking, Mr. Brook, how many of you are there?"

"Five, including me," he nodded. "Jim, James, Jimmy, me and..." He paused a moment, a sort of fear in his eyes. "Moriarty."

John caught the expression, the slight terror. "And he's the one who got you all put in here, isn't he?"

Richard nodded solemnly. "If...if you don't mind my saying, he's a fucking lunatic, doctor. One that I can't cut out. Believe me. I've tried."

John shook his head. "I don't mind at all. I need to know what to look out for, and being honest about him helps. ...How long have you all been fractured?"

Richard sighed. "Since Jim was sixteen," he nodded. "God, he...splintered into us, it was so sad."

John ran a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry."

"Well it didn't happen to me, in theory. Little James either, hell, Jim doesn't even remember it." He looked at him, eyes firm. "And he doesn't need to."

"I'm not going to mention it to him. I can't. It could make him worse."

Richard nodded. "Good. Good. Thank you."

"Would you mind telling me a bit about yourself, Mr. Brooke?"

"Sure. I'm an actor. Managed to actually get a DVD out before we got arrested," he beamed, rather proud of himself. "They gave all the credit to that psychopath," he grumbled.

"Oh, god. I'm sorry. What was your DVD about?"

"Told stories for kids. Like fairytales and stuff.”

John smiled. "That sounds lovely."

"I thought so. It's why I did it. Sherlock Holmes said I made it up but that monster had nothing to do with it!"

"The psychiatrist?”

Richard snorted. "Yeah. Pompous bastard.”

"I haven't met him. Does he ever come here?"

Richard shrugged. "Once a year. To make sure we're still crazy." He chewed his lip. "He's mean to James."

John furrowed his brow. "He's what? Why? Poor boy doesn't need that, he's been through so much."

"Sport, I guess. Always leaves the poor thing crying for his mum." Richard shook his head, disgusted. "The poor thing cries for a mother that burned him with cigarettes, drowned him, poisoned him and chucked him down the stairs for giggles. Sherlock pushes him that far; he's just a baby," he said softly, anger in his eyes. "And if it's not James, it's Jimmy, and Jimmy screams and shrieks and hides and we have to get sedated."

John clenched his jaw. "I won't let him do that. If he does come by while I'm looking after you, I won't let him in."

"He's got a piece of paper that says he has to look at us," he muttered. "It'd be nice if you stayed in the room." He chewed his lip again. "Oh!" He said, remembering. "I hope you're serious about that toy for James. Because if not please tell him. He'll be crushed if he gets his hopes up for too long for nothing."

"I planned to buy him one on my way home. And, yes, I'll stay in the room. He wouldn't dare act that way in front of a witness."

Richard snorted. "You need to meet him. And thank you so much for doing that for him. He's a child, he needs to smile."

"The things he said, Mr. Brook... I want him to smile too."

"If I told you it got worse, would you believe me?"

John bit his lip. "To make Jim break like this... I know it had to."

"Awful, just...terrible. Poor little dears. And Jim. God, he's so clueless and so... tired. Could you see it when you looked at him? How tired he is? How empty he seems to be?"

John nodded. "I can. And the medicine isn't helping."

Richard shook his head sadly. "It's so...so awful." He swallowed and looked up at him. "He's a good man, Dr. Watson. He's a really good man. He just...got pushed too hard. And he broke."

John blinked. "I'm seeing that, yeah. It's just... I have to find a way to put you all back together, or... or find a way to help Moriarty be less... volatile. Because he's what got you all put in here, and he's what's probably keeping the straightjacket on."

Richard looked down. "The only way that'll happen is if he dies," he breathed. "He's a monster. He's made us all monsters and there's no stopping him." He swallowed. "I need to stop talking about him."

"Sorry, sorry, Mr. Brook, I didn't mean to- yes, um. How long have you been an actor?"

Richard shrugged. "Since I popped in here, I guess," he chuckled.

John blushed. "Fair enough. Sorry. How come you're the only truly lucid one so far?"

Richard smiled. "I'm the storyteller, aren't I? Be a shitty one if I didn't know the whole story."

"Some day, with their permissions, will you tell me the story?"

"All of it?"

John nodded. "With everyone’s permission, of course."

"You won't get it," Richard whispered. "Not from Jimmy. Not from...the other one. James is too little and Jim doesn't remember important bits."

John looked down at the floor. "I understand."

"But they don't know. And what they don't know won't hurt them, right?"

John nodded. "I promise. Not a word."

Richard shut his eyes a minute. "I can't tell it now. I'm leaving," he said, looking weary.

John swallowed, a little nervous. "Get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow."

Richard nodded. "Be...careful with this one, he...he's not violent, he's scared," he muttered, eyes closing. "He's scared..."

John smiled gently, watching with awe as Richard faded away. "Hello. My name's John."

Jimmy's lips trembled as he looked around the room, staring at John. He curled his knees against his chest, leaning against the wall. "What do you want?" He squeaked, terror in his eyes. His accent was thicker than Richard's and Jim's, visibly younger.

"I'm a doctor here, I wanted to see if you were doing alright."

"Doctor? No, no, doctors don't care. Doctor's laugh when you cry, no, no, no..." He whispered.

"What's your name?”

Jimmy peeked at him, utter terror in his eyes. "Jimmy.”

John smiled again. "Jimmy, would you be willing to tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't like being tied up," he whimpered, writhing slightly in the jacket. "Can't fight if I'm tied up."

"Jimmy, you don't need to fight. It's okay. I'm not going to come near you, I promise."

"Others will. They always do and they-" He shook his head, hiding in his knees. "No, no, no, it hurts. It hurts so much."

"No one will hurt you. I won't let anyone else in. You're safe here."

Jimmy peeked at him again. "What about the pale man with the cold eyes?"

"Is... is that Mr. Holmes? I won't let him hurt you. If he shows up, I will be here to stop him. At all times."

"He's so mean," he shivered. "He laughs at me."

John frowned. "I've heard he's nasty, and I'm going to protect you from him."

"I don't even know you," he whispered.

"I know. But you will. It's my job, to make sure you're safe."

"But you're a doctor," Jimmy whispered.

"That's what doctors do, Jimmy. We help, we heal. We take oaths, never to harm."

Jimmy sniffed. "Then you're a different doctor."

John nodded. "I'm a good doctor, and you won't have to deal with the bad ones anymore."

Jimmy wiped his eyes on the sleeve of the jacket. "So I don't get to take this off?"

"Not yet. It's my first day, I need to clear it with my supervisors first."

Jimmy sobbed once. "They'll never let you. They say I'm a bad kid, but I've never hurt anybody."

"If I can get the key from them, I can let you out. I just need to talk to them."

Jimmy shook his head. "They won't. They want me strung up like this."

"Well, I don't."

Jimmy blinked. "You don't?"

John shook his head. "I want you able to move, because you haven't done anything wrong. I don't want you to feel trapped."

"Always trapped," he whispered. "Always scared, always stuck, never leaving, can't move, can't do anything, Jimmy can't be happy..."

"I'm going to try. Even if it's just, just the tiniest improvement, I want to make it better."

Jimmy sniffed, looking up. "You're nice."

John smiled again. "Thank you, Jimmy."

"No one's nice to me.”

"I will be."

"Why?"

"Because you need someone to be nice to you."

Jimmy's lips shook. "That's never stopped anyone before."

"Jimmy," he said softly. "I'm so sorry, for what you've been through. It won't happen again."

Jimmy wiped his eyes on the sleeve again. "You don't know what I've been through," he whispered, shaking.

"No, I don't, and you're right, but it has to have been awful to hurt you like this."

Jimmy nodded, sniffling.

"Are you hungry? Would you like lunch?"

Jimmy "What do I have to do for it?"

John cocked his head. "Nothing."

Jimmy shook his head. "No, you're lying, there's always something."

John frowned at him. _What in the world?_ "I'm not lying, Jimmy. All I have to do is text the orderly and request your lunch, and they'll bring you a tray. You'll need my help to eat, but that's it."

"You're not gonna make me put anything else in...in my mouth?" He whispered, eyes wide and so terrified.

"Just the plastic eating utensils. I wouldn't put anything else in there."

"Okay," he whispered, not looking or sounding convinced.

"Jimmy," John said carefully. "I'm not into men. And I don't like hurting children. Whatever people made you do in the past, I will not."

"I'm sixteen, I'm not a child," Jimmy hissed.

"I'm thirty-seven. It's relative, I'm sorry."

Jimmy sniffed and buried his face in his knees again.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't doctors ask questions?"

John nodded. "Yes, we do. Are you in any pain right now?”

"I think my arm's asleep," he whispered. "M' head hurts. But my head always hurts."

"What kind of hurt? Migraine, light sensitivity, noise?"

"Yeah, migraine," he whispered.

Do you usually take anything for the pain?"

"They don't give me anything. It's not in my meds."

John frowned. "I'll change that. We'll try tylenol tomorrow."

Jimmy licked his lips. "You sure?”

John nodded. "With any luck, it'll help with your migraines. I'm your doctor, after all. It's pretty impossible for them to tell me I can't help you feel better."

"If it doesn't make me normal they might not let you," he whispered. "They don't want-wanna pay for me to be comfortable."

"Then I'll bring my own in for you."

Jimmy blinked. "Why would you go that far?"

"Because I'm a doctor. I'm here to take care of you."

Jimmy chewed his lip and shook his head.

John frowned. "No? No, I'm not supposed to take care of you, or no, you don't want me to help?"

"Doctors don't take care of people," he whispered.

John swallowed. "Jimmy... I'm not going to hurt you.”

"No, you're gonna leave me on the floor and make me scream."

John jerked as if he'd been struck. "What? No, god, I'm not going to do that."

"That's what the other doctors do. They either let me scream on the ground or they give me medicine so I can't scream and leave me."

"I'm here all day, until six, except for when you need to sleep. You're not going to have to take the medication anymore, the one that fogs you up."

Jimmy swallowed. "I won't?"

"Not at all. It's making you worse."

Jimmy nodded. "Well, I know that..." He whispered.

"And I'm going to make sure you don't take it anymore."

"You...you're really not gonna make me take it? I don't have to pass out from headaches anymore?"

"No more, Jimmy. We're going to try you without it, okay? See if it helps."

"There's too much noise."

"In your head, without it?"

"Doesn't make a difference."

"Would you like me to try and find a different medication, one that quiets the noise without fogging you?"

Jimmy nodded. "I wanna get better and go home."

"I know you do, Jimmy, and I'm going to help so that you can."

"Where's my home gonna be when I leave?" He croaked. "I gotta go somewhere else, right?"

John nodded. "I'm sure there are people who can help you find a house. A place all your own. You'll have to get a job, to pay for it, but it'd be covered for a while."

"'M not old enough," he sniffed. "I'm a ward of the state...do you really think I'm gonna be here for two years?" Jimmy trembled, eyes wet.

"I think they could find someone to watch over you."

"You didn't answer me."

"Jimmy, I don't know how long you're going to be here. It all depends on how well your treatment goes."

"I'm not crazy," he sobbed, hiding his face again. "I'm not crazy. They hurt me. They hurt me and they hurt my head. But I'm not crazy. I'm not..."

"No, Jimmy, you're not."

_"THEN WHY AM I HERE?!"_

John winced. "I don't know yet."

Jimmy fell on his side, sobbing. "I'm not crazy. I wanna go home, I'm not crazy!" He shut his eyes against the pillow. "I'm not crazy...I'm not crazy. Let me go. Let me go..."

John bit his lip. "Jimmy, I'm sorry, it's only my first day. I don't know why you're here, all I know is that I have to help."

Jimmy turned away from him, tired. "Just leave me alone."

John looked down at the ground. I should leave. He stood, cursing himself internally. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he opened the door.

Jimmy cried into the pillow, shuddering.

John closed the door behind him. He flagged down the first orderly he saw, handing him the edited chart and the forms he'd filled out for different medication. "And bring him lunch, please."

Jimmy fell asleep sometime later, not bothering with the lunch they brought him. He couldn't eat without his hands anyway. He drifted away, letting something much more sinister bubble to the surface.

John filled out some paperwork and argued with the pharmacist, finally securing a new medication for Jim and two extra-strength tylenol. A few hours later he returned to the man's room, hoping (rather ridiculously, he thought) Richard wouldn't be too upset with him. He had no idea how to handle hysterics, or teenagers for that matter, and he'd tried his best. He unlocked the door, frowning to himself. _Shit, I'll need to feed him._

Jim grunted awake, looking around, confused. He sat up, turning and looking at John with sleep laden eyes. "How'd I get here?" He croaked. "What time is it?"

"It's about a quarter past three, in the afternoon. Are you hungry?"

Jim's brows rose. "Huh? Fuck...I did it again," he said softly. "Yeah, I'm hungry."

"I brought you a new type of medication, as well as some tylenol for your headache." He picked up the tray and knelt in front of the man. "How do you normally take your medication when wearing the jacket?"

"God, I lost all that time... Thank you." He faced him, smirking, and stuck out his tongue.

"Just a few hours." The doctor placed the pills on Jim's tongue and offered him the water.

Jim sipped the water and swallowed the pills. He nodded to the tray. "I don't know why they expect me to eat with my mouth. I'm not an animal."

"I'll help. Just tell me what you want to start with." He picked up the plastic spoon.

Jim shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Thank you."

John gathered a bit applesauce and slipped the spoon carefully into his mouth.

Jim took it, a sense of shame surrounding him as he did.

"Sorry," John said quietly. "I don't have permission to take the jacket off yet."

“Yeah, I know.”

John offered him another bite.

Jim took it with a quiet sigh. "Thank you."

“You're welcome." He continued to feed Jim, trying not to take his dignity away. I'm sorry. Soon, hopefully, you'll be able to eat on your own.

Jim should honestly be used to this now, being spoon fed like an invalid. But it never got better.

John stopped when Jim indicated he was full. "Head feeling any better?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah. Not hazy. Thank you, for that. The Tylenol was new too."

"Did it help the migraine at all?"

Jim nodded. "Took the edge of, yeah."

John smiled and rose, moving back to his own seat. "That's good! I'm glad they helped."

Jim couldn't help but smile back. "You are?"

John nodded. "And it took a bit of arguing, but you're cleared to have them as needed."

Jim smiled wider. "Thank you."

"Did you have a good nap?"

"I...guess? I don't feel rested, I just feel disoriented."

John frowned slightly. "How so?"

"I don't know... Like, how you feel when you see a double feature movie. You just sat for like, four hours and you absorbed so much but you can't really remember what you did, just that you did it."

"With any luck, your new medicine will fix that."

Jim grunted, squirming in the jacket. "Can...can you please take this off? I've been in it for three days, I just wanna stretch my arms."

John bit his lips and looked toward the door. "I can ask for the key. Alright?"

Jim nodded, lips shaking a little. "Please."

John rose and opened the door, smiling at the orderly. "Do you have the key for my patient's straight jacket, by any chance? And, if not, can you get it for me?"

Jim waited, listening to the conversation. "You want to let...let it out of that? You got a death wish, dude?" The orderly asked.

"Yes, I want to let him out. He's been in it for days, and he needs to stretch- and I need to make sure it isn't giving him sores."

Jim heard the orderly sigh. "Just... be careful, man." He said, handing the key to John reluctantly. Jim straightened up, so eager to be out.

John thanked him and closed the door. "Alright. Turn around for me, please? So I can open the lock." And move away quickly if I need to.

Jim did as he was told, heart pounding, so excited.

John turned the key, slipping the lock into his pocket. He unbuckled the arms and freed them, zipping the jacket down the back and sliding it off his shoulders. "There you are, Jim."

Jim sighed, popping his shoulders and his arms and his neck. He flexed his arms, which were creaky and reddened, as were his wrists and his collar. "Oh, thank you," he said, chest expanding properly.

"I have a hand-sized bottle of lotion in my bag, if you want to put some on the irritated skin."

"It'll just make it hurt," he said softly. "The skin's raw."

John frowned. "Alright." He took his seat. "You can also walk around, if you like."

Jim got down on the ground and started doing push ups, grinning. "God, this feels good."

John gave him privacy, working on his chart and making note of the changes the medication caused.

Jim sat back up on the bed with a sigh, smiling a little. "Thank you. Very much."

John smiled back at him. "You're very welcome, Jim."

Jim popped his wrists. "I'd rather be strapped down than in that thing."

"I'm sorry they put you in it."

"Just wish they'd tell me why I'm in it."

John sighed gently. "You said I'm your seventh doctor?"

"Sixth."

John frowned. The number he'd given him early had been 'six before', though the chart said seven. It had changed. "I'm sorry, I must have misspoken."

"Wait, am I wrong?" He frowned, shutting his eyes and counting. "Six not including you, fuck." He shook his head out as if there were water in his hair. "Sorry. Losing it. Seventh. You're the seventh."

John made a small note of it. "Alright. Um." _Should I? No, not yet_. "I can ask someone, if you want. About the jacket, why it was on."

Jim felt his mind start to get fuzzy. "Oh, come on," he grumbled, shaking it off, fighting through it. "Yeah. I'd...I'd really like to know. Maybe it happened in one of the blackouts." He pushed still, and it made his head throb but he got through it, wincing.

"Are you alright?"

"Mm. I didn't wanna pass out again."

"So, there are signs, when a blackout is creeping up on you?"

Jim nodded. "Mmhm."

"Does it hurt, staving them off?”

"Yes, a lot."

John wondered if he could help that. "Have they ever given you medication that helped with that, the pain?

Jim shook his head. "No. Just gave me shit to shut me up."

"Well you won't have to take that anymore, Jim."

Jim "I know, it's so weird," he chuckled.

John smiled at him. "Good weird?"

Jim nodded. "Absolutely."

John looked at his watch. It was nearing five. I'll have to start filing paperwork soon. "We've got about an hour before I have to get you back in your jacket and head off to file your chart."

Jim looked at him, expression falling. "You...back in it? I have to put it back on already?"

"In an hour. I can't leave it off, for the night shift."

Jim felt tears well in his eyes. "You...you should've just left it on."

"Jim, if I leave it off, and something happens... I'll lose my job."

"I know," Jim grunted. "You...you should've just left the damn thing on me instead of getting my hopes up like that, it's not...it's not-" He bowed his head, hurt.

John sighed. "... I'll leave it off, but you'll have to be strapped down. You said it was better than the jacket."

Jim just nodded, feeling like an appeased child.

"And when I'm here, you won't need to be strapped down at all. And no more jacket."

Jim looked up at him. "Swear."

John knelt down. "I swear, Jim. No more jacket while I am here. If someone puts you in one, you make them call me, no matter the time of day, and I will come down and get you out of it."

Jim swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Thank you.”

John nodded at him. "You're welcome, Jim."

Jim wiped his eyes. "Sorry. Um...no one has ever, ever been this nice to me."

"I... really? It's... it's just common human decency."

Jim nodded. "Since...god, long as I can remember."

John smiled gently. "Well. I'll keep it up."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"So, you have to leave?"

"In an hour, yes. My shift's over at six."

Jim nodded. "Okay."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Jim shrugged. "No."

John moved back to his chair. "Alright." _Not to be put in the straightjacket, under any circumstances. If someone violates this order, contact me at_ \- He added his personal number beside the order on the chart.

Jim licked his lips, watching him write. "Thank you."

John smiled up at him. "For what?"

"Making sure they don't do that."

"I swore, after all.”

Jim sniffed. "Sometimes people lie."

"I don't."

Jim cocked his head. "No?"

John shook his head. "I don't see a reason to. Not when someone's well-being is on the line."Jim laughed softly.

"What?"

"No one's ever been concerned with my well-being. Ever."

John frowned. "I'm your doctor, Jim.”

"Yeah? So were the six blokes before you."

John swallowed. Seven. "Well, I'm a good doctor.”

Jim chuckled. "Clearly."

John stood up, tucking his clipboard under his arm. "I'm going to go clock out now. I need to strap you down, Jim."

Jim lied down on the bed, lying his wrists and his ankles slightly spread out.

John was careful as he attached the straps, minding Jim's raw skin. "Thank you," he said, as he applied the final one. He picked up Jim's tray and his jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jim lied still and said nothing, giving a little wave as he left.

John locked the door behind him, dumping the jacket in laundry and filing the new chart changes before he clocked out.

Jim stared at the ceiling for hours before falling into a heavy sleep where nightmares ripped at his subconscious mercilessly with no way out.

John headed home shortly after. He ate a meal of instant-rice and turned on the news, watching for an hour before falling asleep on the sofa. For once, he did not dream.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the second day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We broke this day into two parts, mostly so we could post it faster.

Richard woke the next morning and sighed, happy that their arms weren't bound around them anymore, despite that he was restrained. He whistled lightly, waiting for Dr. Watson to join them.

John showered and shaved. On his way to the hospital, he stopped at the store and found a fairly soft rabbit for James. He walked into the room with it tucked under his arm, on top of his clipboard. "Good morning."

Richard smiled when John came in. "Good morning, Dr. Watson."

John smiled back as he undid the straps. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good, very good. Slept terrible, but at least we're not in that jacket, thanks to you."

John finished freeing him and handed him the rabbit. "For James. I promised.”

Richard rubbed his wrists and looked at it, smiling. "He'll like this very much. You'll have to hand it to him yourself though. Tell him that it's his. Otherwise he won't think it's for him."

"O-oh. Alright." He carried it back to his seat. "I... I'm not very good, with Jimmy. I upset him yesterday. I didn't mean to."

Richard nodded solemnly. "Yes, I saw. Jimmy's...He doesn't trust anyone, for obvious reasons."

"I just felt awful. There was nothing I could do."

"It's...this setting certainly doesn't help. The institution-esque way this looks, he's learned not to trust anything in it. And you, being a man, well, he's going to be afraid of you. But...if you let him eat when he says he's hungry, let him sleep when he claims he's tired, let him drink when he wants, and shower when he wants...it's a good foundation to start with.”

John nodded. "I planned on doing all that anyway- though I don't know the rules for bathing yet."

Richard's jaw flexed, anger in his face for the first time since he'd met Dr. Watson.

"I... I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Richard shook his head. "No. No, the...procedure they have for us to shower is...hideous. Unless it's The Monster, then I don't care."

John frowned. "I'm assuming there has to be some sort of supervision, to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"We are handcuffed and made to stand in the middle of the room naked as the day we were born. We get sprayed down with icy water from a hose, scrubbed within an inch of our lives, sprayed again, barely dried, shoved back into a uniform and the jacket and hauled back here all with a total of five people around when this happens.”

John clenched his fist on the edge of the chair. "Really? Why would- oh, christ, I'm so sorry! Is it like that for every patient, or... or just you?"

"Just us," he whispered. "Sherlock's orders." He paused a moment. "I can take it. I can get through it fine, Jim and the Monster, too. But..." He looked at him, eyes sad. "Can you imagine putting little James through that? How scared he must be? And Jimmy...Jimmy passes out, every time."

John covered his face. "I can... I can try to change that. Mr. Holmes won't notice, for awhile at least, with how little he visits."

"I've upset you, I'm sorry."

"No, Richard, it's fine, I just... christ, that's inhumane. And... James, and Jimmy..."

"How someone listens to that little boy shriek and plea like that is completely beyond me. I don't understand- You've met him. He's a sweet little thing, and children trust so easily. They trust people who say they're going to take care of them, and he has been proven wrong at every turn. And it's not fair. He's a baby. Jimmy's been through enough hell and driven us all insane because of it. It's not fair. And when Sherlock finds out...he'll be so pissed."

John swallowed, looking at the ground. "I want to help, but I don't want him to make it worse for you, either. God, I don't... I don't know what to do."

"I, I honestly think it'd be worth it."

"... Okay. Okay. I'll do it."

Richard sighed softly. "Thank you, so very much."

John smiled a little, eyes sad. "You're welcome, Mr. Brook."

Richard winced a little. "Mm, I'm going away now. Shouldn't be anyone nasty following me."

John nodded. "Alright. Thank you."

James yawned and shook his head, looking up at the man from yesterday. "Dodder Watson!" He beamed.

John smiled and stood. "Hello, James. I brought you a gift." He walked forward and offered him the rabbit.

James's eyes grew. He swallowed and looked up at him, between him and the rabbit. "That...that's for me?"

John nodded. "I promised you I'd bring you a new one, and I did. This is all yours, little one."

James bounced a little and took it from him, hugging it tight. "Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you."

John beamed at him and sat back down. "You're very welcome. How are you feeling today?"

"Much better now," he smiled, gently touching the rabbit's face. "Oh, what should I name him?"

"Whatever you choose, I'm sure he'll love it."

James thought a moment. "What's your name, Dodder Watson?"

John "John. My name is John."

James shook his head. "Borin'. Wha's your odder name?"

"My middle name? Hamish."

James smiled, looking at the rabbit again. "Hay-mish. I like it. Hamish."

John grinned. "It's a good name. Thank you, for naming him that."

James squeezed the rabbit and giggled. "Thank you for the bunny. I can have another friend."

John "You're very welcome, James. Are you hungry?"

James nodded. "I am hungry, yes, sir," he said, bouncing the rabbit on his knees.

John nodded and walked to the door. "Alright, let me get you breakfast." He leaned out and flagged down an orderly. "I need James's breakfast, please."

James watched the door eagerly. "Who?" The orderly said.

"My patient. His breakfast, please." He gave the man Mr. Moriarty's patient identification number.

James frowned. "Oh, right, yeah. Psycho, got it." He stepped away. James hugged the rabbit close to him again, sniffling.

John glared after him, forcing himself to smile gently and turn around to James. "Don't let their words hurt you, alright?"

"Words hurt more than hands sometimes," he sniffed, licking his lips.

"I know. I know, James, believe me, I do. And I'm sorry he said that."

James looked at him. "You do?"

John nodded. "My father used to call me terrible things. I've never really recovered. Some days, when everything's going wrong, I remember everything he ever said, and I start to think he was right. It makes me feel awful. Sometimes, though, I can push them away and carry on."

James felt tears in his eyes. "I don' un'erstand. I mean, m' daddy hit me too. Said bad things. Then mummy shot him in the head- but I dunno what that odder stuff means."

John knelt down, five feet away from James so that he didn't feel threatened. "I'm so sorry, James. So sorry you were hurt. You don't deserve that. No child deserve that."

James shrugged. "It's okay."

John frowned a little. "It shouldn't be."

James sniffed. "I cry too much anyway."

John shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with crying, James."

James frowned a little. "Then why do I get hit every time I do?"

"You won't be hit for crying anymore. I swear."

"Even if the pale man comes?"

"Mr. Holmes? I won't let him hurt you, James.”

James "I don't like him," he whispered, toying with the rabbit's ears. "What if he hurts Hamish?"

"We'll hide Hamish when he comes, so that he's safe."

James wiped his eyes, kissing the rabbit's forehead. "I won't lose you too, Hamish. You're my friend. Dodder Watson and I are gonna keep you safe." He kissed him again.

John felt his heart aching for the boy. "Yes. We'll keep him safe and sound."

"No fire," he whispered.

"...Fire?"

“That's how William died. He burned to death," James squeaked.

"There's no fire here, James. Even if Hamish gets a little hurt, I can always fix him for you." The doctor couldn't help but wonder if the yet-unseen fifth personality would hurt the toy.

James squeezed him close, nuzzling his face into the rabbit. "M-maybe when I go to sleeps, after I fall 'sleep with him, Hamish could live with you? I don't want anybody to hurt him. Unless he wants to stay with me. Don't make 'im leave," he warned.

John nodded. "When you sleep, I can take care of him. Unless he wants to stay with you. Would you ask him for me?"

James sniffed and nodded, whispering in the rabbit's ear and promptly listening when he answered. "He said he wants to stay here with me tonight. 'Cause we just met and I haven't had a friend to help me sleep in a long, long, time, Dodder Watson."

John couldn't help but smile. "Alright, James. You and Hamish will have each other tonight."

James nodded with a grin of his own. "Thank you!"

"You're very welcome, James. And, no more coat. So you can walk around and play with Hamish if you want."

James blushed. "I dunno if I can play with someone lookin'."

"I can turn around, if you want. Or step outside."

"You can turn 'round," he said quietly, internally so excited he was about to burst.

John smiled and turned his chair around, giving James privacy.

James turned his back to John as well, playing with Hamish silently for awhile before getting braver and speaking aloud, giggling and saying nonsense really.

John kept an ear out for James' meal, writing notes about his new shower procedure on James' chart.

James turned around after awhile. "Dodder Watson?"

"Yes, James?”

"I know...it's lots to ask, but, um...maybe if I'm real, real good, could I go outside? Just f'r minute? Just to see?"

John swallowed. "I can ask when they bring your food, little one."

"I just...wanna see a cloud. Or th' sun. The sky. I forget what it looks like sometimes."

"I can't promise, but I can try." A knock on the door signalled the arrival of James' meal. John got up and took the tray. "Um. I'd like to take him outside, for a few. Is there a form, I can fill out?"

James peeked hopefully through the door, though he couldn't hear the conversation. The man's eyes grew. "You wanna what?" He blurted. "I don't...you know what he did, right?"

John shook his head. "No, I don't. What happened?"

The orderly blinked. "They didn't tell you why his other doctors left? He bit one of their fucking fingers off, he stabbed another one's eye right out of his head with a paper clip."

John swallowed. "I heard, about the fingers. I... not the others, though. I want to take him outside, regardless. He's not been a problem for me."

James sighed and bounced in his seat. "Um, yeah, there's a thing I can get you, hang on."

John waited patiently, passing James his tray of food.

James smiled and took it from him. "Thank you, Dodder Watson," he smiled, setting aside a baby carrot for Hamish and started to eat while the orderly stepped down the hall, coming back moments later and handing a paper to John. "Good luck."

John thanked him and closed the door, reading over the form. _Half an hour is all I could score... must be cuffed..._ "James? I have a form here that will let me take you outside. You can bring Hamish, but... you'll have to wear metal bracelets on your wrists and ankles. Is that okay?"

James brightened. "I- really?" He squeaked. "I don't mind them so much. Not for that. And I can bring Hamish?!"

John smiled. "Yes, you can bring Hamish." He signed off on the forms and started getting the shackles ready. "Just be sure to eat first, okay? You'll need the energy.”

James ate quickly, making sure Hamish ate his carrot too and held his wrists out to him, grinning. "Okay, I ate."

John fastened the cuffs around him and tucked the clipboard under his arm. As soon as he was sure James had a good grip on Hamish, he began to lead him outside.

James shuffled along, humming with the rabbit against his chest. "What do real bunnies feel like?"

"Soft, depending on the breed. Some feel like velvet, some are course, some have ridiculously long fur."

"Wow," he said, genuinely awed.

"The softest are these brown bunnies, they're lean, with tall ears. My neighbor had one as a pet, so soft, even for having short hair. I like them."

"'M not allowed to have pets," James said softly. "But that's okay, I have you, Hamish," he smiled, kissing the bunny's head.

John smiled again. "Hamish is better than most pets. He won't make a mess, and he'll always be with you."

James felt tears well in his eyes, but they weren't really sad ones. "Only person who won't."

John closed his eyes for a moment. "I'll be with you until you're better, James."

"But then you're gonna leave," he whispered, voice cracking. "Like Mummy and Daddy and William."

"I'll still be your friend, James."

"How can you be my friend if you're gone?"

"I can give you my number, so you can call me."

"'M not big 'nough to use the phone."

John smiled. "You know your numbers, don't you?"

James nodded. "I can count to thirty eight!" He grinned.

"Well, then, James, you're definitely big enough- and smart enough- to use the phone." He opened the door to the yard and helped James out.

"I'm not smart, I'm stupid." He said flatly, as if it were a known fact and stepped outside, taking a deep gulp of air.

John frowned at his back. "James... you're not stupid. I know. I'm a doctor."

"Dodders help sick people, they don' know 'bout stupid."

"No, but they have to be smart to BE a doctor. So we can tell when other people are smart too."

"Everybody else says I'm stupid."

John frowned again. "Well, they're wrong." He started to walk with him, letting him stretch his legs.

James took another deep breath and promptly sneezed.

"Do you have allergies?"

"Aller- huh?"

"Things that make you feel a little sick.”

James nodded. "Uh huh. Kitties. Outside sometimes. Strawberries make it hard to breathe and I choke."

John nodded. "Okay. If it gets too bad, let me know and we'll head back in, okay?" That fit right in with what his chart had said; he just wanted to know if James was aware of them.

James nodded. "Okay," he smiled, plopping down in the grass and walking Hamish through the dandelions.

John watched him with a smile. _When he's like this... it makes me wish I had a family. I think I'd be a good father._

James hummed along, playing happily. He sneezed occasionally, eyes red after a bit, but it didn't matter. The wind felt good, the sun felt good, the dirt felt good. All of it was just...wonderful.

John waited until his watched beeped half an hour later. "Alright, James, we have to go back inside."

James sighed sadly and got up, cuddling Hamish again and telling him it was time to go back inside. He took a piece of clover for him later and followed him inside.

"I'm sorry I could only get you a half hour today."

"It's okay," he assured, patting John's arm.

John opened the door for him. "I'll try for an hour next time."

James smiled. "Thank you," he said, nose stuffed, eyes red, but he didn't care.

John helped him back to his room and offered him a tissue.

James wiped his nose and tossed it in the bin, not quite skilled enough yet to blow.

John undid his cuffs and put them away. "How are you feeling?"

James yawned. "Sleepy."

"Want to take a nap?"

“Yes, please."

John took his seat and smiled at him. "Get some rest, little one, and hold tight to Hamish."

James nodded and rolled on his side, hugging the rabbit close to him while he got under the covers and went to sleep.

John continued to work out the shower orders, frowning slightly. _I need to talk to someone about this. Five men seems a little excessive._ He got up and, with a small smile aimed toward the sleeping boy ( _Man, sleeping man, he corrected_ ), left the room to flag down an orderly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finishes the day, and Moriarty comes out to play.

Moriarty opened his eyes, grinning immediately. He hadn't been out to play in such a long time. He chucked the rabbit in his arms across the room, mildly confused by it, but assumed it belonged to the child he'd met once in there. He sat up, staring at the door with that same awful, wicked grin.

John got it resolved and filed the proper forms, coming back fifteen minutes later.

Moriarty licked his lips as the doctor came in. "Hello, Clarice," he growled.

John stopped in his tracks, heart pounding. _Moriarty. Richard warned me about him._ He caught sight of Hamish across the room. _Should I... Fuck!_ Risking it, he moved to retrieve the rabbit. "Good afternoon, Mr. Moriarty."

"Oh...so it is the baby's..." He hissed, voice low, deadly. "You know me, I don't know you. What's your name, pretty?"

John took his seat. "I'm Dr. Watson, I'll be taking care of you from now on."

Moriarty barked a laugh, sharp, harsh noise. "Taking care of me. What bet did you lose to have to have this job, Dr. Watson? Or do you just have a sick death wish?"

"Neither. After the last doctor, they sought me out. I'm more properly trained."

Moriarty giggled, the sound wrenching and twisted. "Properly trained. You're trained to get a mass murderer to talk about his little problems? Huh?" He demanded.

John leveled his gaze at the man. "I'm trained to handle you if you get physical.”

"Ooh, scary soldier boy, aren't you?" He cackled.

John didn't flinch. "If I have to be, yes."

"Aw, with that fake limp and lame shoulder? Are you sure?"

John felt his jaw twitch. "I'm absolutely positive.”

"Ooh, I found a nerve," he giggled. "You're pretty sexy when you're angry.”

John licked his lips. "If you're trying to unnerve me, it isn't going to work."

Moriarty cracked his neck. "No?"

John let out a steady breath. "No."

"Well you're no fun," Moriarty spat.

John smiled a little. "No, I'm really not."

Moriarty "The fuck are you smiling about?" He snarled, a flash of fire in his eyes.

"Nothing that concerns you, Mr. Moriarty." The corners of his mouth returned to straight line.

Moriarty sneered. "Arrogant fuck, aren't you?"

John shook his head. "I'm not. I just know better than to bait you."

Moriarty snickered. "Boring."

"Boring, but safer for both of us. I enjoy my job; I'd rather not leave it in a bodybag."

Moriarty cracked his neck again. "You won't like me bored."

"Is boredom what made you tear your doctor's eye out?"

Moriarty giggled. "Yeah."

John unfolded his arms and leaned forward. "What, then, keeps you from being bored?"

"Mental stimulation," he grinned, eyes dark again.

"Very well. What do you find 'mentally stimulating', Mr. Moriarty?"

Moriarty chuckled darkly, licking his lips. "Depends."

"On?"

“What I'm in the mood for."

John held his gaze. "What are you in the mood for now?"

Moriarty laughed again, his eyes nearly black in the fluorescent light. He sat back, arms behind his head. "Aren't doctors supposed to ask their patients questions?"

"I am."

"Well I'm a patient," he spat, waving his hand.

John sighed. "Alright. When was your first kill?"

"When I was thirteen."

John blinked. "Really?"

"Yep. Poisoned the little bastard and watched him drown."

"You got your start young. That surprises me."

Moriarty cackled. "Well I wasn't going to let that little fucker keep talking."

"What was he saying?"

"Making fun of my accent and how poor I was."

John frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"That he was cruel."

Moriarty snorted. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"You can't possibly actually be sorry for me."

"Why do you think that? I've gotten bits and pieces of your story, and it's heartbreaking. No one person should have to endure that."

Moriarty sneered at him. "I don't want your pity."

"I'm not pitying you, Mr. Moriarty."

"Don't even pretend you're sincerely being nice to me!" He barked.

John refused to back down. "I'm also not pretending."

Moriarty sat up, glaring at him. "Were you dropped on your head or are you just fucking stupid?"

"Never dropped. Punched quite a few times. Why, think I'm touched?"

"You want to know what I think?"

John nodded.

Moriarty lunged, both hands on John's arms and the armrests themselves, pinning him there with a knee between his legs, the chair tilted on its back legs with him just inches from his face. "I think you're a sad little man that can't get it up since you left the goddamn war. I think you're a lonely little pissant that cries himself to sleep at night and screams himself awake. I think your life is sad, wretched and empty- but I think the saddest part of the whole thing is how you want to _fuck_ me!" He was still deathly close to his face, face pulled in an inhuman smile. "You can lie to yourself, you can lie to that nurse down the hall you're thinking about fucking, but you can't lie to me. Think about that the next time we talk." He shoved the chair back so John fell and collapsed to the floor.

John kept his face blank, save for the dangerous tightening of his jaw. He never looked away from the furious black eyes, he never blinked, though his own eyes ached from the strain. When Moriarty sent him tumbling backwards he hissed in pain, jarring his shoulder on the cold tile. _No. No, I don't. You're not my area, and even if you were, you're absolutely mad. Two of your personalities are children, for christ's sake. I'm more than you know, and I'll prove it, I'll fucking prove it._ Slowly, John rose, righting his chair and dusting off Hamish.

Jim groaned and opened his eyes, head throbbing. He looked up at John, frowning. "I...feel like I need to say sorry for something?"

John turned around and shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry for," he said quietly, offering Jim the rabbit. "Just had a nasty fall."

"What's that for?" He frowned, looking at the animal, sitting back on the bed. "And are you sure you're okay?"

"It's a gift. I was reading through your file last night; you had one as a child, thought it might make time in here less lonely. If you don't want it, that's fine. And I'm... hurting, but I'm used to it."

Jim was honestly touched and took it from him. "Uh...thank you." He frowned at him. "Yeah, well parents are dicks."

John smiled gently, though it didn't touch his eyes. "Yeah, yeah they are."

"What's wrong?"

John swallowed and shook his head. "It's just been a rough day. I didn't sleep so well last night. Are you ready for your medication, Jim?"

Jim nodded. "Yes, please."

John walked to the door and took the medicine from the orderly. "What was all that noise, Doctor Watson?" The man’s look was curious, but John didn’t trust him and he didn’t want Jim to know about the others. It could hurt his mind further. "I tripped over my chair. Damn my leg, it just doesn't respond as well as it should sometimes. Thanks, for the concern." He closed the door again and brought Jim his medicines and a glass of water. "Tylenol for the headache, the new medication I started you on yesterday, and something to wash it down with."

Jim frowned. "You just lied to him," he said, taking the medicines with a nod of thanks.

John nodded. "Yes, I did."

"Then what really happened?"

John smiled gently. "I... I don't feel comfortable saying."

"Who am I gonna tell?" He shrugged. "Does...does this have something to do with the blackouts?"

"It might."

Jim swallowed. "I...I always kind of guessed I got violent," he whispered.

"A little bit, yes."

Jim ducked his head, so guilty. "I am so, so sorry, Dr. Watson. I...if I could control it I would. I...I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. I should have been more careful."

Jim shook his head. "I'll try to stop," he whispered.

John "You don't have to. It's okay, I mean it."

"I don't want another doctor to leave."

John sat back down. "Jim. I'm not going to leave you. No matter what."

Jim frowned. "Why?"

"Because I want to help you."

"You really do, don't you?"

John nodded. "Yes. I do.”

Jim scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

John chuckled. "It's alright. I understand why you would."

“Well, there were a lot of you guys.”

"Exactly. But I'll be the last."

"Really?"

John nodded. "I'm not leaving you." No matter how bad it gets.

Jim swallowed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. How are you feeling today?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Better or worse than yesterday?"

"About the same," he said softly.

John frowned. "I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?"

Jim shook his head. "No, thank you. Got my medicine and everything, I'm set."

"Want to talk?"

"Sure."

"Do you like to read, Jim?"

Jim nodded. "Yes, I do."

John smiled. "what sort of books do you like?"

"Classics, mostly."

"Ah, so... Eyre, Bronte, Swift?"

Jim nodded, smiling a little.

John chuckled. "That's brilliant."

"It is?"

John nodded. "Yes. You have very good taste."

"It's all I had when I was a kid. Didn't really find anything new."

"Would like more books?"

Jim nodded. "I would. Very much so, please."

"I'll bring you some tomorrow."

Jim smiled. "Really?"

John nodded. "Some of mine, if that's okay."

"I don't mind," Jim said quietly. "Thank you so much."

John "You're very welcome. I'm glad I can help."

"No one's ever been so nice to me.”

"I'm sorry I got here so late, then."

Jim shrugged. "It's okay," he said softly, smiling gently.

"Is there any genre you specifically don't want?"

Jim made a face. "Vampires."

John giggled. "So Anne Rice is right out, then."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Yes, please."

"I don't own any, you're safe."

Jim chuckled. "Thank god."

"Might end up with a lot of fantasy, though."

Jim cocked his head. "Eh, should've pegged you for a Tolkien fan.”

"That easy to tell?"

Jim nodded. "Mmhm."2:06 AM

John blushed. "Tolkien, Pratchett, Jacques, Rowling... I just... I enjoy it."

Jim chewed his lip. "I never got to read any of those," he said, a certain sadness in his voice.

John "Well, you can now."

Jim smiled lightly. "No offense, but...I tend to not get my hopes up about anything."

John sighed. "I know, Jim. You'll see tomorrow, though."

"Thank you. Really, thank you."

John smiled. "You're welcome.”

"You gonna ask more?"

"What sort of music do you like?"

Jim turned a little shy. "I really like the Beegees."

John smiled. "That's good."

Jim "It is?"

John nodded. "I'm more partial to Britpop, personally, but I like the Beegees."

Jim chuckled. "Most don't. Dead disco and all."

"Mm, their loss then. Favorite food?"

"It's really cliche, but...potatoes."

John held up his hands. "Hey, potatoes are amazing."

Jim nodded. "They are. But I'm Irish."

"Shouldn't matter."

"Sorry," Jim said, smiling lightly. "I got picked on alot when I was a kid. Guess it brushed off."

John frowned. "I'm sorry. That's a ridiculous thing to make fun of someone for."

"You never heard someone make fun of an Irish kid before?"

"No, I haven't. People from other countries were common in my school; there wasn't much bullying."

"Lucky them."

John frowned. "Jim. I'm so sorry."

Jim shrugged. "I'm not gonna piss and moan about playground shit."

John nodded. "I know. I know."

Jim licked his lips. "Sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"I don't know. Whining."

John shook his head. "You aren't whining."

"Then what is it called?"

"Talking."

Jim chuckled. "If you say so."

"Oh! thought you should know, tomorrow, you're getting a shower. But- I made some changes to procedure. Warm water, only guarded by me, and none of that high-pressure shit."

Jim blinked, staring at him. "How'd you know about that?" He whispered.

"I have your file, Jim. There are records.”

"I just...didn't know it was written down."

"For people who know where to look. Holmes is good at covering his tracks, but I'm better."

"Oh," he whispered, ashamed.

John bit his lip. "Hey. What he's doing? It's illegal. And I'm not going to let him do it any more."

"Doesn't make it less embarrassing."

"I'm sorry he treats you that way."

Jim snorted. "I'm used to it. But he...I don't know. Hates me. And I don't know why."

John frowned. "Neither do I. All I know is that he's the reason you're here. I've never met the man, I don't know why he has this weird vendetta against you."

Jim shrugged. "Took him awhile to catch me, I guess."

"What's your favorite place to visit? Did you ever go out of country?"

Jim nodded. "A little. Paris or Venice are my favorite," he mused.

"Mmm, I bet those are lovely. Never been out of the country for anything but service. Afghanistan is... empty, it feels like. Vast stretches of scrub and hills.”

"Lots of dirt, huh?" He chuckled. "Yeah, it's...gorgeous. Elsewhere."

"What is it you did, work-wise, before you came here?"

"Worked in I.T. at a hospital for awhile, but...I don't know, really. Kept waking up with money. A lot of money, too, and I didn't know where it came from but, with the blackouts I really didn't ask.”

John chose to let that one go. "IT? Good with computers, then?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, it's simple."

John "I get by. Not good, but not bad. Managed to avoid the usual Old Man tropes- never called for help while it was turned off, never installed every toolbar ever, I know where the power button is..." The doctor chuckled. "Anything you want to talk about, Jim?”

Jim smiled and laughed back. "Good. Appreciated." He blinked. "No one's ever asked me that."

"Really?"

Jim nodded.

"Well. I'll be the first then."

Jim nodded again. "I...you know I don't think I have anything to talk about. I mean, what could I possibly...?"

"Anything at all. Your life, films you hate, embarrassing cooking accidents, complaints..."

"Uh..." He chuckled. "Christ, this is weird. Um...well, I really hate Titanic?”

John smiled. "You do?"

Jim nodded. "I can't fucking stand that overrated junk."

"I've never actually seen it."

"Stay away. Far away. It's stupid."

John giggled. "You have my word, I will."

Jim smiled back. "Been awhile since I've made someone laugh."

"Your other doctors didn't have senses of humor, I take it?"

Jim "They, uh, just picked my brain and looked at me like I was something in the zoo."

John licked his lips. "You're not. You're a human being, and you're going to be treated as such."

"By you," he reminded. "And thank you."

John frowned. "Well, yes, by me. I am your doctor, after all. Is that a problem?"

Jim shook his head. "Of course not. It's definitely a good change."

"Good, that's good, I'm glad."

"See, that's new too."

John cocked his head. "What is?"

"Someone being glad with me."

John smiled gently. "It'll keep happening."

Jim scratched the back of his neck. "If I don't screw it up."

The doctor blinked. "You won't."

"But...the blackouts."

"What about them?"

"Well, I...I hurt you."

John saw no use in hiding it. "Yes. But I'm okay." This time.

Jim swallowed. "I'm really sorry."

"It's fine, Jim. Really."

Jim swallowed. "It's not, but if you're okay with it, okay."

"I have to be okay with it. It doesn't happen often, and you're not aware of what's happening. It's not your fault."

Jim scratched the back of his neck. "You could...leave. Everyone else does.”

John shook his head. "I'm not going to. No matter how bad it gets."

"Okay," he whispered.

"I mean it. I'm here with you for the long haul, Jim."

“You really want to make me better?”

John nodded. "Yes, Jim. I do."

Jim swallowed. "Then I'll let you," he said softly.

John smiled at him, his expression kind. "Thank you."

Jim smiled gently back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Jim licked his lips. "John...I think I'm gonna pass out again. Don't let me hurt you, okay? You hurt me, but don't let me hurt you."

John swallowed. "I won't hurt you, but I'll be careful. If you get violent, I'll strap you down. I promise."

Jim nodded. "Okay," he whispered, head getting heavy.

John let out a relieved sigh when he saw it wasn't Moriarty, though he knew he'd fucked things up with Jimmy the day before. "Hello again."

Jimmy shivered, bringing his knees to his chest. "Hi."

"How are you feeling today, Jimmy?"

Jimmy sniffed. "Okay," he whispered. He looked at the bunny lying beside him, tears in his eyes. "Oh..."

"It's for you."

Jimmy gently picked it up. "I had one when I was a kid that looked like this."

John nodded. "I read about it in your file, and I thought you might like to have another."

"I do, thank you," he said, gently touching his ears. "This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

John smiled. "I'm sorry I upset you yesterday."

"It's my own fault," he whispered.

John shook his head. "No, Jimmy, it isn't."

"But, I'm the one with the problems. Not you."

"Jimmy, I understand why you're afraid, and there's nothing wrong with being so."

Jimmy looked at him. "You do?"

John nodded. "I've seen bits and pieces of your history in your file. I'm so sorry."

"You don't know the half of it," he whispered.

John nodded again, this time a little sadly. "I know I don't, and I don't want to put you through talking about it."

"Thank you," he squeaked.

"You're welcome."

Jimmy "So...what are we supposed to do today?" He breathed. A look of fear crossed his face. "Do I have to take a shower?”

"Your shower routine is changing, Jimmy. Warm water, only me as a guard."

"Huh?"

"Mr. Holmes' painful, traumatic shower rules are being done away with."

Jimmy's lips shook. "Thank you. Oh, thank you so much."

“You're welcome. We could do that now, if you'd like."

"Really?" He whispered, wiping his eyes.

John smiled. "Really. You'll have to wear the handcuffs until we get there, though, but at least it's not the jacket."

Jimmy nodded. "Okay," he whispered, licking his lips. "I...you swear?"

"I swear, Jimmy."

"Oh-okay, then..."

John picked them up. "Would you please hold out your wrists for me?"

Jimmy held out his wrists, trembling and looking at the floor.

John fastened them gently. "Alright, ready?"

Jimmy nodded. "If...if that man finds out I'm not showering right..."

John "I'll deal with him. He'll take it out on me."

"What if he doesn't?" He whimpered.

John led him down the hall. "I won't let him hurt you."

"Promise?"

John nodded. "I promise."

Jimmy sniffed. "Okay," he whispered, following him still.

John opened the bathroom door for him. When he was content no one was there, he took off the cuffs and took a seat to give Jim some privacy.

Jimmy sniffed and stripped shakily, hiding in the stall when he was done.

John kept his head down, looking at the tile. "You have half an hour, Jimmy."

"So I can, just...turn on the hot water?" He trembled, vulnerable and scared.

"Yes," John answered. "There are towels hanging up when you're done."

Jimmy "Okay," he whispered. He turned to the shower and carefully turned it on, licking his lips. He moaned softly when the water washed over him, turning his face up into it.

John felt his cheeks flush. _Strange. Knock that off right now, John, jesus._

Jimmy ran his fingers through his hair, sighing softly. He ran his fingers down his body, soap in hand, sliding them up and down his chest.

John tried not to look. _I'm not interested in men, and even if I was, he's my patient. And a child, for two-thirds of the day_. Somehow, he couldn't keep his eyes on the floor. He risked a quick glance, watching Jimmy touch his body (his very adult body, regardless of disposition). _Oh... Fuck. No, no, no!_ He closed his eyes tight and forced his head back down.

Jimmy washed his hair next, letting the warmth engulf his body and cling to him greedily. He moaned again, feeling better than he had in such a long time.

John licked his lips and peeked again, shifting on his bench. _He really is gorgeous, though. Fuck, look at him, listen to him... If he weren't trapped here, he could have the world on a plate. And, to be honest... probably me as well._

Jimmy rested his hands against the wall and his head as well, sighing softly. He looked down at himself, at all the hideous scars twisting and mangling his skin. He shut his eyes, tears slipping down his face and quiet sobs coming from his throat.

John bit his lip. "Jimmy? Are you okay?"

Jimmy straightened up and shut the water off, shakily reaching for a towel and drying himself off. "I'm fine," he croaked, still crying.

"Why are you crying?"

Jimmy sniffed, using another towel to hide his chest. "I'm ugly."

John frowned. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am," he nodded. "I'm scarred and...hideous. I'm so ugly," he whimpered.

John swallowed. "I think you're beautiful. I have scars too, large ones, twisted ones. They don't make you any less attractive."

Jimmy blushed and shook his head. "Can I have clothes?"

John nodded and stood, bringing him a clean uniform. "Here you go."

Jimmy hid again and got dressed, frantically smoothing his hair down and brushing it with his fingers.

John gave him privacy again. How can you possibly think you're ugly?

Jimmy came back out with his shaking wrists out.

John gave him a gentle smile. "It'll be alright." He put the cuffs on and led Jimmy back to his room.

"I don't like being tied up," he whispered, following him back to the room.

"I don't want you to be tied up." As soon as they were inside, he took the cuffs off. "There. All better."

"Thank you," he whispered, sitting and picking up the rabbit.

John sat down in his own seat again. "Do you feel better? Was your shower nice?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yes, it was. Absolutely amazing, I haven't felt that good in a...well, ever. I don't think."

John smiled. "I'm glad it was good."

"Thank you. For changing it."

"You're very welcome, Jimmy."

Jimmy wrapped his arms around himself, knees shaking.

John frowned a little. "Are you okay?"

"Just skittish and scared."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Um...can," he looked at his hands. "In winter they have these long-sleeved sweaters with buttons...they make me feel safer," he breathed, flushed.

John nodded. "Sure, I'll ask an orderly." He stood up and opened the door. "Hi, yes. Could I have one of the winter shirts, please?"

Jimmy was honestly surprised that he was getting something he asked for. "Winter? Oh, the sweater things?" The orderly asked. "We have those all year, not just winter," he giggled. "Just a second." She stepped away, coming back with one. "There you go."

John smiled warmly. "Thank you." He closed the door and handed it to Jimmy, their fingers brushing slightly as the man took it from him.

Jimmy took it from him carefully, running his hand over the fabric. "I didn't think we could get these for another two months," he whispered, quickly wrapping it around him. "Thank you so much."

John smiled and sat back down. "You're welcome."

"You're very nice to me.”

"Well, I like you, and I want you to be happy.”

Jimmy frowned a little. "You do?"

John nodded. "Yes."

"B-but why?"

"Why do I like you, or why do I want you to be happy?"

"B-both."

"I like you because you are kind, and intelligent, and very handsome. I want you to be happy because you've been through hell, and you deserve a bit of good in your life. You deserve kindness, you deserve rest, and this? This might help you recover more quickly."

Jimmy shook his head. "I'm stupid and ugly, but thank you," he whispered. "I won't stop you being kind to me. Feels too good."

John frowned a little. "Jimmy, you're not stupid. And... I know it's unprofessional to say, but, even though I'm not exactly interested in men, or young ones, for that matter, you're gorgeous."

"I am stupid. Smart people don't end up like me," he trembled. "And you... I'm not. I'm not, I'm so ugly. I feel bad for anyone that has to look at me."

"What's your favorite book, Jimmy?"

"Pride and Prejudice."

John smiled warmly. "See? That's a book people who are stupid can’t finish. Hell, I've never finished it. You're very smart. And, god, I wish you could see yourself the way I can. Really. You're... I mean, the soft curve of your brow, your eyes, the little bit of stubble, your jaw..."

"It's a good book," he whispered. He ducked his head and his compliments, ears burning, eyes down with arms around his chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"When people talk to me like that, they...they never want to do anything nice," he whispered.

John swallowed. "Oh, I... Jimmy, I'm over here, I'm not going to hurt you.

"They said that too."

John lowered his eyes. "I'll keep doing what I've been doing, and you'll see that I'm being honest. I'll stop complimenting you, if it makes you feel unsafe around me. I just want to help.""No one ever says that stuff and means it," he whispered. "And when they're done with me they tell me how worthless and stupid and pathetic I am. Like I need to be reminded."

John let out a shaking breath, eyes starting to burn. "Jimmy. Jimmy. You are not worthless. You are not stupid. And I'm not going to touch you."

Jimmy noted how he left out pathetic and took the blow that came along with it. "Okay."

"You're none of those things. You're not ugly, you're not pathetic, you're wonderful, a wonderful young man who's going to be okay."

"How do you know?" He asked, a small sob escaping with it.

"How do I know what?"

"That I'm gonna be okay?!"

"Because you're not broken, Jimmy, you're just bent. And bent is easier to fix. You're going to get out of here and have a normal life, because I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to help fix you, so you can have the good life you deserve."

Jimmy buried his face in his knees. "If you say so," he cried, sniffing. "Can I ask you for one more thing and then I'll leave you alone?"

"Anything at all."

"Can-can I have a hug?"

John smiled gently. "Yes, Jimmy. Yes you can." He stood up and approached him slowly, opening his arms to him.

Jimmy wrapped his arms around his middle and squeezed, the first wanted human contact he'd had in years.

John held him close, matching his pressure, something lifting its head in his chest.

Jimmy sniffed, nuzzling his stomach before slowly letting go. "I think...I think I'm gonna lay down now."

John released him with another warm smile. "Okay. Sleep well, Jimmy." He stepped back to his chair and sat down.

Jimmy curled in his bed, hugging the sweater around him with a coo.

John forced himself to look down at his paperwork, ignoring the heat on his cheeks.

Richard yawned awake and rolled over, stretching. "Hello, Dr. Watson.”

John looked up and smiled. "Hello, Richard."

Richard hugged the sweater around him, smiling at him. "That went much better than yesterday."

John flushed. "Yes, it did. I was worried for a few moments."

Richard cocked his head. "You're blushing, why are you blushing?"

"Am I?" He reached up and touched his cheek. "Oh, hell. I don't know why. Probably because I feel like I genuinely helped him today."

Richard bit back a smirk and nodded. "Yes, of course."

John swallowed. "I had the experience of meeting the cruel one today."

Richard nodded solemnly. "Yes, I saw. He...doesn't know who I am. But he knows everyone else, and that's dangerous."

"He seems to despise the others." And seems to think I want something I don't.

"Yeah, he...He thinks James needs to grow up, Jimmy needs to get over himself and that Jim is a pathetic nothing."

John frowned. "That's horrible. But they're... they're all him, how can he... How can he feel that way?"

"You ever have that part of yourself you just can't stand?"

John did. He nodded, remembering shouted insults and buried thoughts. "Yes."

Richard shrugged. "That's what the rest is for him. He can't see the good in any of them as he has virtually none in himself, and..."

"I'm so sorry."

"So long as he doesn't hurt anyone it's alright."

"So long as he keeps it to just me that he takes his problems out on, the rest of you should be okay. At least the others can't remember the things he says about them."

"Well I don't want him to hurt you either, Dr. Watson. And... James does. He knows, he's just too afraid to say anything," he said softly.

John balked. "I... oh, poor James... I took him outside today, I hope, I hope he... He wasn't too mean about him, thankfully. I don't want him to hurt me either, but, I... The alternative is himself, or orderlies. Hurting himself hurts all of you, and hurting someone who isn't me means possible time in the solitary wing. I can handle it, I promise."

Richard shivered. "That solitary wing is a fucking nightmare," he whispered.

"I know, I know. Which is why it's best if I handle him- I won't report what happens. Unless, of course, it's something I can't hide. Lost finger, broken bone, fatal wound..."

"There is a slight chance he might like you."

John blinked. "Like me? Does he only bring out the scare tactics for people he fancies?" It was easy to ignore how unafraid the doctor had been, how good it had felt to have a challenge, one that wouldn't think twice about tearing him apart. No.

"No, he does that with everyone," he chuckled. "But he might...I don't know, actually like you. I mean, we are gay. And you're cute, so there's a good chance... Sorry. Sorry, I shouldn't talk like that. Don't want to make you uncomfortable."

John blushed again, lips twitching slightly. "Um. Thank you." Cute. Oh, lord. Like a pet. "It's, it's fine, it doesn't make me uncomfortable."

Richard ignored the blush and his own smile. "You're welcome. And I just meant...You're not...and I didn't think you'd, um..."

John tilted his head. "Didn't think I'd what?"

"Appreciate the compliment."

John smiled. "Why wouldn't I?"

Richard shrugged. "Most straight men don't like gay men hitting on them."

"Complementing isn't hitting on me, and I'm not- Even if you were, that wouldn't make me uncomfortable."

Richard "Alright," he nodded, blushing and flustered.

John looked down, still smiling. _Moriarty's wrong. Remember that. You can find someone attractive without wanting to have sex with them. My patient. My responsibility to keep him safe._ "Are, um. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, actually," he smiled.

John stood and flagged down an orderly, leaning out of the door to request Richard's lunch.

Richard sat quietly, sighing.

John thanked the woman that brought him the tray and closed the door, handing it to Richard. "Here you are."

"Thank you very much," he smiled, sitting and eating quietly.

John went back to his chair, marking things down on the chart and trying not to dwell on Richard's words. _Impossible. I'm not... and he can't possibly... Nope._

Richard glanced at him. "Alright?"

John looked up from his clipboard. "Hm? Oh, yes, I'm alright."

"If you say so."

"I am. And I do. I'm just... surprised."

Richard frowned. "At what?"

"Someone finding me attractive," he muttered.

"I'm sure hoards of people do."

John chuckled. "I don't know hoards of people, not anymore."

"Well...that nurse likes you."

"Which one?”

"The blonde. That Sarah girl."

John smiled. "Oh. How can you tell?"

"The way she looks at you. I think you like her too.”

"She's pretty, but we haven't really spoken much."

"Well she certainly likes you."

John wondered if he should ask her out, see how it went... It really had been ages... "Well, thank you, Richard."

Richard kept eating. "You should do it."

"Do what?"

Richard "Ask her out. She won't say no."

John blinked. "There are rules, though. No relationships between co-workers, or doctors and patients, or orderlies and nurses, or anything, really."

Richard sighed. "Dumb rule. I mean, the patients I understand, but the rest..."

John shrugged. "It's alright. I'll live.”

Richard chewed his lip. "Not really."

"What do you mean?"

Richard looked at him sadly. "Getting up, going to work, going home and being completely by yourself isn't living, Dr. Watson."

John smiled, eyes weary. "No, no, it isn't. But I enjoy my job."

"You can't possibly enjoy us."

"I do. I enjoy taking care of you, I enjoy making things a little better for you. I mean, it's only my second day, but... it's going well."

"Well, I'm glad."

"That it's going well, or that I like you? Most of you. Word's still out on... well, you know." Moriarty.

Richard nodded, swallowing. "Both. There's been so many that have come and gone. It's dizzying."

"Seven before me, I know. What, um. What happened, to the seventh?"

Richard chewed his lip and stared at his lap. "Well, um...he's a patient here now."

John froze. "Oh, christ. That bad? Maybe I'm lucky he likes me."

"Yeah, well...he got loose over the weekend. Kept the doctor here for three days whispering things in his ear and, well, that's how we ended up in the jacket. Took them quite some time to find you."

John imagined that snarling face close to his ear, dark Irish voice whispering his deepest fears against his skin, utterly shattering... He shivered and closed his eyes. "Am I running a risk by making sure you aren't restrained?"

Richard shook his head. "The only time you need to be scared is if he cracks his neck. If that happens...just...do something."

John thought back to their earlier encounter. "I... I learned my lesson. I will.”

"And really, don't be afraid to hurt him to help us. And yourself."

John met his eyes. "But I don't want to hurt you. Or Jimmy, or James, or Jim."

"They won't know. Jim doesn't notice, Jimmy's used to mystery bruises and give James a bandaid and a kiss and he's just fine."

John turned a little pink. "Oh, okay. But, what about you? What if he vanishes and I hurt one of the others?"

Richard shrugged. "I'm fine. I know what's necessary. And I doubt he can leave on cue."

John sighed. "Oh. Good, good."

Richard sighed and leaned back, setting his empty tray aside.

"Can I get you anything?"

Richard shook his head. "No, dear. But thank you."

John smiled. "Alright. Just checking."

Richard scratched his chin. "You know...it still hits me every day that I'm never going to leave this place. None of us are.”

John frowned. "You... He definitely hasn't helped your case."

Richard shook his head. "No. And it's cost us our lives. And Jim's so smart, too..."

"You're all brilliant."

Richard chuckled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I know... I know, that you... That he ruined it, for all of you. And I'm sorry, so sorry. You could have made a very good life for yourself, without him. And Jimmy, and James, they... they deserve peace, they deserve freedom. You all do.”

“Thank you. And I agree, but...it's better than prison."

John nodded. "At least here, you aren't alone."

Richard snorted. "Nope. I live with four people," he giggled.

John chuckled. "But never at the same time."

"Oh, god, can you imagine?" He laughed.

John grinned. "You'd never get any rest.”

"Not with a five year old bouncing around all the time."

"There'd be arguments too. But, thankfully, it's one at a time. And you have me to keep you company."

"Yes, well...I'm glad it's just one at a time."

John nodded. "Me too."

Richard chuckled and leaned his head back again.

John went back to his forms, writing down Richard's meal in case he got sick later. Food was watched closely. Though it had nothing strawberry-related in it, it couldn't hurt to be safe.

Richard shut his eyes, leaning back against the wall. "Well, looks like my time's up today."

John looked up, smiling gently. "Good night, Richard."

Richard dropped a wink and shut his eyes.

John couldn't help but smile. That's not playing fair, winks like that. He was starting to pick up on the different mannerisms of the different men inhabiting Jim's body, and this was clearly the youngest. "Hello again, little one," he said with a smile."

James grinned at him. "Hiya, Dodder Watson," he smiled, searching around for Hamish and putting him in his lap.

"How are you feeling?"

"Mm, m' head hurts a little."

"Would you like some medicine for the pain?"

James hid behind Hamish's head. "Like what?"

"Tylenol?”

"Wussat?"

"It's for headaches."

"They has medicines for that?"

John nodded. "Yes, many kinds. I'll get you some, James." He opened the door, surprised to find Sarah in the hall. Oh, she's on duty? "Sarah? Yeah, could you bring me two tylenol and a glass of water, please?"

James peeked out the door after him, ducking out of sight when the woman looked at him. "Sure," she said, smiling warmly at the doctor. She handed him the pills and a bottle of water.

John gave her a grin. "Thank you, very much." He slipped back into the room and handed James the pills and the bottle.

James took them from him, opening the bottle. "That lady likes you."

John tilted his head. "Does she?"

James nodded, looking at the pills. "What do I do with these?"

John "You put them in your mouth, and take a drink of water, and swallow them all down together."

James nodded. "M'kay." He took a drink and popped the pills in his mouth, swallowing. He missed one, biting down on it by mistake. He made a face and coughed, getting the rest of it down with a panicked gulp. He heaved for air a few moments before looking at John and bursting into tears.

"James, are you okay?"

James kept coughing and crying intelligibly.

John knelt in front of him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "James?"

"I-I didn't, do-do it right and it t-tastes bad!" He hiccuped.

"Hey, it's okay. Drink some more water, it'll wash out the nasty flavor. And if not, I have something that'll help."

“I can't do anything," he whimpered, taking another drink- but it just spread around his mouth. He grimaced, fat tears still leaking down his cheeks.

John reached into his pocket and pulled a piece of gum. It was fruity, and he didn't like it, but it had been all they had in the vending machines. "Here, James. It's alright, I promise. Accidents happen."

James's eyes lit up. "For me?"

John nodded, smiling. "For you. Just make sure to throw your trash away, okay?”

James nodded. "Yessir." He took it and started chewing. "And I won't swallow it!" He swore, humming and bouncing at the taste.

John smiled at him and drew his hand back. "That's good. Does it help, the taste?"

James nodded happily. "Thank you."

John "Good! I'm glad to hear that. And you're welcome, little one."

James smiled and picked up Hamish again, nuzzling his face in his head. "Hamish can't has gum 'cause it'll get stuck in his fur."

John giggled. "That's right, and gum is tough to clean out. Plus, it might hurt his tummy."

James nodded and kissed Hamish's head. "Don't worry, I won't let you get a tummy ache."

John "You're very good to Hamish."

"I had a bad Daddy and Mummy. I won't be a bad Daddy or Mummy to Hamish. I promised him that."

"If I had a child, I'd feel exactly the same."

"You don't have kids?"

John shook his head. "Nope. I'm single, and I was enlisted for so long that I never really got the chance to settle down and start a family."

"But...all grown ups have kids. And wives," he whispered, twiddling his thumbs. "What's inn-list-ed mean?"

"Not all of us. I don't have a partner. Enlisted means I was in the army."

James "It's okay. I don't wanna wife either," he whispered. "In th' army? You fought bad guys?"

John smiled and nodded. "Yes. Mostly I healed the good guys, though."

"Oh yeah," he giggled. "You're a dodder."

"Yep! I made people better. For about ten years, and then I came back to London. And now, I work here."

"Wow, ten whole years," he made a face and cocked his head. "You're old. You're like..." He thought a moment, trying to think of a high number and be clever. "Seventeen!"

John smiled. "Yes, I am."

James squinted, looking at him. "You're not seventeen, liar."

"No, but I'm old. I wasn't lying about that. I'm thirty-seven."

James's eyes grew. "I can't even count that high."

John smiled. "Yes you can. You told me you could count to thirty-eight, and I believe you."

James smacked his forehead. "Thirty-seven comes after thirty-six. Duh," he rolled his eyes. "I'm so stupid."

John frowned. "No, sweetie, you're not stupid."

"Am too."

John touched his shoulder again. "No, James, you're very smart. I mean that."

James sniffed. "Everyone else says I'm stupid."

John looked into his eyes. "Everyone else is wrong."

"They are?"

John nodded. "I know you're brilliant."

James blushed. "'M not."

"Yes, sweetie, you are. I promise."

"How do you know?"

"Because, James. I'm a doctor, and doctors have to be smart. That means we can tell when other people are smart too."

"So you think I'm smart?"

"I know you're smart."

"How?”

John smiled. "Do you like to read, James?"

James nodded. "Uh huh."

John "What sort of books?"

James shrugged. "What I can get. I like chapper books."

"The fact that you're reading so young shows how smart you are, little one."

"Well, there's nuffin' else to do," he mumbled, shy.

"Want me to bring you some books tomorrow?"

James perked up. "Please?"

John smiled. "Okay. Any preferences?"

James shrugged. "Nothin' boring," he said firmly.

]"What do you consider boring, James?"

James shrugged. "I dunno, boring stuff. Like...normal people and things.”

John smiled. "You want adventure, and magic, and mythical creatures?"

James nodded. "Uh huh," he grinned.

"That's perfect, those are the sorts of books I like to read!"

James grinned. "They are?!”

John shook his head in affirmation. "Oh, yes. I can bring in a few and read them to you, if you like."

James smiled. "I'd like that a lot."

"We'll start with Harry Potter, then. I'm looking forward to it."

"Harry Podder?"

"It's about a young boy who lives with mean relatives, and one day, he gets a letter informing him that he's a wizard, and is now old enough to attend the wizard school."

James's eyes grew. "That sounds won'erful."

"It is. It's one of my favorites. There are seven books in the series."

"I got time," he nodded.

John smiled. "Good. It'll be fun."

James licked his lips. "Thank you, Dodder Watson."

John patted his shoulder and sat down on the floor. "You're welcome, James."

James reached out to play with John's hair.

John chuckled and let him, closing his eyes. "That's nice."

"Your hair's yellow."

"Yes, it is. Do you like it?"

"Yes, I do," he said, finding some gray. "This is pretty too."

John blushed. "Really? Even the gray, coarse bits?”

James nodded. "I think it's all pretty. Mine's all dark and boring. You got all kinds of colors."

John "I think your hair is beautiful, James. It looks soft."

James gently touched his own hair. "Maybe. Here check," he leaned toward him.

John reached up and ran a hand through his hair, and sure enough, it was just as silky as it looked. "Just as I thought. Very soft, very fine. Your hair is very pretty, James."

James pinked again. "Thank you, Dodder Watson." He cuddled Hamish again. "Is it naptime?"

John smiled and stood up. "Yes, James, it is. You can sleep now, little one."

James yawned and rolled over, lying down on the bed and curling in the sweater, holding the rabbit and burrowing under the blanket. "Goodnight, Dodder Watson."

John "Goodnight, James." John returned to his chair, just in case. _One hour left._

Jim grunted awake awhile later, throat scratchy. He rolled over, pushing the rabbit away with a blush and looked at John. "Afternoon."

John smiled and offered him James' water. "Hello there."

Jim took it. "Thanks," he said, taking a large gulp. "You okay? I didn't...?"

"Didn't hurt me at all."

Jim sighed, falling back. "Thank god."

"Took you for a warm shower, took you outside for a bit, fed you, and just talked.”

Jim swallowed. "That's weird."

"What is?"

"That...that I did all of those things and I don't, I don't remember moving. It's like..." He thought a moment. "Like playing a video game and you save it at a certain spot, but each time you go to play it again you're further ahead but you don't remember getting there."

John nodded. "I'm sorry. That makes sense, but I can't really explain why it happens."

"What? Will you break me if you say something?" He joked.

John ran a hand through his hair. "Probably."

Jim blinked. "Oh. Well, um...by all means, don't."

John swallowed. "I'm sorry, Jim."

"Not your fault I'm nuts."

"You're not nuts, Jim. You're a little unorganized, is all."

"I'm insane. That's why I'm here."

"I'm a doctor, Jim. I mean it. You're not crazy. You're bent, not broken."

Jim sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Still doesn't mean I'm ever getting out of here.""I'm sorry. Probably not, but we can always aim for lower security and more freedoms."

"Doesn't get me closer to a better bed, better food and being able to get a cup of tea when I want," he whispered, looking dejected with tears in his eyes. "It's what I deserve, I guess."

"I’m so, so sorry. You deserve much better than this, Jim. You're a very intelligent man, and you're not violent. You've been through too much to end up stuck in this hellhole."

Jim swallowed. "Apparently I don't. I've never deserved anything good. Might've gotten some if I did."

John felt a knot in his stomach. "I want to help. I want to try, to get you out of here."

Jim shook his head. "They'll never let me out," he whispered, tears on his face now.

"Jim, they might. I'm going to do whatever I can to help, I mean it." And that might mean having to find a way to suppress Moriarty.

Jim swallowed, staying quiet now.

John "If it's tea you want... I can sneak some in tomorrow."

Jim's eyes rose. "You can?"

John nodded. "I can bring it in my thermos."

"And you'd do that for me?"

"Yes, Jim. I would."

"Why?”

"Because I want you to be happy."

Jim frowned. "Happy?"

John nodded. "You said you wanted tea, and while I can't do much, I can at least bring you that."

"I just...didn't think people cared that much.”

John smiled. "I do."

Jim half smiled back. "I'm glad, then."

"How are you feeling, Jim?”

Jim shrugged. "Fine, I suppose."

"Any pain?"

Jim shook his head. "Not that I can tell."

"That's good! I'm glad to hear that. "Do you need anything?"

"Sanity?"

John blinked. "I'm working on that one."

"Makes two of us."

John's eyes grew sad. "I really wish you could have the good life you deserve, Jim."

Jim sighed softly. "That's...just not for me. I don't get happy. I never have."

"...I wish you would."

"You do?"

John nodded. "Yeah. You need some joy in your life, you need a break from all the darkness."

Jim shrugged. "Not in my cards."

John "Then the cards are wrong."

Jim chuckled and looked at him. "I've never had someone say that to me."

"Really? Then everyone else is a berk."

"You're literally the kindest person I've ever met, Dr. Watson."

John pinked. "I... thank you, Jim."

Jim nodded. "You're welcome."

"Anything you need, anything that will brighten your time in here, I'll get it for you."

Jim licked his lips, eyes misted. "Damn."

"What's wrong?"

"You're just...different."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good, I think.”

John smiled at him. "That's good."

Jim licked his lips. "Glad you think so."

John felt his tongue slip out to wet his own, a nervous response he'd always had. At least, so he thought. "I have an hour before I have to clock out for the night; Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about?"

"A way to possibly get a light in here?" He said softly, ears burning in embarrassment. "I don't like the dark."

"Like an electric wall light? I can bring you one tomorrow. They don't like inmates to have them in this ward, because they can be broken and used as weapons, so... I can bring it in with your books. And tea. Which, speaking of, you'll have to tell me how you take it."

"I won't do that," he swore, shaking his head. "I...I see things in the dark and I never sleep right," he whispered. "Um, lots of cream and lots of sugar."

John nodded. "Sweet, I can do sweet. Hopefully I won't muck it up too badly. If you can make it through one night, Jim, you'll have a light. I promise."

Jim felt tears well in his eyes again. "Thank you. So much."

John patted his hand. "You're welcome."

Jim jumped a little at the touch, surprised by it.

"Sorry."

"Not used to it," he said softly.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was trying to reassure you.”

"No, it's fine," Jim assured, nodding quickly. "I'm just...very surprised."

"Why's that?"

Jim "Well usually when someone's trying to touch me they're trying to hurt me. Not comfort me."

John frowned. "I'll never hurt you, Jim. I swear."

Jim nodded. "I know. It's just...difficult."

"I understand, it'll take time for you be sure."

Jim nodded again, pinked.

John stood up. "But I'll prove it to you. I promise." He looked at his watch. "Oh, hell, I have to go file my paperwork and head home. I'll, um. I'll have to strap you down, I'm so sorry."

Jim nodded. "Okay," he said softly, climbing into the bed and under the covers, leaving his wrists and ankles free.

John made sure Hamish was somewhere James could find it and gently buckled Jim in. "I'll be back tomorrow, Jim. With treats." He gave him a warm smile. "And a light. I won't forget."

Jim chuckled. "Thank you," he said softly, smiling back as best as he could.

John gave him a small wave as he left, heading toward the doctor's station. He filed his work for the day and clocked out. On the way home, John stopped off at a supermarket and bought a small, rectangular nightlight, as well as a coloring book and a book of fairy tales with pictures and a pack of crayons. _There_. He packed them into his bag when he reached his flat, adding the first Harry Potter book and some crime novels and fantasy for Jim. _Tea in the morning_. He stripped off his suit and climbed into bed, exhausted.

Jim waved back and lied down, staring at the ceiling, into the dark. He whimpered at the shapes and voices that appeared, monsters shrieking and screaming in his face, civilians he didn't remembered bloodying his hands. He shut his eyes, tight, trying to fight them off, and cried himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes bearing gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS DAY CAME OUT REALLY LONG.
> 
> [[SPOILERS]]
> 
> Also, warning for the next chapter: Explicit sexual content, dub-con, but also fluff and some of the most beautiful scenes we've ever written together. So if you don't want to see the dub-con, just scroll really fast until you don't see 'Moriarty' anymore. This chapter, however, is safe.

John woke with a groan, his alarm blaring. He crawled out of bed and headed to the shower, washing himself well before shutting off the water and wrapping in his dressing gown. _Tea, John._ He put the kettle on as he combed his wet hair and starting getting out his clothes. By the time he was dressed, the tea was ready- he poured it into his thermos and added sugar and cream, enough to lighten it to a rich, milky brown. Once the cap was on, he grabbed his bag and headed to the hospital.

Moriarty's eyes flicked open, proud of his bought of nightmares that he'd given his host. He smirked up at the ceiling, growling, reaching for the stupid rabbit that was just out of his reach, cursing.

John opened the door, his warm smile fading to a blank, professional look as soon as he saw the snarl. "Good morning, Mr. Moriarty.”

Moriarty shut his eyes and took a deep breath when John came in, a grin spreading on his face. "Mmm, don't you smell so pretty?"

John rolled his eyes. "Thank you, I suppose. Did you sleep well?"

"Do you really care?" He snorted.

"Yes, actually, I do."

"Why?"

John "Because, believe it or not, I care about the others. They've been through hell, because of you, so you? You are the one I need to fix, Mr. Moriarty. You're the one I need I need to heal, because if I heal you, they might have a shot at freedom. And you are a part of Jim. I like him, and I want to make his life better. You're a part of his life."

Moriarty snorted. "Fix me? You think you can fix me? To save the shell, the baby and the pathetic waste? It won't happen, Doc. Never. You can't fix what I am."

"And what is it that you are, Mr. Moriarty?"

"Hell on earth?"

John looked at him, eyes unblinking. "... Yes, yes you are. You're dangerous. You revel in pain, and bloodshed, the side of him that wants revenge on the world that abused him. But I think there has to be a way to appease you."

Jim tried getting the rabbit again. "You do?"

John picked Hamish up, not trusting him with it. Not yet. "Everyone has a price, something they want. Isn't that part of what you did before you ended up here?"

Moriarty sighed, the fun gone, and slumped against the bed. "Yes, it was. But what do you think my price is?"

"Haven't the foggiest. That's the interesting part. It could be anything in the world, and even if I happen across it while we talk, you could be lying through your teeth and I wouldn't know."

Moriarty shook his head and grinned. "No, you wouldn't. Oh, this will be fun."

John smiled a little. "Thought you might enjoy it."

"Appeasing me, huh? Dangerous game."

John nodded. "Yes. A very dangerous one, indeed. Which is why I can do it. And you? You get to bluff. You get mental stimulation, and you get to watch me try to figure it out- because I'm not as intelligent as you, and you know that."

Moriarty smirked. "Well...you're smarter than I gave you credit for."

"I'll take that as a compliment. So. Shall we begin?"

Moriarty nodded. "Whenever you're ready."

John licked his lips. "How many of your kills were strictly business?"

"That I was responsible for or that I did myself?"

John "Both. The question about pleasure comes next."

"Mm, there were hundreds that were business related. Twenty eight that were personal, including Carl Powers."

John nodded. "And how many did you do with your own hands, and not by proxy?”

"Seven."

“Were they all personal?"

"Yes."

"And what was your preferred killing method?"

Moriarty grinned. "Knives."

John shook his head. "Not weapon. Style. A simple stabbing, evisceration?" It was actually important, to find out what sort of man Moriarty was.

"As slow as absolutely possible," he growled.

John felt his breath hitch slightly, just a little. _Oh, come on, he's not so scary. ...That's the problem._ "Alright. What do you feel the best part of your job was?"

"The game. Figuring it all out, watching people bloody themselves up trying to get me to help them first. Rather cute, what people do."

John hummed, thinking. _Attention. A need to be desired. Or is he lying?_ "Did the money matter at all?"

Moriarty snorted. "No. The game mattered. Not being bored mattered.”

"And you, Mr. Moriarty. Would you do anything, to not be bored?"

Moriarty nodded. "Yep. Almost fucking killed myself."

John frowned. "Because nothing could occupy you?"

"Yeah. Had the gun in my mouth and everything."

"...What stopped you?"

"Sherlock."

"The psychologist. He's interesting enough to live for?"

"No. He literally stopped me. He shot me in the leg.

John winced. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"I've never been so mad," he growled. "I was ready to go, _we_ were ready to go. Everything would've been fine..."

John didn't think this was an act. He really wanted release. "That's... I'm sorry he stopped that, your peace."

"Yeah. Would've made everyone's lives easier. The pathetic thing would've shut up. the baby'd stop crying for Mummy."

John felt his jaw tense. "Jimmy isn't pathetic, he's hurt. And James needs to be nurtured."

Moriarty looked at him. "So sentimental. Must be nice."

"What? To feel?"

"To be so blissfully aware of everyone."

John cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

"You...like people."

John nodded. "Yes, I do. Some of my best friends are people."

Moriarty snorted. "Doc's got jokes. I like that."

John grinned, a little pleased. "Alright, so, you're not a people person. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I fucking hate ordinary, boring, disgusting, useless lumps of flesh that call themselves people."

John arched his brow. "... Alright, most people don't take it _quite_ that far- but then again, you're not most people. What if you found someone, someone who challenged you, mentally and physically?"

"Apparently I get shot in the leg," he snorted.

"Well, not Sherlock, obviously, he's right out. I'm serious, though. Someone you respected, no matter how grudgingly. Preferably someone who has never tried to kill you, either."

"I don't know," he shrugged.

John filed it away for later. _Maybe he just needs someone to play with. Someone to play with, or release._ "... What did you do to the last doctor?"

Moriarty giggled, that same sound of silverware hitting a mirror echoing from his throat. "I...showed him what he was."

"And what was he, Mr. Moriarty?"

"Just as crazy as the rest of us. People don't notice, though, you have to tell them. Have to whisper all their insecurities and show them just how neurotic and obsessed and violent and delusional everyone in this building is.”

"Is that what you were trying to do yesterday?

"What? No, no, I was trying to get you to remember you're bisexual."

John snorted and looked down at the floor. "Not something I'd forgotten, to be honest. Something I just ignore."

Moriarty hissed. "Daddy hit you good, didn't he?"

John nodded. "Threw me down the stairs, actually. Locked me in the dark basement for two days. Broke my arm, cut my back up pretty badly on canning jars. Told me no son of his would be a, and I quote, 'fucking poofter', and that he'd straighten me out. I got off easy, he put my sister in the hospital for two weeks when she came out."

Moriarty licked his lips and nodded back. "Parents suck."

"Yeah. I'm just glad it wasn't worse. But, there you have it, why I stay away from men. It reminds me of that pain, that isolation. That darkness. No matter how attractive one may be, I just... can't."

"Well that's awful. Cock's great," Moriarty giggled, looking at him and smiling a little.

John felt his cheeks pink. "Rather fond of my own, so I guess I've got a one hundred percent preference rate."

Moriarty snorted. "You poor sod."

John shrugged. "Well. Maybe someday someone will come along and I won't be able to help myself." He briefly thought of Jimmy's shower the day before and cleared his throat. _That's fucked up, John._

Moriarty chuckled, looking at him. "You think I'm pretty, don't you?”

John saw no reason to lie; Moriarty could see right through it. "You're a handsome man, yes."

Moriarty smirked. "See, that wasn't so hard."

"What wasn't?"

"Admitting it."

"All I said is that you're attractive, Mr. Moriarty."

Moriarty chuckled. "Mmhm."

John thought back to what the man had said the day before. "Aesthetic attraction doesn't mean I want you physically."

Moriarty giggled. "Okay."

John cocked his head. "You don't believe me."

Moriarty shook his head. "Nope. But you might not know it yet either."

John blinked, preparing to say something, when he remembered the man's moans in the hot water. _Moriarty's just getting under your skin._ "Even if I somehow did, it couldn't happen."

"You have no sense of adventure."

"I do. Believe me, I do, but there's a severe lack if consenting adults in there with you."

"Oh, the baby."

"James and Jimmy. I don't want to hurt them."

Moriarty rolled his eyes. "Worrywart."

"Someone needs to worry."

Moriarty sighed. "Sure."

"What's wrong?"

"'M bored."

John knew that was bad. "What can I do to help?"

"Stop talking about the babies."

John nodded. "Alright. We'll focus on you then, Mr. Moriarty."

"They annoy me. It's not an ego thing."

John nodded. "I know. But I still plan on dropping the subject."

"Good," he said, settling.

John knew he was going to regret asking, but he had to know. "Why are you interested in my sexuality?"

Moriarty smirked. "You're hot."

John felt his cheeks flush. "Oh. Thanks."

"You're welcome.”

John licked his lips. "I... You are too."

Moriarty grinned, eyes darkening. He looked over at him. "Am I?"

John nodded. "Very much so. I..." He let out a breath. _Richard will kill you, christ, he can hear everything. James can hear everything._ "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying that, should I?"

Moriarty giggled, shaking his head. "Oh, it's just too sweet," he grinned.

"What do you mean?"

"You are so worried about the baby."

John swallowed. "Okay. Okay. Yesterday. The shower. I... I didn't expect to... Christ, you're gorgeous. And the noises you made... I had to force myself to keep my eyes on the ground, to give you all privacy."

Moriarty cackled, the sound harsh. "Oh... if that pathetic thing could hear you now," he grinned. "He'd be scarred for life, huddling in a corner and shying away from you. Or he might get on his knees and open our pretty mouth because that's what he thinks you want."

John shook his head. "No, no, that's not what I want, I don't want anything other than to make their lives a little better. I'm not going to touch you. Any of you."

"Never say never," he winked.

John was realizing how terrible it was, to flirt with this man who was really five men, to flirt with Moriarty, who loved to remind him of how much damage he'd cause if something happened. _James would be afraid of me, Jimmy would hate me, Richard would never forgive me... and Jim would be oblivious, curious as to why I'd be so reserved and sad around him._ "I can't, I can't, everyone would hate me. I noticed, that's all, I just... noticed. I didn't do anything. It's not like I went home and thought about it all night, I didn't, I was exhausted and fell asleep the moment I hit the mattress. I'm not... I'm not going to hurt them, I'm not going to take advantage of my position, I'm not going to risk your overall mental health just to get off.”

Moriarty licked his teeth and sat back again, grinning at the ceiling. "We'll see."

John lowered his gaze to the floor, eyes stinging. _Never. Never. I care about them._

"Ooh, I've struck a chord, haven't I?"

John nodded.

"I'm not apologizing."

"I'm not asking you to. Just dealing with how extremely sketchy you make me sound."

Moriarty chuckled. "Oops?"

John should have known. He should have known that Moriarty wasn't flirting, that he was trying to make John feel like scum. _I'll just quit talking to him when he's here. God, what a cunt. ... You brought this on yourself. No, no, I didn't._

Moriarty shut his eyes. "Bye."

John kept his head down. "Goodbye, Mr. Moriarty." He pulled his bag around, terrified, unpacking the books, the tea, and the nightlight, which he moved to plug in.

"Dr. Watson," Richard said gently, trying to get his attention.

John "Mr. Brook," he replied, focusing on pulling out the coloring book and crayons, arranging them with Hamish on the endtable.

Richard swallowed. "Please, untie me."

John nodded and undid the straps, freeing him and moving away as quickly as he could. "I wanted to be sure he was gone, I'm sorry."

Richard sat up, rubbing them a little and taking off the sweater. "Dr. Watson, look at me," he said, still soft.

John lifted his head, blue eyes worried.

Richard reached forward and put his hands over his. "It's okay," he assured.

John blinked down at him. "It's not, I'm... I shouldn't have talked to him, I shouldn't have let myself forget, it's... it's not good."

Richard shook his head. "You're human John. Humans make mistakes, it's okay."

John swallowed. "More than a mistake. I should never think that way, I shouldn't make you all feel like you're in danger. You're not. I have rules, I'd never hurt you, any of you, especially the kids." His vision blurred and he blinked, a few tears slipping down his face. "Never. Never. I'm supposed to protect you, to help you, and I will."

"Hey, hey, look at me," Richard whispered, lifting his chin. "I know you won't hurt us. I know that. James has no idea what you're talking about and Jimmy can't hear you. It's alright. You are protecting us, you are helping us. It's alright."

John nodded weakly, looking into his eyes. "Okay. Okay. That's, that's good. That they can't... I brought everything they asked for. And extras, in the case of James. Not, not because I felt guilty, I... I wanted to make them happy."

Richard smiled gently at him. "And it's going to. That's so sweet of you, John, thank you."

John managed a gentle smile, eyes still wet. "You're welcome."

Richard leaned forward and hugged him, patting his back. "It's okay. We're alright. You're fine, everything's okay."

John hugged him back, blinking. "Okay," he breathed. "I... alright."

Richard leaned back and patted his cheek, still smiling at him.

John returned the expression, wiping his eyes. "Um. So. How, um. How are you today? Any headaches?"

"Head hurts like a motherfucker, but that's not important."

"Yes, it is. You need your medication regardless, and I can get you some tylenol like usual."

Richard swallowed and shook his head.

"If... is it because of what I said? I can... I can get you a nurse to, to administer them, if you... don't feel safe, around me..."

"No! No, damn it, John, stop it," he said firmly.

John lowered his head. "Okay."

"I swear to you, what bothers me about this most is that you're hurt."

John chuckled quietly. "That's... you probably shouldn't care, Richard. It's... God, they should flog me in the middle of the cafeteria."

"Because you find a man attractive?"

John pinked. "Because of things I admitted to him. You're still my patient, and, christ..."

Richard shook his head. "So?"

"I don't know, I just feel awful.”

Richard smiled gently. "I promise you, it's fine."

John adjusted his glasses and gave a small nod. "Okay. Why don't you want the medication? Is it causing you to fog again?"

"I just wanted you to focus on you a minute. I'll take them."

John smiled back at him, eyes warm. "Well, I... Um, thank you. Thank you, Richard. I'm, I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm not going to discuss that with him. Or, or think it. I swear."

Richard shook his head. "It's okay," he assured. He glanced down at the thermos. "Oh lord, is that the tea?"

John nodded. "Want some?"

"Please," he implored.

John passed it to him. "Just save some for Jim."

"Oh, of course, just one cup and I'll be fine," Richard whispered, pouring out some and taking a sip. He sighed, shutting his eyes. "God that's wonderful."

"Not too sweet, is it?"

Richard shook his head. "It's perfect."

John beamed up at him. "I'm glad. Still warm?"

Richard nodded. "Yes, it's wonderful."

John leaned against the nightstand, knees up to his chest. "Good, I made it on my way out the door."

"You're sure you're alright?"

John met his eyes. "It's not like I can just... stop feeling like I crossed a line. But, with you, reassuring me, I feel a little less like a monster."

"You're not," Richard said with a frown. "He is a monster, not you. If...if you talk to James later, will that make you feel better?"

John swallowed. "Talking to all of you will make me feel better. I promised things for everyone, after all. I think, I think giving them to them would help."

Richard patted his hand. "Well, I'm sure I'll be out of here soon enough."

"Hey, no, not what I meant, Richard. I enjoy my time with you. You're the only one I can really speak freely with."

Richard nodded, embarrassed. "Right, well...if you give Jim enough time you'll be able to do the same. And Jimmy..." He looked up at him, chewing his lip. "John, I think its time you knew."

John cocked his head. "Knew what?"

Richard licked his lips. "What happened to him. To us. What made Jim break into pieces."

John felt his chest tighten. "I... Alright."

Richard ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He could do this. It was his job, after all. "Jim's parents were awful. His mother burned him, threw him down the stairs, tried to drown him. His father told him he wasn't his and punched him hard enough to knock out teeth. Hence these," he said, tapping just under his lower lip. "When he was three his mother shot his father in the head and then herself. Right in front of him while he was coloring. After that it was a string of foster homes, and they were just as terrible. He...well, you heard James," he said softly. "Touching such an innocent boy is just...it's awful. It happened at a different place when he was seven, bullied mercilessly and constantly. When he was ten he had a friend named Abby. Just a wee thing he took care of and...she drowned in a creek. You know what happened when he was thirteen but I don't think Jim remembers. But...the...the big one happened when he was sixteen."

John hugged his legs, his eyes prickling. "Will the, the coloring book scare him, then? And... Oh, god. What happened, Richard?"

Richard shook his head. "No. He might say something about it not having blood on it. He thought she was napping. He still cries for her sometimes." He cleared his throat. "Jim's smart. He's a damn genius and he got tired of being poor and mocked for it. So he found this company. Big motherfucker, had offshore accounts everywhere. He took five grand from one. Just one, just a measly little number to get himself some proper clothes and some things that actually belonged to him first. Like a damn hair brush and some soap that didn't crack his skin. They, um. They found out. And they caught him. But they didn't make him give the money back he had to...work for it." He cleared his throat again. "They kept him for, um...for sex."

John was pale, left hand shaking slightly. "Oh, god, no... When, when he said... That's why..." His eyes widened in horror.

Richard swallowed. "They threw him in a room of ten to twenty men, stark naked and let them do whatever they wanted. They took a sixteen year old boy and...God, they spit on him, they beat him, the forced their dicks down his throat, whipped him, strangled him, pissed on him, whatever they fancied. They strapped him down, hung him from the ceiling, put spreader bars on him, gagged him. And god, they would laugh. If he pleaded or cried they laughed in that boy's face and fucked him harder. They'd touch him to make him release and tell him he liked it, just to make him sob that he didn't, that he hated it, but how could he not believe what his body told him? And they trained him. Told him if he did everything they asked he'd get to eat and sleep. And they lied. They'd let him sleep for ten minutes and wake him back up, or they'd say they'd let him eat and make him swallow their come. If he cried when they didn't want him to they starved him and hung him in the shower under icy water for hours. If he asked for something to eat they tossed him in the dark with the rats for a few days. He got sick once, and instead of leaving him to get better or help him they dragged him to a room filled with people, strapped him to a machine and let it fuck him for six hours straight. He couldn't walk for almost two days. That same week they threw him on a dirty mattress, pressed a gun into his mouth and told him to jerk off or they'd kill him. Once he threw up after someone came in his mouth and they hung his whole body from the ceiling and left him. The rope dug into his skin and made him bleed. The scars he has from them are so deep they almost run to the bone. Three days of hanging and swaying and begging for help or mercy..." He took a shuddering breath, tears running down his cheeks. "He was a virgin when he arrived. And it was a year before he got the chance to get away. A year. And even then he had to break his wrists just to get out of the cuffs. He grabbed the pants he saw and ran."

John covered his mouth, tears falling from his eyes. There were no words, nothing at all, that could be said about what happened to him. John's throat tightened. _And I... oh, christ._ He blinked, shaking, eyes locked on Richard's. "I... I'm so sorry," he whispered, hand nearly stifling the sound. _No one should have to experience that. No one. Let alone a boy... jesus christ... only to end up here? No, god, no, it isn't fair._

Richard took a breath. "Then when he got to the hospital he found he couldn't talk. God help him, he couldn't speak. He tried. And they," he laughed ruefully. "They thought he'd run away and whored himself out and didn't want to get in trouble. So when he didn't talk they sent him here for a year. Gave him that medicine that locked him away in his head. And when it wore off he screamed so loud... He checked himself out at eighteen and didn't know that four more people had formed in his head. It's hard to notice blackouts in this place."

John closed his eyes. _I have to help you. I have to get you out of here. You need the life you never had._

Richard looked down at his hands. "So that's it. That's what happened. That's why I'm here."

John swallowed the lump in his throat. "I... I'm so sorry. God, there's... You don't belong here. Being here won't make it better."

Richard shook his head, sniffing, more tears coming. "No, no it won't. It just makes that poor boy worse. And what kind of child can grow up in a place like this, and Jim..." His head fell back, sniffing. "I'm sorry."

"No, shh, don't apologize to me, Richard." He offered him his hand. "Fuck, I wish I could help. I wish I could make it better."

Richard took his hand and wiped his eyes. "You want to make it better?"

John nodded and squeezed his palm gently. "I do, but... That much suffering... Nothing I do will make it better, will it?"

"You want to help that sweet boy you hug him. You hold him and you let him cry. No meds, no agenda, no questions you ask him if you can hold him and you let him cry."

"I can do that. I can definitely do that, Richard."

"Please do," he breathed. "Someone needs to love that boy."

John nodded again. "I'll take care of him. No meds."

Richard ran a hand over his face, fading. "I'll see you later, Dr. Watson, alright?" He smiled. "You're gonna be fine. All you have to do is care."

"I do, Richard. See you later."

James blinked and looked up, a grin spreading over his cheeks, his hands going in the air. "Dodder Watson!"

John smiled and knelt down to hug him. "Hello, James! I brought you gifts today."

James hugged back, squeezing him. He gasped. "More?"

"Yes, more! First, I got you a night light." John pointed to it. "And I brought books- picture books for you, and the first Harry Potter book- I can read you a few chapters today. And... a coloring book, and crayons."

James was awed, eyes filled with happy tears. "Oh, Dodder Watson, thank you very much. It's not even my birfday."

John giggled and hugged him again. "Which one do you want to start with?"

"Well...plug in th' light so the monster will go away."

“I already have, little one.”

James sighed, relieved. "Thanks you, Dodder Watson."

"What next?"

"Colors?"

John handed him the book and the crayons. "Here you are, dear."

James's eyes widened. "Twenty four?"

John nodded. "Yep, a big pack."

"Oh wow..."

John sat down on the floor and smiled up at him. "And a brand new book."

"No blood?"

John smiled. "None at all. Clean and ready for you to color on."

James got on the floor with him and Hamish, settling the rabbit in his lap and flipped through the book, finding a picture he liked and started to color. "You wanna color too?"

John grinned. "Yes, please, James."

James smiled and shared the book, setting the crayons between the two of them.

John started to color a picture of a lion.

James contentedly colored a hedgehog, humming along and trying to color in the lines.

"That's very pretty, James."

James blushed. "Thank you, Dodder Watson. I like your lion too."

John smiled. "Thank you!"

James continued coloring, pausing now and again to mess with John's hair and name tag a little.

John giggled at the childlike touches. "Are you having fun?"

James nodded. "Yes, very much, thank you."

John hummed happily. "You're very welcome."

James kept coloring, humming tunelessly. When he finished he carefully tore the page out and offered it to him.

John took it with a smile. "For me?"

James nodded, blushing a little. "Yep. The hej-hog looks like you."

"I'll hang it above my bed when I go home, and take a picture to show you. And this-" he tore out the lion- "Is for you."

James blushed and took it. "Thank you, Dodder Watson! It's pretty. Thank you. Can I pin it up there?" He said, pointing to the wall beside the bed.

John nodded. "Yes, you can." He took a bit of medical tape and tore it off, sticking it to the top of the picture. "You want to hang it yourself?"

James nodded. "Yes, please." He took it from him and stuck it crookedly to the wall before hopping back down with him. "Can I see the books, please?"

John smiled and pulled out the book of illustrated fairy tales.

James's eyes grew. "That's beautiful," he whispered, reaching for it.

John handed it to him. "And it's all yours. Don't forget to write your name in it."

James nodded. "Can I have a pencil, please?" He said, holding it gingerly and carefully turning the pages.

John pulled one out of his bag and handed it to him. "Of course, James."

"Thank you." He held it clumsily and wrote his name as neatly as he could before handing it back to him. "Thank you very much."

John smiled. "You're welcome. Want to read it for a few?"

James nodded. "Yes, I do, please."

John gently touched his hair. "Alright, little one. Just let me know when you want me to read the other book to you."

James turned so his back was against John's chest, nestling in his lap and opened the book to start reading.

John smiled down at him and pulled out a book of his own, one of the Dresden Files series, Proven Guilty- his favorite.

James read through a few before getting to a title he couldn't possibly pronounce. _Rum..._ He held the book up to John's nose, pointing. "What's that word?"

"Rumpelstiltskin."

James brought it back down, speaking very seriously. "That's a silly word."

John giggled. "It's German, I think."

James shook his head. "It's still silly."

John nodded. "Yes, it is."

James "What are you reading?"

"It's a story about a wizard in modern America, fighting bad guys."

"Ooh..." He smiled. "Neat."

John "I really like it. It's very action-packed, and the wizard reminds me of, well. Me. Sometimes, at least. He's much funnier."

"You're plenty funny."

John blushed a little. "I am?"

James nodded. "I think you are."

John smiled. "Thank you, James."

"You're welcome," he replied, looking back to his book.

John went back to his own as well, the man sitting in his lap with a book of fairytales, and somehow, it didn't feel unusual to him. 2:51 PM

James yawned awhile later and turned his head into John's shoulder, eyes falling shut.

John smiled at him and carefully got the thermos out of the bag beside him, careful not to wake him.

Jim woke with a grunt, sitting up in surprise when he realized where he was. He turned and looked at John. "Uh. Hi."

John smiled and picked up the thermos. "Morning, Jim."

"Morning." He got up, sitting on the bed, scratching his eyes.

"I brought you the light. And books. And tea."

Jim's eyes lit up, waking fully. "Oh...thank you."

John handed him the thermos and the five books he'd brought; Adams and Tolkien and Pratchett and Verne and, finally, an Anne Rice book about mummies. "Not vampires," he said with a smile, "but you said nothing about mummies."

Jim smiled back, a real, full smile that reached his eyes and lit up his face. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

John couldn't help but think he looked beautiful, with that real smile. "You're welcome, Jim."

Jim took a drink of the tea and sighed, humming contentedly. "Oh my god, that's good."

John grinned. "I'm glad you think so."

Jim nodded eagerly. "Perfect, it's perfect."

John closed his eyes. "Good."

"Are you alright?"

John peeked up at him. "I'm wonderful. Glad to see you happy.”

"I...god, I don't think I've ever been this happy."

"As long as you can be now, that's all that matters."

Jim smiled a little. "I didn't think I could be."

"I'm going to make sure it stays that way. Happy, that is."

"You've got a lot fighting against you."

John sighed sadly. "I know, Jim. I know. Years of the worst suffering imaginable. It's too late, for me to make it all better, but I can... I can try, right?"

Jim swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. If you want."

"I do."

Jim smiled again. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Jim."

Jim kept drinking the tea. "This is very good."

John chuckled. "I was worried I'd mess it up."

Jim shook his head. "It's perfect."

"I'm glad."

Jim smiled at him. "I still don't get why you're being so nice to me."

"Because I like you, and because I'm a nice person."

Jim nodded. "Yes, you are. So, questions today?"

"If you want. I thought you might like a day to just relax.”

Jim shrugged. "It's not like I work or anything."

John "No, but you've been through a lot, and I've been asking a lot of questions lately."

"It's okay," he assured, still sipping his tea.

John nodded. "Alright. Before you wound up in here, what was the last thing you remembered?"

Jim frowned, brow clenched. "Pain. In my leg. White hot and...and that Holmes guy's face. And...I was laughing."

"Would... would you be willing to let me see where he shot you?" John tried to ignore the idea of Moriarty laughing as he bled. It was too terrifying. 6:53 PM

Jim nodded and lifted his pant leg up to his knee where a gnarled, puckered scar stared back at him.

John looked from the scar, back up to him. "How about that. We match."

Jim frowned. "Sorry?"

John "I was shot, in the war. Mine looks much the same. A little more raised, and the exit wound's pretty ragged, but..."

"Yeah, they...dug mine out. I'm sorry you got shot."

John waved his hand. "S'fine, job hazard, surprised it took ten years. I'm sorry that he hurt you, Jim."

"Apparently it was needed to stop me. Even though I was told that I was getting ready to kill myself.”

John swallowed. "It was entirely unnecessary, but you _were_ holding a gun."

"Would've been better if he let me shoot myself."

"No," John said quietly. "No."

Jim's eyes rose to meet his. "What makes you so sure?"

"It... you... After everything you've been through, Jim, you deserve better than that. So, so much better. It's hard, christ, I can barely imagine how hard it must be for you, but... Well, I never would have met you. I never would have had the chance to make you smile. And I know it would have... you would have been free, you would have had peace, and, fuck, you deserve that... but, I just... I don't know. It makes me sound selfish."

"You're the only person I've met to make me even think about wanting to be here."

"I'm glad I make it better."

Jim nodded. "Only man on the planet."

"What do you mean?"

"No one's ever made it better."

"I never plan to stop trying."

“That...is incredibly kind of you."

John smiled up at him. "I mean it."

Jim nodded. "I know you do."

"And I'm... I'm sorry. That he took your peace from you."

Jim nodded solemnly. "Me too."

John was at a loss for words. "Do... do you still want that?”

"Peace or death?"

"The... the latter."

"If it's the only way out..." He whispered.

John reached out to him, offering his hand.

Jim took it, curious.

John held his hand gently. "It's not. I promise you, it's not the only way out. I'm going to help."

Jim was surprised again. "I...you're sure?"

John nodded. "I'm sure. Whatever it takes, I'll do it."

Jim swallowed. "Why do you care so much?"

"My sister once told me I had too much heart. I like to think I'm just compassionate. But, I told you. I like you. I don't want to suffer any more."

Jim chewed his lip. "I like you too."

John smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Or this'd get really awkward," he chuckled.

John tilted his head. "What would?"

"This taking care of me thing. Be weird if I didn't like you."

John smiled. "Yeah, it would."

Jim scratched the back of his neck. "So...that whole questions thing?"

John let go of his hand and nodded. "Right. ...Want to go outside?"

Jim's eyes grew. "Huh?"

"Do you want to take a book out to the yard?"

"I get to go outside," he whispered.

John nodded. "I cleared you for it yesterday."

Jim swallowed. "Yes. Yeah, I want to go outside, please."

"Alright. Pick a book; I'll, um. Need to put the cuffs on you, though."

"That's fine," he assured, immediately grabbing _The Hobbit_ and offering his hands.

John applied the handcuffs and grabbed his own book, leading him outside.

Jim walked briskly behind him, eager but trying not to show it.

John opened the gate for him and let him walk into the bright sunlight.

Jim took a deep breath in the open air, the allergens attacking his throat and his eyes immediately, but he didn't care.

John smiled at him and watched him pick a place to sit.

Jim rested his back against the hot brick of the building, shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths of the open air.

John sat a little further down, giving him privacy to enjoy the summer air.

Jim took a moment before he opened the book and started to read.

John hummed to himself, smiling as he read about Harry at the horror convention.

Jim sat calmly and quietly, just letting the warmth touch his skin and let his eyes wash over the words. Almost like normal. Like he was sitting in the park somewhere and everything was fine. The handcuffs were a fashion choice, who were people to judge?

John kept an eye on him, enjoying the content smile on Jim's face.

"You know when Sherlock finds out about this he'll have a conniption."

John swallowed. "I'll handle him. His rules are ridiculous."

Jim nodded. "Okay."

"I'm sorry."

Jim licked his lips and frowned. "Why?"

"For him. For everything he's done to you."

Jim shrugged. "It happens, I guess," he whispered.

"It shouldn't," John replied, going back to his book. The happiness he'd found in making James smile was fading, even in the warm air. _What if he comes to visit? What if he ruins all the positive changes I've made? They'll hate me._

Jim smiled gently at him. "It's alright."

“What is?"

"Don't worry about Sherlock so much."

"I'm... trying not to. Once a year, I was told, and he shouldn't be due for too soon. But if he, if he overrules my changes... I'll fight him, every step of the way. You're making progress, and they're helping."

Jim smiled gently, knowing that Sherlock could drop by and get John fired in a second, but he wasn't about to dispel the doctor's passion. "Thank you."

John still couldn't shake the fear. "You're welcome."

Jim went back to his book, knowing convincing him wouldn't work.

John closed his eyes and leaned back. _What if I fail? What if I've made his life worse by trying to make it better? What am I going to do?_

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Even if he gets mad, even if he freaks and takes the privileges away...he can't take the memory I have of being out here."

John opened his eyes, feeling them sting a little. "No, no he can't. He can't take away the memory of any of today."

Jim smiled a little. "That's what matters."

John managed to nod, returning his expression. "Don't worry about me, Jim, just enjoy the light."

"It's nice to shift my focus sometimes," he assured.

"This is something nice, though. Something you haven't gotten to feel in a while."

Jim nodded. "No, I haven't," he grinned.

John chuckled. "Is it nice?"

"Yes, it's perfect. I'm sneezing and my throat's swollen and my eyes itch and it's just perfect," he chuckled. "I can hear birds, for god's sake."

"Sorry about your allergies."

Jim shook his head. "It's fine. It's wonderful."

"I'm glad."

Jim gave him another wide grin, eyes crinkling, and went back to reading.

John was struck again with how handsome Jim was. _Right, reading. Reading, reading, reading. Blah blah, Jason Voorhees tears through the screen at the con, Harry shows up to save the day..._

Jim looked at the books, sighing contentedly. "How long do I get to stay out here?"

John turned to him. "Half an hour, we have about twenty minutes left."

Jim "Better than nothing," he nodded, still reading.

"Half an hour outside, half an hour for a warm shower."

Jim looked up. "Sorry, a what?"

John smiled. "A warm shower, with only me in the room. I sit on the bench and look at the floor, so it's almost like you have the place to yourself. You had one yesterday during your blackout."

Jim covered his lips a minute, just staring at him. "I...Oh my god, thank you.”

"You're welcome. Want to head there next?"

Jim nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes, please."

John smiled. "Perfect." Inwardly, he hoped that Jim wouldn't black out and miss it.

Jim swallowed and went back to reading, excited.

John stretched out on the grass, looking up at the clear sky.

"Beautiful day."

John hummed. "Yes, it is. Thankfully. Though I'm partial to rain."

"Haven't seen rain in a year."

"Maybe we'll get lucky soon."

Jim snorted. "Haven't done that in two," he chuckled.

John blushed deeply and kept his eyes above him. "... Since before I shipped out."

"Ooh, that's rough," Jim chuckled. "God, I'm so sorry."

John covered his face with his hands. "It's fine. I'm one week away from adopting fifty cats and moving to Sussex."

Jim chuckled. "Well I stay tied up at night so I don't even get to..."

John blinked. "Oh, god, I'm sorry! Want me to, um, leave you free tonight?"

Jim sighed. "Please?"

John rolled onto his stomach. "I promise."

"You're a good person," he giggled.

John grinned, chin in his palm. "Nah, I just know your pain." His watch beeped, and he sighed. "Ready for your shower?"

Jim looked around one more time, sighing softly. "Yeah."

John stood up and offered Jim his hand. "I'm sorry... Let me help you up."

Jim took his hand, clasped wrists making it difficult to stand and followed him, taking one last look at the sky before going back into the fluorescent lighting and gray brick walls.

John led him to the shower, picking up a clean uniform and a towel on the way.

Jim was honestly excited, his heart thudding softly.

John opened the door and led Jim in, making sure it was empty. He locked it when he was sure and removed his cuffs, handing him the towel and clothes. "I'll be over there, on that bench, reading. Let me know if you need me, alright?"

Jim nodded and smiled. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

John took his seat and opened his book, keeping the one he brought for Jim beside him.

Jim undressed and stepped into the shower, turning on the water at the temperature he wanted at the pace he wanted. He turned his face into the stream and moaned softly, the warm water soothing his skin and cradling him in warmth.

John swallowed thickly, eyes locked on the words before him. _And they all go into Faerie, passing through the land between, into the theater to find the source of the fetches..._

Jim let his hands touch his body, soaping his skin and breathing deep. God, it'd been so long since he'd felt any flesh, his own included.

John could hear him, hear the wet slide of his hands. _Focus on Harry, focus on the chase, don't prove Moriarty right._

Jim shivered and… wondered if he could get away with it. He had half an hour and he was already clean... He glanced at the back of John's head, turning the water pressure a little higher for noise. He slowly, gingerly wrapped a hand around himself and started to stroke, absolutely silent.

John heard the water grow louder, glad Jim was enjoying his shower. He turned the page.

Jim leaned against the wall, biting his fist with a gasp. His breath wavered just a little, soapy hand still working against himself.

John heard a small noise and raised his eyes just slightly, seeing Jim resting against the tile, head hunched, one hand in his mouth. _Oh you have got to be kidding me._ The doctor was no stranger to that pose, watching his arm move. Most of him was blocked, but... _Down. LOOK. DOWN. NOW._ Furiously red, trousers uncomfortably tight, John forced his head down and stared blankly at his book.

Jim was desperate and this was pathetic. ‘Sixteen year old that got a woody at school’ pathetic. But he couldn't help it. God, he hadn't touched himself in over a year and this was long overdue. He bit back another moan, his head falling back.

John was sure he wasn't moving, wasn't breathing. _Oh, I'm going to the special hell tonight._

Jim stroked faster, thumbing over his head with a whimper. He shut his lips, tight, cursing himself and stilling, trying not to look conspicuous for a moment. He let out a sigh and slowly kept stroking when he thought it was safe.

John stole another glance, catching the ecstatic expression on Jim's face before he snapped his jaw shut. Years of time in the desert, accompanying units on stealth missions, had taught him to keep silent. _No one can know. Fuck, no one can ever know. Definitely not Jim. Any of him, but especially Moriarty._

Jim was too lost in himself and kept stroking, pumping wildly and close already. His knees trembling as he did so. He gasped softly again, biting his fist when he came over his fist. "Mmn!"

John closed his book and covered his face, trying to keep his breathing calm. His body felt as though it were on fire, and a rather painful erection strained against his trousers. _Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god._

Jim shivered again, losing himself in the water again before he shut it off and started to dry himself.

John tried to think about anything other than Jim's lithe body and the barely-audible noises he made. _Think about anything else, literally anything else. It can never happen, John, don't be a pervert._ Still, he knew that the man would be in his dreams that night, his face seared into John's memory.

Jim dressed himself, still a little ashamed. He raked his fingers through his hair and stepped out, smiling lightly at John.

John took a deep breath when he heard Jim's footsteps. He lowered his hands and opened his book, slightly more recollected when he emerged. "Done?"

Jim noticed his dishevelment but said nothing. "Yes, thank you so much."

John handed him his book. "Ready to head back?" He was doing absolutely everything to keep from standing.

Jim nodded, holding his wrists out to him after he took the book.

John fumbled with the handcuffs a minute, finally getting them clasped. "Alright, let's head back to your room." He was thankful for the thickness of his book as he walked, holding it naturally (and protectively) in front of his groin. _Okay. Okay, it's fading. Good. Good._

Jim walked with him, trying not to think about just what John was hiding with that book but kept walking with him to his room, sitting on his bed and offering him his wrists again.

John undid the cuffs and walked toward the door. "Are you hungry? I can have Sarah bring your lunch."

Jim nodded. "Yes, please."

John opened the door and stepped out, finding the nurse at her post. _He knows. He knows you heard. Oh, jesus, John, he's going to hate you._ "Sarah, would you be willing to bring me Jim's lunch?"

Jim chewed his lip, looking up at him. "Sorry."

John blinked. "For what?"

"The lack of self control?" He mumbled.

John turned red. "Oh, christ. No, no, Jim, it's fine. Really, it's, it's okay." He cleared his throat and looked down. "Gave you as much privacy as I was able to.

"I know! I know you did and I definitely took advantage of that and for that I'm sorry."

John wanted to melt into the floor. "It's fine, Jim. It's, it's all fine. Really." _What's not fine is how hot it was, jesus christ._

Jim was red to his neck. "If you say so."

John took the tray when Sarah brought it, offering no explanation for the atmosphere for the room. When she left, he handed the food to Jim and sat down in his own chair, eyes down. _Christ, if I look at him..._

"Is it going to be really awkward all the time, now?"

John forced himself to raise his eyes, praying to whatever might be listening that Jim couldn't see what he was thinking. _Oh, god, the look on his face, pure ecstasy..._ "No, Jim. It's not going to be awkward. I promise. And I'm still going to leave you free tonight."

"Thanks," he mumbled, starting to eat.

"And every night, as long as you don't have one of your bad days when I get here."

"Really?" He frowned, surprised.

John nodded. "Yes. I don't think you're dangerous, so the straps aren't needed."

Jim smiled a little. "Thank you."

John returned the expression and bent over his paperwork, making notes.

Jim kept eating, his embarrassment slowly ebbing away.

John licked his lips. _Not dangerous, not to be restrained at night. Stop medication._

"Sherlock's gonna have a fit," he whispered.

John "About what?"

"What you just wrote down."

"I'm your doctor, not him. ...If you're worried, though, I can erase it."

"Then if he finds out he'll kill someone. It's okay."

John frowned. "I'm really... I'm not trying to ruin your life."

Jim smiled. "I know."

John returned the expression. "I'll... I'll leave it. I just... I don't want him to hurt you."

Jim shrugged. "He's gonna hurt me no matter what," he chuckled.

"That's not fair."

"Nope," Jim replied, still smiling. "But that's alright."

John sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wish I could get you out of here."

"That's sweet of you," Jim said softly.

"Any doctor worth his degree should be able to see that."

Jim smiled. "I doubt you'd be able to get paid off."

"What?"

Jim chewed his lip, dropping his gaze and his smile instantly.

John leaned forward. "Jim? What do you mean?"

"I mean that some of my other doctors got paid to be quiet.”

John blinked. "That bastard. No, christ, I wouldn't take his money, not over your safety."

Jim smiled at his hands. "I know. Thank you."

"...How? How can he... Jim, I'm so sorry. So sorry, for all the shit he's put you through. For all he's gotten away with."

Jim shook his head. "He just can. You're too good a man to do something like that. And don't worry about Sherlock. I can handle him. I've had worse."

"Jim," John said sadly. "That doesn't make it right. I'll do whatever I can to protect you. It might cost me my job, but I will."

Jim looked up, worried. "No. No, you can't get fired. No."

"But if he lays a hand on you, if he scares you, if he tries to break you... I can't just _let_ him."

"If you go it goes dark again," he snapped, eyes hard. "If you go...then all I have left is Hell."

John felt his heart clench. "... Alright. Alright, I'll... behave. You won't lose me.”

Jim let out a shaky, relieved sigh and rested back against the wall.

"I'm sorry."

"For what, dear?"

"Everything. Sherlock, making you uncomfortable, being here..."

Jim wilted, looking at him with a hint of innocence seen in his counterparts. "You're...sorry for being here? For helping me?"

John shook his head. "No, no, I'm sorry you're here. I am not sorry for helping you, I enjoy you."

"Oh," he nodded, looking at his hands. "I'm glad."

"I mean it. There's nowhere I'd rather be. And I'm not leaving."

Jim chuckled lightly. "There's gotta be somewhere else you wanna be. No way that you want to be in an institution talking to me."

"I don't know. Maybe somewhere snowy, in a nice cabin. The company's better here, though."

Jim laughed softly, ducking his head. "Can't be that good."

"I'm being honest. Sometimes it's a little intense, but mostly, it's nice, being able to talk to you, learn about you, make you smile."

"Now I think you're just lying," he smiled.

John returned the expression. "I won't lie to you."

"That's kind of you."

"How are you feeling?"

"A little sad now."

John frowned. "Why?"

"Because you need more friends."

John snorted. "I've got four, that's plenty."

"I've...got one."

John blushed. "Is it me?"

Jim nodded, eyes down.

John smiled. "It's alright. I'm honored."

"You're honored to a be a psychopath's only friend?"

"To be YOUR friend," the doctor corrected. "You aren't a psychopath." _And you're all four of mine._

"What am I, then?"

"You're a man who's been through hell."

Jim smiled softly. "That's a way to put it."

"Enduring what you have, it makes sense that your mind would find an alternative way to cope. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not terrible. You're not a psychopath." _Moriarty might be, though._

"If you say so," he sighed, setting his empty tray aside. "Um...can I ask for something? You can say no."

"Sure. What is it?"

"I...I knit. Calms me down, um...they make plastic needles and everything and I can tell you how to get the money from me, I won't ask you to pay for it. But...it helps."

John nodded. "Just tell me where to buy the plastic needles, and tell me color yarn you want. I won't take your money."

"I can't ask you to pay for my hobby when you've done this much already.”

John smiled gently. "I don't mind, honestly."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. If it'll make you happy, I don't mind at all."

"Uh, blue yarn, please. The softer stuff. I knit what people can wear," he muttered.

John tore off a bit of his chart, just a small corner, and made a note. _Plastic. Soft blue._ He tucked it into his ID holder. "There. I won't forget."

Jim gave him a warm smile, eyes wet.

"Are you alright, Jim?"

"Just can't believe how nice you are.”

"Well, I care."

"Which is a miracle.”

John smiled. "Not really."

"It is to me."

John blushed. "I'm not a miracle."

Jim nodded, smiling gently at him.

John knew that his time for the day was running out. "Thank you," he said, flush deepening.

Jim nodded his welcome. "You...you have to leave soon, don't you?"

"Yeah. I have about forty-five minutes."

Jim chewed his lip, visibly wilted.

"But I'll be back tomorrow. Bright and early, as always."

Jim nodded. "Yeah. If I see you, then."

John swallowed. "Oh, right. Well, how would you like to spend the rest of our time?"

Jim shrugged. "I dunno."

John "You can keep reading, if you like. Or, if you're looking for a change, you could ask _me_ questions."

"I can?"

John nodded. "Yes. Anything at all."

"Um...How's your sister?"

John shrugged. "I have no idea. I haven't spoken to her since the split- how'd you know?"

"Know what? That they split? I didn't want to say that and freak you out."

John shook his head. "You wouldn't. I enjoy that you can do that, just... know."

Jim shrugged. "She gave you your phone, didn't she?"

John nodded. "Yeah, yeah she did. Christmas gift, when her wife left."

"Mm, regifted a divorce phone. How shitty."

John chuckled. "Better than I could afford on my own, at least it doesn't flip."

Jim smiled. "My phone flipped, if that tells you how long I've been in here."

John flushed deeply. "Oh, god. You said, outside- but..."

Jim "What?" He frowned, cocking his head.

John swallowed. "Flips went the way of the dinosaurs about six years ago."

Jim paled. "What?"

John nodded and pulled his own out, passing it to Jim. "You can still buy them, as low-end models. Much cheaper than smartphones or phones styled after PDAs. But, mass usage dropped when Apple's smartphones dominated the market. There's no way you've been in here that long."

"What year is it?" he whispered, taking the phone but not looking at it.

"Two thousand and thirteen," the doctor replied.

Jim swallowed and stared at his hands, which were clasped around the phone and shaking. "Please. Please, tell me you're lying."

John blinked. "Is, is it a problem? I'm not lying, Jim."

Jim ran a hand over his face. "I've been here for three years?" He whimpered.

John nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you have. I'm so sorry."

Jim buried his face in his hands, breath shuddering.

"Jim," John whispered. "Are you alright? I, I thought you knew, I'm so sorry."

Jim shook his head. "One. I thought it was one."

"You said your longest blackout lasted a month, and it only happened once."

"I black out all the time!" He yelled. "I...fuck, please, no... How? How did I black out that much? How did I lose that many days?!"

John bit his lip. "I don't know, I've only been here a few days." _There are five of you, and all want their time in control._

"R-Rhetorical," he whispered, shuddering.

John knew he only had about fifteen minutes left. He didn't know what to do, how to console Jim.

Jim sniffed and shivered. "Christ, I'm thirty six."

John stood up and moved to sit beside him. "Only a year younger than me. I'm sorry, I really am, Jim. Is there... is there anything I can do?"

"Give me two years back?" He trembled, tears slipping silently down his cheeks. "God, what am I?!" He screamed at the floor, head down again, hands tugging at his hair.

John winced. He decided to take a risk and put his hand on Jim's shoulder. "You're a man, Jim. You just lose time sometimes."

"I lost two years of my life and I didn't even know..." He took another deep breath breath, shaking his head, grateful for his touch. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, you probably just wanna go home."

"You're more important than thirty year old reruns of Doctor Who and cold leftovers. It's fine. I can stay, if you need me."

"I don't know how...to handle this."

John swallowed. _If I could just tell him... but it could break him beyond repair._ "Neither do I. But I still be here for you."

Jim sniffed, taking a slow breath. No more being scared. "John?"

"Yes, Jim?"

"Have you ever seen _Sybil_?"

John shook his head. "No."

Jim "It's a movie about a woman with multiple personalities. She blacks out all the time, had some shitty stuff happen to her when she was a child..." He looked up at him, eyes wet. "I've been thinking about it for a long time, and... Do I have that? Is that what's wrong with me? Do I become someone completely different?"

John made a promise. A promise not to lie. "Yes," he answered, hand still on his shoulder. "You do."

Jim felt the wind leave his lungs, hands trembling. "Oh god."

John swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

"How many?"

John couldn't give Richard up, not when he knew Moriarty was listening. "Three others."

"Three? Fuck," he whimpered, shuddering.

"Two are you, but younger. One is sixteen, one is five."

"Five? I..." He looked at the rabbit. "The toy. Christ, it's for the...Oh my god!" He sobbed, face in his hands again.

"He named him Hamish," John said quietly, gently rubbing his back. "After me. He's a sweetheart. We colored today, and I brought him a book of fairy tales." He leaned down and picked it up, setting it beside him.

Jim sobbed aloud. "And...the others?”

"Jimmy, he's... scared. The wounds are fresh. He had the shower yesterday, poor guy, he was so happy just to have warm water. He's skittish, and afraid, but I've been trying to help him, to let him know he's safe here. ...And then there's the other one, the one who got you put in here. Moriarty. Sharp tongue, he uses it like a lash. Brute force and a powerful mind, he's... dangerous. And deadly. And violent. And he's the reason why I, specifically was called about taking care of you. With my military training, I can handle him. I can't handle that tongue, though. He's an expert at getting beneath the skin of his marks, making them question everything."

Jim shook his head. "Wounds?" He swallowed. "So I, I have two children and a monster in me. He's who hurt you that day I blacked out. He did."

John nodded. "Yes. He shoved me back in the chair."

"You need to strap me down."

"I... now? Or in general?”

"At night," he trembled, knowing what he was giving up. "I can't hurt you. I can't."

John smiled gently. "I'll be fine. He seems more interested in hurting me psychologically, which restraining you won't help. I'll be okay, Jim. Promise."

Jim shook his head. "No," he sniffed. "Please, just...just do it. I don't care if I can't move- FUCK!" He shouted, hiding his face and sobbing again. "I should've just fucking shot myself!"

"No, god, Jim! No, you shouldn't have. Please, don't talk like that... Would... could I..."

"What?" He shuddered, licking his lips, gasping.

"Would it be alright if I held you?"

"You...want to?"

John nodded. "Yes. Very much so."

Jim nodded back. "Yes, please. Please," he sobbed.

John didn't hesitate. He wrapped his arms around the man and pulled him close, placing Jim's head against the crook of his neck. "You're okay. It's going to be okay, Jim."

Jim hugged him back and cried into his neck, shuddering. "Thank you. God, thank you, oh god, I'm a monster," he whimpered. "I'm...How do you fix that, how does that get better?"

"You're not a monster, Jim. You're just a little split right now. All the extreme aspects of your life, your personality, branched and amplified. It's going to be okay. I'll find a way, I'll do whatever it takes."

Jim sobbed softly in his neck, shivering. "I...I don't deserve this help from you."

John squeezed him gently. "Yes, you do. Someone should have been doing it sooner. Treatments for this are _extremely_ experimental, so it's going to be pretty touch and go, but I'm not going to give up."

"I'm never gonna leave..." He whispered. "Never. Never, they won't let me. No wonder Sherlock wouldn't kill me..."

"You had an empire. Couldn't you escape?"

"I didn't. Apparently that, that Moriarty did," he breathed. "God, I had different lives. Jesus..."

John swallowed. "What if... when he comes back... I talk to him, about the possibility? If it could be arranged, and I could, could heal you..."

Jim shook his head. "I belong here. And I don't want to drag you into my mess any more than you already are."

"I... but you can't stay here, Jim- it's possible it's making you worse."

Jim shook his head again. "I'll hurt people."

"Not if I come with you, keep helping you."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"But I would, of my own free will."

Jim shook his head, sobbing. "I can't make you do that. I already fucked up my life, I don't need to do that to yours."

John shushed him. "In case you haven't noticed, you _are_ my life."

Jim blinked. "Huh?"

"I wake up, I spend the day with you, I go home, I eat, I sleep. You can't ruin my life, Jim. You _are_ my life."

"I...I can't. I can't."

"...Alright. But the alternative is here.” John continued to hold him, rubbing small patterns on his back. "I wish you didn't have to stay here."

"I wish I didn't either but places like this were built for people like me."

"There are no people like you. There's just you, Jim, and you don't deserve this. God, you don't deserve to be locked up."

"I hurt people and I didn't even know I did it," he trembled.

John shook his head. "it wasn't you."

"My hands. My voice, my body..."

"I could... I could try hypnotherapy. It's widely regarded as bullshit, but with a case like yours... God, I'd hate for you to meet him, though."

"I don't want to," he whimpered. "I don't want to meet them, I want them to GO AWAY!"

"I know, but confronting them might resolve the pain that created them."

Jim shook his head again. "I'm too scared."

"Alright. We won't do that, then."

Jim sniffed. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Jim."

"It's not," he trembled. "I-I just want to be normal for a change. Just for a minute..."

"This is pretty normal, Jim. Seeking comfort in a friend."

Jim sniffed. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"You're going to be okay. I'm going to get you through this."

"I-I hope you can," he shivered.

"I'll do whatever it takes. You're not going to have to do this alone."

"I don't?"

John shook his head. "I'll be here every step of the way."

"Thank you," Jim whimpered, crying. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome Jim." John pulled him closer. "Just let me know what you need.”

"I...I need a friend," he trembled. "Very badly."

John smiled. "If I count, you have me."

Jim nodded eagerly. "Yes. Yes, you count," he shivered.

"You've got a friend, then. Anything you want to be off the record, it will be. Not that I've really been keeping one..."

Jim nuzzled into his neck, hugging him tight. "Thank you so much."

John hugged him back, letting his eyes fall closed. "You're so welcome, Jim."

Jim continued to cry for awhile. "You...you can go. You don't have to stay with me."

"I don't mind, Jim. You need someone to be here for you, and so I will be."

Jim sniffed. "Thank you very much.”

"You keep thanking me... I mean it, it's alright."

Jim nodded. "I know, b-but...I don't know, I feel like it's too much."

"Hey." He leaned back a bit and smiled at Jim. "It's not too much. I promise. If you need me too, I can bring in another bed for me and stay in here tonight. Or just outside the door. Hell, I'd sleep on the floor, if it'd help you."

"You'd stay with me?" He whispered.

"Yes. I would, and will. Ruins your privacy, though," he said with a chuckle.

I can live with that," Jim replied with a nod.

"So. Extra bed, or floor?"

Wh-whatever you want to do. You're the doctor."

John fixed Jim's hair with gentle hands. "I'm going to go get a bed then. Will you be alright? I won't be more than ten minutes."

Jim nodded. "Yeah, that's wonderful. Thank you."

John let him go. "I'll be right back." He left and headed toward the nearest storage room.

Jim nodded, feeling empty and admittedly lost without him. He wrapped his arms around himself with a shudder.

John returned with a few minutes to spare, the halls sparse as the shifts changed. He wheeled the bed in, a unit identical to Jim's, and set it up about ten feet away from his.

Jim smiled softly at him, twiddling his thumbs, shy.

John finished and spread a blanket over it. "How are you holding up?"

"Good," he nodded. "Well...I'm better."

John smiled back at him and hung his lab coat on the door. "That's a good place to start."

Jim nodded. "I think so."

"Tired?"

"Yeah. You?"

John nodded. "Very. Want to get some sleep? You can test out the light I brought."

Jim blushed and nodded back. "Sure. thank you."

John turned it on and turned off the overhead lights. It was bright enough so for Jim to see, but dim enough so John could sleep. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to wake me. Alright?"

Jim lied down, wrapping the sweater around him. "I will. Promise."

John covered Jim with his own blanket and moved to his bed, shedding his jumper and hanging it over the frame. In his undershirt and trousers, he laid on his back. "Goodnight, Jim."

Jim blushed and nestled into the covers. "'Night, Dr. Watson."

John closed his eyes, falling into a rather deep and peaceful sleep. Despite his best intentions, every now and again the image of Jim in the shower slipping into the fore of his mind.

Jim fell asleep quickly, the light bringing him peace. For a while.

John stirred slightly, every now and then, shifting beneath the thin blanket.

Moriarty worked silently and quickly, getting John's trousers off and strapping him down without disturbing him. He got the blanket off of him and removed his own shirt before straddling him. "Johnny. Johnny...wake up."

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex is taken, sex is given, and bonds are formed despite all odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're breaking up this chapter so that we can get it posted faster. 
> 
> Also, the bit with James was too fucking cute to wait on posting.
> 
> Warning: HEAVY dubcon ahead. To skip it, scroll to where Moriarty ends and Richard begins.

John groaned and blinked himself awake, panicking when he felt the weight on his hips. "Oh, god-" He tried to push Moriarty off, but he was tied down. "No, no, you need to get up, Mr. Moriarty." His heart was thundering in his ears.

Moriarty chuckled and shook his head. "Mmmno."

John let out a slow, steady breath. "Why not?"

"I'm proving a point." He shoved his lips against the doctor’s, kissing him hard.

John tried to resist. _No. They'll never forgive me. Don't do it, John._ It was too hard, though- Moriarty's mouth was warm, his attitude sure, and if they'd been free men John would have been tripping over himself for Jim's affections. This wasn't Jim, though, it was an usurper, taking his body and using it for his own means. That didn't change the fact that John wanted him, though. After a few moments of struggling, John kissed him back.

Moriarty laughed against his lips, shivering. "Mm," he broke away, biting at his lips. "You do want us, don't you?"

John blushed furiously. "I... It depends."

"On who’s talking, right? Like me. Or the host. But not the baby. Not the one that cries, no...that's wrong..."

"Very wrong. And not my area, at all. Never, never children."

Moriarty bit and sucked at his throat. "Well the babies aren't here," he snarled against his ear. "I am."

John let out a breathless moan. "I... Yes, god, yes you are." He knew he should hate it, he should fight back, but Moriarty... Moriarty was dangerous. And violent. And that made John want to stay right where he was, pinned beneath the killer, the man's lips on his throat.

Moriarty grinned. "Did I mention you've got yourself a pretty cock?" He snarled, biting his earlobe.

John whimpered, feeling the muscle twitch. "Do I?"

Moriarty chuckled and nodded. "So big. It's a shame you haven't had an orifice to put it in since you got back from the war, eh? But soldiers will do what they're ordered to, huh? Like choking down your dick?" He purred, rocking against him a little. "Come now, tell Daddy the truth."

John managed to find his voice, Moriarty's sending heat down his spine. "Y-yes."

Moriarty chuckled. "How sweet. You like cock more than you let on. More than you'll ever tell," he whispered, working his hand inside his shirt to play with him. "How's it feel? Being _naked_ from the waist down under me?"

"It feels good, entirely too good. Oh, god..."

"How nasty and naughty are you?"  Moriarty snarled. "Giving in so easy, wanting me so badly you're hard and twitching already..." He cooed, slipping fingers back down to gently toy with his dick.

John moaned at the slight touch. "N-naughty? You're the one who s-strapped me down and stripped me."

Moriarty chuckled. "You kissed me back," he growled. "You're hard, you moaned and you're gonna let me fuck you."

John felt a stab of fear in his gut, which only made him harder. "Is that what this is about? You getting to be first to claim me?"

Moriarty nodded. "I'm proving a point."

"And what point is that?"

"You remember what I said to you the first day we met?" He hissed, consonants clicking in his teeth.

"You... You told me I wanted to fuck you..."

"Was I wrong?" He grinned.

"I... No," the doctor whispered.

Moriarty grinned, eyes on fire in the dim light, massaging his thighs. "So creamy and soft," he growled. "Did you know the host thinks he's hideous? I don't," he licked his teeth. "I know how fucking good I look. And you do too, don't you?"

John nodded. "Absolutely gorgeous. I wish he could see it." The thoughts of Jim in the shower came back to him, and he moaned again.

“Did you like listening to him fuck himself? Huh? Did you like knowing that he came over those tiles, that he had his hand wrapped around his cock and stroked himself, covered in soap and water..."

"Yes," he whispered. "It was all I could think about for hours. I was right there... I didn't do anything, though. I behaved."

Moriarty grinned, feeling him harden further. "You're not behaving now."

"I-I'm not doing anything."

Moriarty snorted. "You didn't fight. And the more I talk the harder your cock gets."

John "That's... no, I can't control that. I, I shouldn't have kissed back, oh, god..." _But I want you. God help me, I want you so bad..._

Moriarty licked his lips. "Ohoh, baby, you little liar. Liar, liar, liar..." He cooed. "You want me so bad that if I moved away you'd beg me until you turned blue."

John whimpered. "Y-yes. Christ, I want you. You're, you're dangerous, and sexy, and I don't want you to stop. But it’s _wrong._ "

"So very naughty..." Moriarty cooed, glancing down at his dick and licking his lips. He slowly edged down, carefully taking his head into his mouth with a low moan.

"I am," John whispered, watching him with wide eyes. _Richard, please don't hate me. And don't let James see this. Please, please... I can't help it, Moriarty's just... persuasive. God, he is. I can't say no to him._ As his warm lips enveloped John, the doctor let out a shuddering moan. His body stretched and curved as he pulled against the restraints.

Moriarty smirked around his cock and swatted his hip to quiet him and continued down, swallowing him until his nose was buried in the soft blond curls at his base. "Mmn..." He moaned around him.

John bit his lip to keep quiet, eyes blown wide with lust as Moriarty swallowed every inch of him. He whimpered and sucked in a sharp breath, already desperate for more.

Moriarty giggled. "So fucked up," he hissed, lips wet. "How I don't gag because little Jimmy was taught so well..." He swallowed him again, fondling his balls in soft fingers.

It was like a slap in the face, the reminder of what broke Jim- the repeated sexual assault. "S-stop," he whispered. "You, you have to stop. I want you, god, I do, but I can't have you. Because, because of what they did to him. I can't. I just can't."

Moriarty chuckled and kept going, bobbing his head. He pulled off and sucked a finger into his mouth and teased his hole with it. "I think you can..." He snarled.

John closed his eyes, trying to pretend he wasn't still eager, trying to pretend he didn't want Moriarty buried inside of him. "N-no, Mr. Moriarty, I c-can't, not after saying something like that. It isn't right..."

"I'm not giving you a choice," he stated, working the finger inside him and sucking his cock mercilessly.

John gasped, his body clinging to Moriarty's slender digit as the man's mouth slipped along his length. "O-ohn! Oh, god, that's... mmf..."

Moriarty chuckled. "There's a good boy," he snarled. "Such a good boy."

"Ohmygod," John breathed, the offhanded comments going straight to his already-aching prick.

Moriarty smiled and added another finger, working him with his mouth and his hand.

John hissed- he was tight, god, he'd never done this before. Still, after the initial discomfort, his body craved more.

"You like that, don't you?" He purred, lapping at his head.

"L-like what?"

 _"This."_ Moriarty twisted his fingers inside of him, eyes glinting and wicked.

"A-ah! Yes!"

Moriarty chuckled. "All that talk about stopping...as if I'd let you make that mistake." He scissored inside of him, spreading him open. He glanced down with a smirk. "So pink and pretty..."

John shuddered. "G-gonna show me what I've been missing, then?"

Moriarty nodded. "Yes, I am," he snarled, crooking against his prostate again.

John moaned loudly and twisted in his restraints, vision going white as pleasure flooded his senses.

Moriarty slapped his hip. "Sssshhhhhh...." He hissed, a flicker of inhuman blackness covering his features. "I won't be having orderlies ruin my fun because of your big fucking mouth."

John bit his lip again. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry..._

Moriarty added a third. "Good boy..."

John stifled his moans, lashes fluttering as Moriarty called him that again. _Oh, joy, discovering a lot about myself today, aren't I?_

"Now-" he withdrew his fingers and scooted up so he was straddling his chest. He grabbed a fistful of his hair, adjusting the uniform so his cock was in his face. "Open up."

John did as he was told, whining quietly as Moriarty grasped his hair.

Moriarty edged his cock past his lips, grinning. "How much you want it to hurt depends on how good or bad your mouth is."

John rolled his tongue against the head of his cock, swallowing around him and slowly bobbing his head.

Moriarty kept a grip in his hair. "Ooh, someone returned the favor to the cute privates, huh?" He chuckled. "Maybe a corporal too..."

John blinked up at him, eyes focusing through his sandy lashes as he continued to work his tongue. G-E-T-S-L-O-N-E-L-Y. H-E-L-P-E-D-E-A-C-H-O-T-H-E-R-O-U-T.

Moriarty snarled, tugging his head back and staring down at him. "Isn't that a trick..." He grinned, wicked and dark. "Learn that licking pussy? Huh?"

John nodded.

Moriarty chuckled and shoved his cock back down his throat, fucking his mouth with a hard hand in his hair.

John grunted, gagging on his prick as he forced it on the doctor. He took breaths where he could.

Moriarty pulled off with a snarl. "I'd say I'm sorry, but you liked that, didn't you?" He grinned.

John licked his swollen lips and nodded meekly.

Moriarty chuckled. "Think I'm wet enough for you?"

"Y-yes..."

Moriarty grinned and moved back down to his hole and shoved his way inside him.

John bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, the sudden pressure more than he'd expected. A whimper slipped from his throat as his back curved off the bed.

Moriarty chuckled and pressed deeper. "Good boy. Such a good, sweet boy..." He snarled, licking the blood from his lips.

John trembled beneath him, somehow both disgusted and aroused by the way he lapped the blood from the doctor's injured lip. His words gripped John by the heart, sending little jolts down his spine. _I shouldn't enjoy that, but fuck... I do. God, I do._ The straps kept him from being able to move properly; which seemed to be fine with Moriarty, who was content to fuck into him regardless.

Moriarty grinned and kept rocking. "Mmn...Not gonna let a pretty butterfly get away. You stay pinned." He growled as he started to move.

John hissed as Moriarty filled him, stretching his body to its limits. "O-ohn," he breathed, unable to look away from that wicked grin.

"Ooh, like that? Huh? Like the psycho fucking you?"

John blinked, forcing the part of his brain begging for more aside. "No. No, I, mmf... N-no..."

Moriarty cocked his head. "No?" He gripped his dick, hard. "You're telling me otherwise here."

"A-ah!" It hurt, fuck, it hurt. "Don't... can't. I can't like it."

Moriarty cackled and let go, riding him harder. "Yes you can."

John moaned as the man bucked forward, and christ, he loved it. He actually enjoyed it. Even with the pain, even with the fear, even with the danger, he didn't want Moriarty to stop. Saying no was almost a game now; he just wanted to hear him say how well he was going to fuck him, how he didn't want him to let him go. "Mr. Moriarty," he whined, stomach muscles tensing as he slammed into him. "I... M-more, please, more..."

Moriarty groaned. "Good boy, Johnny," he snarled, leaning over him and kissing him again, making the bed creak and groan with his force.

John kissed him back, almost desperately, moaning against his mouth. _Harder. I want you harder._

Moriarty grinned, feeling his need, and fucked into him harder and deeper, snarling and growling out his pleasure.

John gasped, body trembling. "F-fuck... I... mmf, god, yes..."

Moriarty angled his hips, covering his mouth to stifle his screams when he struck his prostate.

John 's noises were muffled by Moriarty's palm as his eyes rolled back in his head. "Mmf!" _Why? Why is this so god damned good?_

Moriarty grinned and kept moving angrily, wrapping his hand around his cock and pumping.

John jerked and writhed beneath his body, quickly coming closer to the edge.

"You're gonna come, aren't you?" He hissed.

John nodded weakly, breath hitching in his chest.

Moriarty bit his throat, riding into him hard. "Come, Johnny. I dare you."

John tried to hold back; he didn't want to give Moriarty the satisfaction ( _Yes, you do_ ). He couldn't, though, it was impossible. It felt too good, and the man knew what he was doing. As John took him again and again, his body started to twitch. After a few more minutes of brutal thrusts (and one well-placed squeeze of his head), the doctor spilled over his fist with a ragged whine.

M"Good boy..." Moriarty hissed, fucking deeper just to watch him writhe, taking his time before coming deep inside of him with a low moan.

John watched him with wild eyes as he thrusted into the doctor's oversensitive body. When he finally released, John could feel his cock pulse, could feel the heat of his release. He managed a whimper, muscles still twitching all along his body.

Moriarty chuckled and pulled out of him, biting at his lips and pulling his pants up. "I told you."

John nodded, feeling much colder without the heat of his body. "Y-yes."

Moriarty thumbed his chin, eyes dark and glinting. "Wanna see a trick?"

John swallowed. _Knowing you, probably not._ He was terrified again, and shook his head in response.

"Aw, you don't?" He cooed, licking his teeth.

John hated how sexy that simple motion was. _No._ "D-depends on the trick," he whispered.

Moriarty cocked his head. "Well this one's very neat."

John loosed a shaking breath. _He's going to switch, isn't he?_ "A-alright."

Moriarty chuckled. "One...two...three..." Jimmy shook his head and blinked, looking down at John, confused. "Dr. Watson?"

John's eyes widened. "Oh, god... Jimmy, don't look. I need you to cover me up. I can't, I can't move."

Jimmy glanced down gasped, falling off of him onto the floor and whimpering. "NO! No, no, no! You said-"

John jerked against the straps, tears falling down his cheeks. "I didn't, I didn't touch you, I swear... god, I didn't, I didn't ask for this, I didn't..." _But you enjoyed it. That's your great sin, you enjoyed him having his way with you. And now they all hate you._

_\-----_

Richard hissed, knees aching from the fall and got up, covering John's waist and shushing him. "It's okay, it's alright, he's fine," he assured, undoing the cuffs on his wrists and his ankles. "It's alright, Dr. Watson."

John curled up on his side, sobbing. "I ruined everything, it's all my fault, I just didn't want him to be alone..."

"Hey, hey, hey, come here. Come here, John, shh..." He lifted him in his arms. "It's alright, I promise. I promise, he won't remember a thing. Shh..."

John closed his eyes, shrinking smaller in his arms. "I was helping, I was helping, and then... I just... I was asleep, and I woke up strapped down, and he'd stripped me... I should have tried harder, I should have dislocated my arm pulling, I should have fought, I knew it wouldn't be okay, I saw it coming, he can just switch at will... and now Jimmy'll hate me, you'll all hate me, because I let him..."

"Shh...I know. You're human, John. You're human and it's okay. I do not hate you. Jimmy will not remember that, I've made sure of it. I don't hate you. I could never hate you, please know that."

John's body shook with his sobs. "I... You should. You should hate me. I had one job, one fucking job, and I couldn't even do that. Simplest fucking thing in the world. Jim tried, tried to w-warn me, and I didn't listen."

"Shh..." Richard smoothed his hair and his back, kissing his nose and his forehead. "It's okay. It's alright, I promise. Please, please don't do this to yourself, John. He wants you just as much as we-" He broke off, clearing his throat. "He's a monster and doesn't know the meaning of tenderness."

John sniffed, the soft touch of his lips calming him. "It wasn't... I liked it," he whispered. "That's why it's, that's why I feel so terrible... I just wish he'd, he'd take it out on me, not you. Any of you."

Richard nodded. "I know you did, and that's alright too," he assured. "Take what out on you?"

"He, he pulled Jimmy out, didn't he? Just to hurt him."

"And you," he nodded. "But it's okay. It's okay, he won't remember. I promise."

John nodded and pressed his face into the man's chest. "How many of you were awake for it?" His voice was barely audible.

"Just him and me," the actor promised.

John sighed in relief. "Okay. Okay."

"See? It's okay."

John nodded weakly.

Richard handed John his pants from the floor and stood, facing away to give him privacy.

John started to get dressed, fresh tears falling as he wiped his stomach off. _Disgusting. You're sick, John._

Richard turned back around, cupping his chin. "Don't do that, love."

John swallowed and looked up at him. "Do what?"

Richard thumbed his tears away. "Talk to yourself like that. Please."

"I... I'm trying. This, this goes beyond betraying you, all of you... As if that weren't enough... My father was right. I'm trying to, to focus, to be an adult, but I just want to collapse into a ball and hide for a while."

"Shh, no. It's okay. It's okay, John." He sat back down. "Your father was right about nothing. Absolutely nothing, understand? You didn't betray us, your body did. And if..." He trailed off, looking away.

"If what?"

Richard cleared his throat. "If it had been...been Jim or I, we, well..."

John tilted his head to the side. "You what?"

"I know I like you," he whispered. "Jim does too."

"You do?" The doctor blinked.

Richard chewed his lip and nodded.

"I like you too. Both of you."

"Really?"

John nodded shyly. "Yeah. Very much."

Richard sighed. "That's a relief."

"It is?"

Richard nodded. "Thought it might be one-sided.”

John "No, god, no. That's why it's... that's another reason I feel so terrible. Because of how much I care about you."

"Well, that whole dangerous thing can be pretty alluring, I guess."

John groaned and hid his face. "Another nail in the coffin. Christ, even if I'd fought harder, he wouldn't have stopped. And I know that. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry that knowing my life could end at any minute is sometimes a turn on. Part of why I was an active captain. I can't make it better, I can't make it un-happen."

"If you would've fought harder he would've hurt you," he whispered, stroking his cheek. "And it's. Oh. Kay. John, I promise."

John leaned into his touch without hesitation. "I know. I know he would have. That doesn't excuse my actions though."

"Why are you punishing yourself if the only one hurt was you?"

"Because I feel filthy."

Richard took his hand away, frowning. "I share a body with him, you know," he whispered.

John shook his head. "I know you do. A..." he looked down, embarrassed. "A beautiful one. And though I never... I didn't touch you... I still feel like I've hurt you."

"You didn't, John. I promise."

John "Okay."

Richard gently ran fingers through his hair. "Mmn..."

John closed his eyes, smiling a little at the touch.

Richard paused a minute. "I'm sorry, John, I shouldn't..." He lowered his hand.

"P-please. Please, don't stop. You, you help..."

Richard frowned. "Help what?"

John looked crushed. "Touching my hair. It... you make me feel better. It's comforting. And good."

Richard "Shh, hey, hey, shh..." He smoothed a hand through his hair again. "Shh, I've got you. I'm here, shh..."

John looked at Richard through his lashes, smiling weakly. "Th-thank you, Richard."

Richard "Shh, come here." He opened his arms and hugged him close.

John hugged him tightly, chest aching, body sore.

"Shh...It's okay." He clenched his eyes shut with a hiss. "Christ, not now. Mm...James misses you," he chuckled.

John smiled and leaned back. “If you want to let him out, I'll be okay. I think he was too occupied with me to hurt Hamish, and I _did_ promise to read to him. Though I'll miss you."

"Do you need me?"

John swallowed. "Yes. I do. But I don't want to hurt James' feelings. I don't want him to think I don't want to spend time with him."

"He's fine," Richard smiled. "Needs to sleep anyway. And if you need me I won't leave you."

"Thank you, Richard. I do. I do need you. If, if that's okay.”

Richard nodded. "Then I'm here," he whispered, rubbing his shoulders.

John leaned against him once more, closing his eyes and focusing on Richard's soothing touch.

Richard combed fingers through his hair and rested his cheek against his head. "Jim keeps dreaming about kissing you," he informed.

John blushed. "Really?”

Richard nodded. "Almost every night this week."

John smiled against his uniform. "That makes me feel good. I think about it too. Both of you."

Richard smiled a little, sad. "Yes, well...when it's all said and done I don't get you. He does."

John blinked. "You mean, when he's healed. And you... oh, god..."

Richard thumbed his cheek. "I go away."

John lifted his head. "So my options are leave you all separate, but trapped here... or erase you. God, that isn't fair. I want to help him, I want to heal him, but I... I don't want to lose James, or Jimmy. Or you, god, you..." He slumped forward, resting his head against Richard's collarbone. "We've got time, at least. Right?"

Richard kissed his forehead. "Baby, we're all him," he smiled, thumbing his lips. "I am Jim, but Jim isn't me. Like...like how a square is a rectangle, but not the other way around."

"I know. I know, I just... I don't want to lose you."

Richard ran fingers through his hair. "I'll always be there. And Jim...when he trusts himself, when he's whole he..." He chuckled. "He's confident. He's brilliant he's...god, when he's sure of himself he's unstoppable."

John smiled. "I don't doubt it. I'm not going to stop helping, you know. I'm going to put him back together. I can't... I can't take away what happened to him, but I can make sure he has a future, maybe even outside these walls. I want that, I want you all back in one piece and free, living the way you deserve to."

Richard smiled gently, thumbing his chin. "Whenever that is," he whispered. "I know for a fact that we want to be with you.”

John looked into his soft brown eyes, returning the expression. "I'd love that. God, I would. You're amazing."

Richard slowly, carefully, cupped his cheek, never looking away from him as he slowly leaned forward. He didn't close his eyes until they were a breath away, and gently kissed with soft, dry, chaste lips.

John didn't shy away, welcoming the tender kiss after Moriarty's rough embraces. He was warm, and absolutely hypnotizing. The doctor kissed him back, his own lips trembling.

"Shh..." He soothed, holding him, still shirtless and cradling him. He kissed him over and over, stroking his cheeks with those incredibly soft fingers. He kept it warm and tender, relishing every curve of his lips and the smell of his skin.

John ran a hand along the slender curve of Richard's throat, absolutely melting in his arms. He leaned into the man's touches, meeting every caress of his lips.

Richard shivered just a little, still holding him so close. "You can touch," he assured, barely speaking at all before kissing him again, addicted to his mouth.

John reached up and ran his hands through Richard's soft, dark hair, letting out a quiet moan. _Perfect, god, you're perfect._

Richard took one of John's hands and guided it to his chest. "I meant here," he cooed.

John pressed it against him, feeling his heart beating in his chest. _Real. Safe._ He trailed it down the curve of his pecs, feeling the scars, feeling the smooth skin between them. _So beautiful, god, so absolutely gorgeous..._ He couldn't stop exploring Richard's chest, thumbing over his nipples, scratching lightly at his collarbone, massaging his abdomen. "Mmn," John whimpered, pressing their lips together once more.

Richard gasped and trembled under his touches, letting out a soft coo. He leaned into his hands and kissed back, touching his neck and his face. "John?"

"Yes, Richard?"

"Where does this part of the story end?" He breathed, curious, lips swollen.

John blinked up at him, stormy eyes almost enveloped by his wide irises. "What do you mean?"

"Where is this going?" He whispered.

"With you and I?"

Richard smiled gently. "Right here, right now, what's happening right now.”

John "I'd like this story to have a happy ending. Something sweet. Something warm. I... I would like it to end the way it began, in your arms. I would like it to go farther."

Richard kissed him again, just as soft and gentle. "Tell me you want me to make love to you, John. And I will."

"I want you to make love to me, Richard."

Richard smiled and slowly edged the doctor's shirt off, kissing him deeply.

John moaned against his lips, pressing their chests together. There was a brief moment of worry about his scar, but he pushed it aside as he wrapped his arms around Richard's chest.

Richard gently pressed his lips to the puckered skin, thumbing his sides. "You are beautiful."

"So are you," the doctor breathed. "Every inch of you."

Richard blushed. "Thank you." He slowly kissed him down to the pillows, gently sliding over him.

John sighed softly, smoothing his hands down the man's muscular back. _I want you._

"Take off your pants for me?" He whispered.

John didn't hesitate, slipping them down and dropping them over the edge of the bed. He was naked now, vulnerable, but he trusted Richard- and he wanted him closer, wanted to feel his skin, wanted to hear his breathless moans against his ear. "Please," he breathed. "Be closer. I need you."

Richard shed the rest of his clothes and pressed down against him with a shudder. "Oh..."

John pressed right back, lips parting in a quiet moan. "Richard..."

Richard tenderly licked into his mouth, holding him closer.

John slid his tongue against Richard's, groaning at the heat of his lips, at the way he tasted.

Richard groaned right back, combing fingers through his hair and touching him tenderly.

John couldn't remember needing anything quite as badly as he needed Richard- from the quiet noises he made, to the soft caresses, to simply the way he already made the doctor feel like the only man in the world. He was clay beneath his fingers, pliant and soft, absolutely lost in him.

Richard didn't want anything more than John. He wanted to make him feel good, he wanted him to know how much he cared, how much he needed him to be close. He kissed and suckled his lips, so soft and gentle. "Mmn..."

John whimpered and held him closer. "Richard," he breathed, lips ghosting against his. "Mmn, Richard..."

Richard kissed him a little more firmly. "I'm here. I've got you, it's alright. Shh..."

John kissed him back, shivering. "I know, god, I know. May I have more of you? Anything, anything at all..."

Richard kissed him carefully and sucked his fingers a little, dropping down to open him again. His lips melted into his throat, kissing softly and carefully. "I'd give you the world if you asked for it," he breathed.

"Mmn... I just want you."

"You've got me," he whispered. "You've got every inch of me."

John let out a small, needy noise. _You're all I want, all I need. God, I didn't realize how hard I was falling for you..._ He shifted his hips to give Richard more room, leaning up to kiss the skin of his shoulder.

Richard kissed his throat as he worked, whining and moaning softly. "You feel incredible."

"T-thank you, I... Oh, your hands... M-more, please, I can take more..."

Richard nodded and added another, soft palm splaying over his chest and caressing every line of muscle on his torso.

John slowly rocked back to meet him, lashes fluttering. He cupped Richard's neck in one hand and brought him close for another kiss.

Richard groaned and kissed his throat and his cheeks, smoothing a hand over his cheek and working inside him carefully. He crooked his fingers and slid them against his prostate with a quiet moan.

John gasped, curving beneath him as the sensation wracked his body. "Oh, god, Richard..."

"I've got you. Shh...I'm here."

John held him tighter, kissing along his jaw. "Yes. Yes, you do. Yes, you are. I want this, I want you... O-ohn..."

Richard added his last finger, gentle and insistent all at once with lips pressing to his eyes. "You have me."

"Mmn, and you, you have me..." He was so gentle, so heart-achingly perfect, and John couldn't help but think that nothing had ever compared to him, to his gentle hands and silver tongue, to the warmth in his eyes and the heat of his breath. _Everything. You're everything._

"Tell me when, Johnny. Tell me when you're ready for me," he breathed.

John shivered, goosebumps crawling over his skin. "N-now, Richard, please. Now..."

Richard nodded. "Of course, baby," he whispered. He carefully lined his hips up with his entrance and slowly pressed inside.

John wrapped his arms around Richard's neck, hissing slightly. He was still raw from Moriarty's rude (but sexy) wake-up. He was going slow, though, and it helped. The doctor wrapped his legs over Richard's hips with a soft moan. _Together._

"Shh, shh, shh, I'm sorry," he breathed, pausing, holding his face.

John blinked up at him. "It's alright. I can handle it." He smiled. "I promise. If it was too much, I'd tell you."

"Okay," Richard nodded, kissing him again and slowly edging inside, allowing him to adjust step by step.

John leaned his head back, panting. "Oh, god... you feel so good, Richard." Inch by inch, he filled John, and the doctor kissed every inch of skin he could reach.

Richard moaned softly, hugging him to him. "Tell me when you're ready."

John pressed against his soft, pale skin. "Move, please... God, I'm ready..."

Richard's cheek rested against his as he started to move, soft coos and moans in John's ear while his hips rolled.

John rocked with him, full in the best possible sense as the man held him close. True to John's expectations, the noises he made were absolutely divine. He whimpered and sighed, stretching his stomach, sliding his body against Richard's.

Richard leaned into his warmth and the smoothness of his skin. He kissed him, caressed him, kept him close and their gazes locked. He laced their fingers together and kept rocking, moaning quietly.

John gazed into Richard's deep brown eyes, lost in them, in _him_. He was beautiful, and John could feel his heart swelling. _You're the best thing to ever happen to me. God, Richard, you. All of you._

"You feel so good," he whispered.

"So do you. You... you feel like... mmf, everything good in the world..."

Richard smiled gently. "Thought you deserved as much after what he did to you. I want you to know this body can care and heal and not hurt," he whispered, kissing him again. "Because I don't want you to ever think about that again.”

John felt his eyes watering. "I know. I know, god, I know it can. I know you can. I won't. I won't think about that, just this. Just you. Just this. Oh, Richard..."

Richard kissed the tears from his eyes and moved a little faster, gasping and shivering.

John moaned, dragging his hands along the curve of his back. "Mmn..."

Richard gasped softly and licked his lips, kissing him repeatedly. "Oh, god, John!"

John hummed against his lips, eager for more, addicted to the way he tasted, to the noises he made. "O-ohn, Richard... M-more, please..."

Richard kissed behind his ear. "Tell me what you want, John," he breathed.

John shivered. "Will, will you touch me?"

Richard nodded. "Of course, baby." He wrapped his hand around his arousal and gently started to stroke him, claiming his mouth again.

John moaned into Richard's lips, kissing him back eagerly. Between his hips and his hand, John was unravelling, in the most beautiful ways.

"Let go, John," he breathed. "I've got you, let go."

John didn't let himself hold back, muscles tightening around Richard as he let the pleasure carry him away. His eyes rolled back in his head as he panted his name, voice breathless and almost an octave higher. "Mmf, Richard... I'm, I'm close..."

"There you go, there...shh, shh, good..." He sighed, moaning softly himself and kissing his Adam's apple. "Me too, love. God, me too. Will you come for me?" He whispered, thumbing over his head.

John nodded weakly, baring more of his throat to him. _Trust. I trust you._ "Y-yes, darling, I- ohn, god... I'll, I'll come for you, Richard, I- Ohn! Richard!" His back curved off the mattress as he came between them, his entire body tensing and trembling as it wracked his body with pleasure.

Richard grunted with him, cooing softly. "So hot, baby. So warm, mm..." He hummed, licking his lips. He cradled him close, rocking in and out of him a few more times before moaning out his name, shuddering his release into him, moaning.

John felt him pulse, felt his cock tensing inside of him, and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever experienced. He held Richard close, gasping, peppering his skin with warm kisses.

Richard smiled at him, kissing his forehead. "Mmn..."

John blushed and sighed happily. "That was perfect."

"That's good," Richard said with a grin.

John kissed his chin. "You're perfect."

Richard pinked. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He held the man closer, absolutely drunk on him.

Richard nuzzled into his neck, holding him and kissing him.

John hummed. "God, you're incredible. Absolutely incredible."

"God, so are you, baby."

John smiled shyly, basking in the weight of him against his chest. _I'd do anything for you. I really would._

Richard kissed his chest and his neck lazily.

"Oh, that's... Mmm. I like that."

Richard cupped his cheek. "You're gorgeous."

"So are you. God, I've thought so since we met.”

"You did?"

John turned redder and nodded. "Most beautiful man I've ever seen."

Richard blushed back, smiling shyly. "Now you're just being nice."

John shook his head. "I'm being honest. Really."

"There's got to be someone out there prettier than me.”

John smiled. "Nope. Not a single person."

"You should see Sherlock. He's... He's definitely good looking."

John closed his eyes. "Bully for him, he's an arsehole. Makes him ugly."

Richard smiled gently. "I think so too."

John sighed. "I hope I never meet him. I'll punch him. Right in his face."

"Don't do that," he pleaded.

John opened his eyes once more. "I know. I can't do anything. I have to sit there and act like I don't know how he treats you." _Stupid pretty git. He'd better look like a troll. He bloody is one._

Richard smiled. "I know, baby. It's okay."

John nodded sadly. "I suppose. Let's not think about him, or how attractive he is, right now."

Richard shook his head. "You're more beautiful than he could ever be."

John ran a hand along his back. "I'm not fishing for compliments."

"I know," he nodded. "I just...wanted you to know."

"I... alright. Thank you, Richard."

Richard kissed his forehead.

John smiled. "Mmm. Thank you." He brushed his fingertips along Richard's jaw.

Richard kissed his cheek. "You're very welcome."

John nuzzled against him, glad for the closeness, for the warmth. _I never want to move._

Richard kissed his cheeks, lying beside him. "You are so beautiful."

John trailed fingers down his chest, enjoying the feel of his cooling sweat. "I'm glad you think so."

"I know so."

John blushed a little. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

John kissed his throat. _God, I... I... I something you. I care about you, so much, more than anything else in my life. And I want to take care of you._

Richard ran fingers through his hair. "As much as I want to lie here naked with you we should get dressed in case we fall asleep."

John bit his lips and nodded. "That's... Yes. Alright." He gave the man one last lingering caress before sitting up and pulling his clothes on."

Richard got dressed as well and stayed on the bed with a small smile on his lips.

John finished and ran a hand through his hair, peeking back at Richard with a shy grin.

Richard patted the empty bed space beside him.

John took a seat beside him and rested his head on his shoulder.

Richard smoothed his hand over his cheek. "This is very unorthodox," he chuckled.

"Mmn. Yes, it is. Could lose my license... Can't be arsed to care. It's worth it. You are worth it."

Richard smiled gently, eyes misted. "Thank you."

John turned his head and kissed his palm. "You're welcome, Richard. Very welcome."

"Do...do you mind if I sleep beside you?" He said softly.

"I don't mind at all." He leaned back and got comfortable, moving one arm for Richard to lay on.

Richard smiled and nuzzled beside him, taking his hand.

John laced their fingers together and held him close. _Perfect._

Richard kissed his nose.

John giggled. "Goodnight, Richard." He kissed him properly, soft and gentle, before laying his head on the pillow.

Richard kissed him back with a sigh. "Goodnight, John."

John closed his eyes, feeling safe and warm, praying Moriarty wouldn't reappear while they were resting so close.

Richard "I won't let him come back. Not tonight," he whispered.

John smiled against his neck. "Thank you. Thank you so much. God, you're too good to me."

"I'm as good as you deserve, baby."

John blushed and squeezed him tighter. "Get some rest, love. I'll be here when you wake up."

Richard cupped his cheek, kissing his forehead. "I might not be."

John blinked. "Not... not permanently, though, right?"

Richard cocked his head. "Well I'll still be here. Even if Jim gets completely better I'm always there." He kissed him again. "I'll always be with you."

John felt his eyes burning as he captured his mouth again, threading his free hand through Richard's hair. _I'm going to lose you._ "But you won't, you won't be you... I... Always. Always with me. And I you. God, Richard... I'm sorry, I'm clingy tonight, it's..." He kissed him again, lashes wet. "I know, I know you have to sleep soon. And I know you might not come back. I'm going to try not to ruin this by blubbering all over you again."

Richard's eyes were sad. "But...John, I am Jim. I am. You won't lose a thing, I..." He didn't know how to convince him. What to say. He thumbed his cheek. "It's okay."

"I know you are. And when, when I help him, when I fix him, he'll be you. He'll be all of you. I'll still be able to see you all in him."

Richard kissed him again. "I should've let Jim say all this."

John nuzzled their noses together. "He'll get a chance, I'm sure. And then I get to hear it all again."

“Don't let him talk himself out of it," he whispered.

"How?"

"Just...don't let him back down. Don't let him be scared. You know him. You know us, you know how," he breathed, kissing him.

John met his lips again, nodding. "Okay. I, I think I can do that."

"I know you can. He loves you more fiercely than I do but he's so damn scared."

"I love you both so much," John breathed, not hesitating once Richard said it first. "And I will take of him. I promise. I'll show him how safe he is, how much I care."

Richard kissed him, a little lazier than before. "Thank you." His eyes fluttered closed. "It'll probably be James tomorrow morning. He misses you a lot."

John smiled. "I did promise to read to him. He was occupied with his book though. Alright. Sleep well, Richard." And, just in case... "I love you. I'll take care of everyone. I promise."

Richard hummed and touched his cheek. "I know you will. I love you too."

John kissed his palm. "Sleep, beautiful. It's alright."

Richard "I'll see you soon," he promised, drifting off to sleep with a kiss to John's fingers.

John held him close and let himself doze, heart full and aching.

\----

James woke sometime later with a little yawn. He squinted at the man in front of him. "Dodder Watson?" He whispered.

John opened his eyes with a sleepy smile. "Hello, James. Did you sleep well?"

James nodded, patting his cheek. "Yes, I did. You go back to sleep."

John shook his head and sat up. "Mmmnope. I promised you I'd read to you, and I'm going to.”

James wrapped his arms around his waist, as if to weigh him down. "But you're sleepy."

John stroked his hair. "I'm a little worn out, but I'll always make time for you."

"I can play with Hamish or sleeps some more ," he assured. "It's 'kay."

"No, sweetie. Let me spend some time with you. Please?"

James nodded and smiled. "Okay! If you wanna."

John leaned over the bed and picked up the book. "Alright, get Hamish, and get comfy."

James scrambled off and grabbed the rabbit and his sweater, hopping back up beside him and nuzzling into his side.

John held him close and opened the book. "Chapter one: The boy who lived..."

James listened intently, running Hamish's ear over his lips as he did.

John read with a smile, eyes tearing up as he reached the next chapter. "I'm going to warn you, okay? His foster parents are very mean, very nasty people."

James's brow clenched. "Why?"

"Because sometimes it bothers people, and I don't want you to be afraid of them."

"No, why are they mean?"

"Oh! Well... Harry, the baby they rescued? He's their nephew by blood. His aunt's bitter because she didn't get magic powers like his mommy, and her husband's just a mean old rich guy who only cares about looking normal. They spoil their son and treat Harry like dirt, but he doesn't have to stay with them. And they never hurt him."

"Oh..." He nodded. "Okay, then."

John continued to read, about Dudley being a little shit, about Harry's cupboard, about all the bloody presents they gave to their son. "They're not good guys, but they're not bad guys. They're just... not good."

"So...they're people?"

John nodded. "Average, selfish people, yeah. But Harry's going to be okay. I promise." He continued the story, recounting the vanishing glass and speaking to the snake.

James listened with wide eyes and a smile.

John finally made it to the letters, grinning broadly as he described Uncle Vernon's attempts to stop them- to no avail.

"Who are the letters from?" He asked, bouncing a little.

John grinned. "Patience, darling. We're almost there. It's a surprise." Out to the island, for Harry's birthday, when... Ah, there he was. Hagrid, breaking down the door and offering Harry a cake and a letter.

James looked at him over Hamish's head, anticipation heavy in his stomach.

John kissed his hair. "HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY. Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards). Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall. Deputy Headmistress."

"Oh my goodness!" He squeaked. "A wizard school. That's...that's incredible."

John nodded. "Hogwarts is wonderful." Next came Dudley's pig-tail which always made John happy.

James giggled triumphantly. "That was Harry's cake! Piggy!"

John laughed with him. "Yes, and he got what was coming to him." Shopping came next, as well as Hagrid's explanation of his magical umbrella.

"Do you think I could go to Hogwarts when I'm 'leven?"

John smiled at him. "When you're eleven, I can take you there. They have one, in America."

"Where's that?"

"It's... Hm. About a twelve hour plane flight, maybe? To the west. Across the ocean."

James chewed his lip. "But what if I'm not magic?"

John hugged him closer. "Believe me, James. You're magic."

“How do you know?"

John pulled out his stethoscope. "I'm a special doctor. Wizards have magic in their hearts, and with this, I can hear it."

James looked down at his chest, then back at the stethoscope and gasped. "Then you can-can know if I'm magic!"

John nodded. "Yes, I can. Is it okay if I listen?"

James nodded and sat up with his chest aloft.

John pressed the stethoscope over his shirt, listening. After a few seconds his eyes lit up. "Yes, James, there's magic in you. I can hear it."

James lit up like central park at new years, grinning ear to ear. "So I can go?!"

John beamed at him. "Yes sir, you can."

"That's wunnerful!" He hugged his neck, squeezing him tight.

John hugged him back, chuckling. "Yes, it is. And there's so many things to do- we've not even read about the castle yet!"

James's eyes grew and he sat back with Hamish. "We get to go to Hogwarts, Hamish. Start packing carrots," he whispered, being quiet and looking ready to listen again.

John genuinely loved the little boy. _You are precious, and I promise. You are going to Hogwarts, if I have to drag Jim myself._ He picked up where they left off, with Harry boarding the train.

James leaned in and listened until John's voice got croaky. "Your voice is scratchy, you should stop.”

"Are you sure?"

James nodded. "That's 'nough for right now," he smiled.

John smiled back and folded the corner down. "Alright."

James nestled beside him. "Dodder Watson, I'm hungry."

John smoothed his hair. 'Alright, James. I'll have your lunch brought. You have to let me up, though."

"Yes, o' course." He sat up, kissing Hamish's paws.

John smiled and walked to the door. He hailed Sarah, blushing a little. "Um, would you, would you bring his lunch for me, please?"

James hummed a little at his rabbit, smiling contentedly. Sarah smiled and nodded. "Absolutely. Anything else I can do for you?"

John shook his head. "No, but thank you. Just lunch for now. I really appreciate it.”

James watched the lady smile, a little wilted, and walk away. "She's nice," he offered.

John nodded. "She is, but I'd rather spend time with you."

"Why come?"

"Because I like you, James. And because you're my best friend."

"I am?" He breathed.

John nodded. "The very best."

"I never had a best friend."

John beamed. "Well I'll be your best friend, if you want me to be."

James nodded. "I would be honor'd if you'd be m' best friend, Dodder Watson."

John held out his hand. "We'll shake on it. Be sure to concentrate, use some of your magic to make it official."

James did shake his hand, but ended up hugging him as tight and close as he could.

John hugged him back, careful not to hurt him.

James "My friend. Dodder Watson."

John "My friend. James Moriarty."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! This semester is absolutely hectic, and we don't have much time to edit 

John held him until Sarah knocked. "Just a sec," he said, letting him go. He took the tray. "I can't thank you enough. Really, Sarah. You're wonderful."

James watched him get his lunch and took it from him. "You keep talkin' to her like that and she's only gonna like you more."

John brought it to him when she left. "I want her to know that, while I'm not romantically interested in her, I like her as a person."

"She's nice," he agreed.

John kissed his head. "So are you. Don't forget to feed Hamish."

"I won't!" He assured with a grin.

John sat beside him while he ate, smiling.

James fed Hamish the cauliflower and cocked his head at the pink applesauce on his plate. "Can I eat that?" He frowned, poking at it.

John giggled. "Yes, you can. The pink is just for coloring, it tastes the same. My grandmother used to make it from scratch; it comes from the color of the apple skin."

"Oh okay. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't strawberry."

John smiled. "No strawberries. Although I can taste it first, to be sure."

James "Mkay!" He offered him a spoonful.

John took half of the spoonful, unable to find any traces of strawberries- no seeds, no flavor. "It's safe."

James grinned. "Thank you." He started eating happily.

"You're welcome, James." He sat back, thumbing through the Philosopher's Stone.

James ate happily, looking at him when he was done. "How come you don't eat here?"

"I don't really have a lot of money, and employees don't eat free."

James offered him half his sandwich. "Here 'go."

John blinked. "Are you sure, sweetie?"

"'Course I am," he smiled. "I want you to eat."

John took it from him and kissed his hair. "Thank you, James." He ate with him, chest warm.

James smiled. "I can get more food all the times and you can eat too."

"Thank you, James. That's very kind of you."

"I want my best friend to eat."

John giggled and finished his half of the sandwich. "You take good care of us, Hamish and I."

James "If I knew how, I'd magic you all the money you needed."

"Oh, sweetie, money's not everything. My life's fine without it. But thank you, though."

"It's not everything, but it helps."

John nodded. "It helps, but I'm doing okay. I promise."

"Okay.”

John closed his eyes, happy, enjoying James' company.

James put his tray aside when he was done. "Now what?" He beamed.

"What would you like to do? Take Hamish outside? Take a warm shower?"

"I wanna take a bath, but they don't have 'em here," he mumbled. "But can I go outside, please?" He smiled.

John nodded. "Yes, you can. Want to bring your fairytales and Hamish?"

James smiled. "Uh huh!"

John beamed and stood up. "Alright! Now, I have to put the bracelets on, still."

James sighed. "Okay."

"I'm sorry, little one, it's the rules."

James nodded. "I know."

John put them on him with a small frown. "Alright. Ready?"

James nodded, book and Hamish in hand.

John led him outside, into the slightly-overcast yard.

James frowned a little at the clouds.

"Everything okay?"

"No sunshine," he mumbled, sitting down by some clover for Hamish to eat.

"I'm sorry, James. Sometimes that happens."

James nodded. "I know. It's okay. At least I get to go outside."

John sat beside him, opening his own book. "Mhm. I sort of like it when it's like this. Plus, it's easier on your allergies."

"It's gonna be cold soon."

"Mhm. Autumn's coming up."

"Aw-tum..." He said, holding it on his tongue.

John smiled. "Or Fall."

James "Fall's easier to say," he whispered.

John "Then you can say that. Promise."

James nodded. "Okay," he smiled.

John leaned back, eyes closed, enjoying the cooler air.

James read his book and hummed happily.

John watched him every now and then, the boy occasionally feeding his rabbit. _You are too cute, little one. Too cute to be trapped here._ He often forgot James wasn’t a boy at all- the personality was so strong, so spot-on...

James was content where he was, smiling and playing with Hamish in the grass.

John opened his eyes as a few droplets of water splashed against his face. "Looks like it's going to drizzle. Do you mind a little rain, James?"

James turned his head up to the sky and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out to catch the drops.

John giggled. "Good. I like it too."

James licked his lips and smiled at him.

John returned the expression, slight butterflies in his stomach. The water came down a little harder.

"Hamish doesn't like the rain!" He called, covering him with the book.

"Do you want to go in?"

"I'll be wet all day!”

"I'll get you a dry uniform, James."

"But Hamish?"

"I can get Hamish a towel."

James smiled. "Okay!" He lied back on the grass, just letting the rain hit his face.

John laughed and laid back with him. "This is my favorite kind of weather."

"Rain?"

"Yes. It relaxes me. Makes me happy. When I was in Afghanistan, it didn't rain very often, so coming home was incredible for me."

“Af-gan-ih...what?"

"It's a country, to the east. I fought in a war there."

James frowned. "You got hurts, didn't you?"

John nodded sadly. "I was hurt very badly, yes."

"Where?" He asked, rolling on his side to look at him.

John pointed to his shoulder, feeling the tissue even through his layers. 'Right here."

James frowned and kissed the spot through his clothes.

John blushed furiously, glad the guards were busy with other patients. "Thank you, James."

"Is it better?"

John nodded. "Yes, it is."

James grinned triumphantly. "Good!"

John looked at his watch. "You have ten more minutes, little one."

James wilted immediately. "Okay."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I know. I just wish you could have this all the time. That's okay, though, I don't want you getting sick."

"I don't want to get sick, but I don't get to go outside no more."

"You do now. Every day. I'm making sure of it. It's not for long, but that's because I got you showers too."

James's eyes grew. "Thank you, Dodder Watson."

John beamed down at him. "You're welcome, James."

James hugged him around his middle.

John hugged him back. "Ready?"

James sighed a little. "Mmhm."

John stood up and offered him his hand.

James took it, standing carefully and picked up Hamish and his book.

John helped him inside, stopping to get him a small hand towel and a clean uniform. "Want a shower too?"

James nodded. "Yes, please."

John smiled. "Alright." He led him to the bathroom, doing the usual privacy check. He took off James' cuffs and motioned to the shower. "It's all yours, little one. I'll be on that bench of you need me. I need to take hamish and your book, though."

James handed him the book and kissed Hamish on the head. "Stay with Dodder Watson and be good, 'kay?" He waited a moment and kissed the rabbit again before handing him to him. "He needs to take a nap," he informed then stepped off to the shower.

John smiled and nodded, taking the hand towel and tucking Hamish in on his lap. He opened his own book, absolutely refusing to look at James until he was finished.

James washed and sang to himself, careful not to get soap in his eyes like a big boy.

John tapped his foot along with James' song. _What a sweet child._

James finished his shower and hopped out, still singing as he dressed himself and came back out. "Dodder Watson, can you comb my hair? I dunno how without a mirror."

John set hamish down and nodded. "Sure thing." He took a comb from his pocket and combed Jim's hair back, unable to stop smiling.

James smiled. "Thank you, Dodder Watson," he beamed.

"Mm. No problem, James. There you go. All ready to head back?"

James nodded. "Uh huh." He took Hamish, careful not to wake him.

John picked up their books and helped him back to the room, putting the cuffs away. "How are you feeling?"

James shrugged. "Okay. Had a good day with you."

"That's good! I'm glad."

James smiled. "Me too!"

John "What would you like to do?"

James shrugged. "I dunno."

John "Are you sleepy?"

James rubbed his eyes. "No," he lied.

John chuckled. "Want me to read to you?"

James nodded. "Yes, please."

John sat in bed beside him and picked up where they left off, on the Hogwarts express.

James curled beside him and listened.

John continued to read, recounting meeting Ron and Hermione, and Harry buying all the sweets.

James's eyes drooped, Hamish's ear against his cheek and his thumb in his mouth.

John kissed his hair and marked his page, wondering who would show up next.

James nuzzled against him with a coo, sleeping soundly.

John held him gently, reading his own book. When the body began to stir, he noticed the fearful twitch. _Oh jesus. Jimmy. Fuck, will... will what Richard did work?_

Jimmy hummed quietly and looked up at John, jumping at the contact. He looked up at him with a frown. "Um...hi."

John swallowed. _You can do this._ "Good morning, Jimmy. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he nodded, licking his lips and putting the rabbit aside.

John smiled gently. "That's good, I'm glad. Would you like some space?"

Jimmy sat up and got on the other bed. "It's not that I don't like you. Just...being that close scares me a little."

"It's fine, I understand. I don't want you to feel scared."

Jimmy chewed his lip and scratched the back of his neck.

"Would like a book to read?"

"I get books?" he whispered.

John nodded and offered him the stack he'd brought.

Jimmy softened, relaxing a little and taking them gingerly. "Thank you."

John smiled. "You're welcome."

Jimmy found one he'd read before but that was okay. He liked it. He smiled lightly at John and sat back on the bed, wrapping his sweater around his arms.

John stretched out on the bed Jimmy had vacated, reading The Hobbit once more.

"Um...what's that for?" He asked, nodding to the bed John rested on.

"I'm going to be changing your mattress later."

Jimmy "Oh, okay."

"Is that alright?"

Jimmy nodded. "Mmhm."

John sighed, relieved. "Good, good. I'm sure yours is getting uncomfortable."

"Since when does that matter?"

John blinked. "Since I got here.”

Jimmy licked his lips. "That's nice of you."

"Well, unlike other people, I actually care." he noticed the action. _Three times. It's a tell of sorts, but for what?_

"Thank you."

"I also have a bit of tea, if you want it, though it's cold by now."

"That's okay," he whispered. "Thank you, though."

John nodded. "Alright. Let me know if you need anything. I also have an unopened bottle of water that you're welcome to."

"Could I have that please?" He said softly.

John nodded and pulled out the bottle, seal intact, and handed it to him.

"Thank you," Jimmy breathed, taking it and taking a long drink.

John smiled again and sat back. _Getting him to trust me is going to be hard._

Jimmy finished the bottle and put it in the trash. "I had a dream about you."

John hoped it wasn't what he thought it was. "You did? Do you want to talk about it?"

Jimmy nodded. "We were just...sitting outside. Just sitting together talking. It was nice."

John beamed at him. _Is... are the memories breaking through?_ "That sounds really wonderful. Would you like to go outside tomorrow?"

Jimmy nodded again. "Yes, please. That...that would be great."

"Alright. When you wake up, we'll go outside, and if you want, we'll get you another warm shower."

"Thank you," he smiled.

John returned the expression. "I just want you happy."

"I don't know what that is," he admitted.

"My hope is that you will, Jimmy. That you will know 'safe' and 'happy'."

"Sounds like a miracle."

John chuckled. "It does? Well. It's a miracle I'll work for you."

“Aren't, aren't you supposed to ask me questions and stuff?"

"I am, but I don't want to be intrusive. I thought you might enjoy a quiet day with book."

Jimmy ran a hand through his hair, looking a little exasperated. "There's no such thing as a quiet day for me."

John frowned a little. "What do you mean?"

"M' head's always full of noise."

"I... oh. I'm sorry. I haven't been giving you your medicine, you seemed to be doing better."

"It's there with or without it, it's okay."

"Does nothing ever help it?"

Jimmy scratched his chin. "You."

John "I... I do?"

Jimmy nodded without looking up at him.

"Is the noise bothering you now?"

Jimmy shook his head.

John smiled gently. "That's good, I'm glad.”

"Me too," he said softly.

"Do you need anything?"

Jimmy scoffed. "A lobotomy, maybe."

"No, no. Those never worked. You don't want that. You wouldn't be you."

"Maybe that's for the best," he whispered.

"I know you've been through Hell, Jimmy, but you're a wonderful person. Losing who you are... it's not as peaceful as it might seem."

Jimmy shrugged. "Maybe."

John swallowed. "I wish I could help."

"You do."

"Just by talking to you?”

Jimmy nodded again.

"Alright. What would you like to talk about?"

"Me?"

John nodded. "Or, um. Wait. You want to talk about you? Because that's perfectly alright, and what I should be doing anyway."

"If...if that's what you want to do, then okay," he nodded, swallowing.

"You could ask me things, you know."

"I wouldn't know what to ask."

"Really? Not curious about me?"

Jimmy "Well sure, but...I don't want you to get mad."

"I won't. I promise."

Jimmy nodded. "Okay." He thought a minute. "Where did you go to uni?"

"King's College."

"Was it nice?"

"For the most part. I did a lot of lab work at Saint Bart's, met a lot of interesting people. I'm still in touch with a few."

"That's neat… I don't think I'm gonna go to uni."

John frowned "Because you're here?"

Jimmy shrugged. "Yeah. And...well what could I do there?"

"You could get a degree."

"In what?"

"Anything you wanted to study. Law, technology, art..."

Jimmy shrugged again.

"What sort of things interest you, Jimmy?"

"Books. History, art, that kind of thing," he whispered. "I can't draw or paint or anything. I just like looking."

"You can study history, and get a degree in it, you know.”

Jimmy nodded. "I know. But...I didn't even finish secondary."

"That's alright."

Jimmy looked at his hands. "I'm never getting out of here anyway so...what's the point?"

"You might. You might. I'm going to do everything I can for you."

"Who'd hire me?"

John "You know you can still complete secondary, right? They have equivalent certificates.”

"Who'd. Hire. Someone. Like. Me?"

"You could work at a university, as a professor."

"I'm insane."

"No you aren't."

"Then why am I here?"

"Because our system is broken."

Jimmy's brows knitted. "What system?"

"Our medical system."

"Wh...what's wrong with it?" He squeaked.

"Well, for one, they're keeping you here. You're not a danger to anyone, and before I came along, they mistreated you. It's not right. It's awful."

"O-oh," he sniffed. "I guess."

"Are you alright?"

Jimmy nodded. "I just... I don't see myself leaving."

"I know it seems impossible, right now, but it'll happen. No matter what it takes."

"Even if I'm eighty?"

John smiled. "You're not going to be here that long, dear, I promise."

"Seventy, then," Jimmy joked.

John chuckled. "Even if you're seventy. We'll break out of here with our walkers."

Jimmy smiled gently. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"How'd you end up here instead of working in a hospital?"

John "Well, you're not my only patient. I have four others, and one is... violent. They thought my military training would come in handy."

"Violent? How?"

"He's hurt doctors before, physically and psychologically."

"Be careful."

John nodded. "I will be."

"Promise?"

John smiled at the boy. "I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

"Please, don't."

John blinked, a little surprised. "I'm not going to leave you. Ever."

"I'm holding you to that."

John was honestly relieved to know things were okay between him and Jimmy. Sort of. _Thanks to Richard._

Jimmy got up, slowly, and sat beside him.

John watched him with a gentle smile.

"Is your mum still alive?"

John nodded. "Yes, she is. My father died while I was in the war."

"Do you talk to her?"

John shook his head. "No, I don't. Not since I moved out."

"Why?"

"She... She just let my father hit us. I know she was as much of a victim, but she didn't _stop_ him. She didn't help us. I can't forgive her for that."

Jimmy gently took his hand. "I'm sorry."

John squeezed it, not too tightly, just in case. "It's alright."

"My mum and dad hit me."

"I'm so sorry, Jimmy. It's a horrible thing to go through."

"I'm sorry your dad hurt you."

"I'm sorry yours did too."

"Well they're dead."

"They are?" Richard had told him the story, but Jimmy didn’t know about that.

Jimmy nodded at him. "Mum shot dad in the head. Then herself."

"I'm... that's horrible, I'm so sorry."

Jimmy shrugged. "I was three."

"Still, that's terrible to experience."

"It's alright. Thanks." Jimmy leaned his head against his shoulder.

John "May I put my arm around your shoulders?"

Jimmy nodded.

John did so, holding him close.

Jimmy shut his eyes, a gentle smile on his lips. "Miracle accomplished."

John blushed. "I'm glad."

"Never been safe before."

"You will be from now on. I promise. I hope to get you out of here before Mr. Holmes comes by."

Jimmy looked at him. "That soon?"

John nodded. "I'm doing everything I can."

"That...that's impossible."

"Why's that?"

"There's no way I can get better before then."

John frowned a little. "Why not?"

"Too crazy."

"Not crazy."

"Too fucked up."

"You're hurt, and that's all."

"Hurt people go to hospitals and leave in a few days. Not this."

"Your hurt is a deeper one. Something physical and psychological."

Jimmy looked down at himself. "I'm fine."

John rubbed his shoulder. "Are you?"

"Physically, yeah."

John nodded. "That's good. I'm glad."

Jimmy "That's thanks to you, though."

John smiled. "Really?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yeah, the cold showers with the hard water stopped.”

"Oh. Well, yes, those are extremely inhumane, and I cannot _believe_ they let that man assign you to them. Are the warm ones nice?"

Jimmy smiled and nodded. "Like heaven."

"Good! Good, I was hoping you'd enjoy them."

Jimmy nodded. "I do. Very, very much."

"Any more questions?"

Jimmy shook his head.

"Do you need anything?"

Jimmy shook his head again.

"Okay." He continued to hold him.

Jimmy turned and linked his arms around his neck, hugging him tight.

John hugged him back, glad for the contact.

Jimmy squeezed tight, sniffling against his neck.

John did the same, squeezing him tightly. "I'm going to keep you safe."

Jimmy started to cry, moving so his knees were between John's legs, sobbing hard.

John held him close. "Are you alright?"

"I haven't been alright in sixteen years," he stammered.

"You can let it out. It's alright."

Jimmy just kept crying and sobbing against him, clinging tight.

John rubbed his back and hummed softly.

Jimmy didn't know why he was crying, but he couldn't stop. He let it out in his shirt and his neck, staining his clothing with tears. "I'm sorry.

"It's okay sweetie. It's okay. I don't mind. I'm here for you."

"Th-thank you."

"You're welcome."

Jimmy continued to cry, mumbling and whimpering incoherently at times.

John did his best to comfort him, simply holding him and rocking him in his arms.

Jimmy started to slump against him after awhile, tuckering himself out with the force of his crying.

John carefully laid him down on the bed and tucked him in. "Sleep well," he whispered, kissing his hair.

Jimmy weakly grabbed his shirt. "Stay. W-with me, please."

John nodded. "Okay. Okay, Jimmy, I won't leave." He arranged himself so that he was holding him close.

Jimmy lied with him, tears still leaking down his cheeks. "Never leave."

John "I never will. I promise."

"Thank you."

John squeezed him gently, twining their ankles together. "You can get some rest, if you want."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

John nodded. "Yes, I will.”

Jimmy settled back down, nestled against his chest. He slept quickly, falling into a deep rest.

John chewed his lip, watching him sleep. _Who will you be next, sweet one?_

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're alive, I swear. Finals are almost over!
> 
> There might be errors in this chapter. It didn't save with my formatting, so there's a chance some thoughts aren't italicized.

Jim woke a few hours later, looking up at him. He blushed immediately. "Hi."

John smiled down at him, remembering Richard's request. "Hello, Jim."

Jim licked his lips. "Um...why are you...?"

"You asked me to. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop. It helped you sleep."

"O-oh. No, um, it's fine," he breathed, swallowing. "I...asked you to?"

John nodded. "You asked me not to leave when I tucked you in."

"The me that asked you that," Jim said softly. "What's he like?"

"Young. Scared. Not used to safe physical contact. He says I'm responsible for the safety, the happiness he feels. I like him."

Jim's brows knitted. "That's weird."

"What is?"

"Him."

"Why's that?"

"If you woke up one morning and someone told you what you just said to me wouldn't you think it was weird?"

John lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry. Would, um. Would you like me to move?"

Jim shook his head. "No."

John smiled. "That's good. I don't think I could handle rejection right now."

"You...you couldn't?" He licked his lips again.

John noticed the action again, licking his own in response. "No, I couldn't.”

"Why's that?"

John swallowed. "Because I really like you."

Jim nodded. "You're a good friend."

John hid his disappointment. "Thank you."

Jim swallowed, staring at him. "I...I like you too."

"You do?"

"I..." He couldn't finish it.

John leaned a little closer. I don’t want to push him, but Richard… "You mean the world to me."

"I do?" The man shivered.

John nodded. "Yes."

"Th-that, I... Oh.”

"What is it?"

"No one's ever talked to me like that before."

John blinked. "No one?"

Jim shook his head. "No. Never."

John smiled gently. "I will."

Jim looked at him a moment, just looking, almost awed. "I..."

John reached over slowly and took his hand.

Jim swallowed and squeezed it, wondering vaguely how Dr. Watson had gotten so close.

John looked at him, his eyes warm. "Do you need anything?"

Jim nodded. "Yes."

"Tell me, please."

Jim gently and slowly leaned forward, taking a risk, a big one. He waited for John to yell at him, to slap him away and ask him just what the fuck he thought it was doing. But it didn't happen. Instead he got close enough to feel his breath on his face right before he kissed him.

John kissed him back, pulling him a little closer, heart hammering in his chest.

Jim honestly couldn't believe this was happening. He kissed him deeper, gaining confidence. He held his face in his hands with gentle hands.

John leaned into his touch, letting him lead, absolutely desperate for more despite Richard's attentions earlier.

Jim was more desperate than Richard, desperate to touch him and stay close to him in case this was a dream and it was going to end soon.

John welcomed it, welcomed the feel of his body, welcomed his need. He lifted Jim and rolled them over so that he was beneath him, gasping for air before reconnecting their mouths.

Jim looked up at him with deep, ragged breaths, combing fingers through his hair.

John chewed at his lip. "You are so beautiful."

Jim shook his head. "I'm not."

"Yes, Jim, you are. You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

"B-but, I..." He swallowed.

John kissed him, silencing his protests.

Jim hummed, kisses still desperate and wanton.

John nipped at Jim's lips, lost in him, wondering how much he wanted.

Jim moaned softly, leaning into his touch, looking up at him with wide eyes. "You, you could get into a lot of trouble for this."

"I know. I could lose my job. I already could, though, for the changes I've made. And really, you're worth every risk."

Jim stared at him, marveling at the feel of his skin beneath his hand."That...you're sure?" He whispered, nuzzling against him.

"Sure about what? You? Yes, god yes."

"You-you could have anyone in the world. Why me?"

John "Because you're perfect."

"What? No. No, I'm the furthest possible from perfect.”

John shook his head. "Not from where I'm laying."

"I...perfect people don't get put in places like this."

"You're hurt, that doesn't lessen your worth."

Jim nodded. "Yes it does."

John shushed him. "No, no, Jim. It doesn't."

"But..." He looked up at him, swallowing. "Don't you want someone normal?"

John smiled at him. "You're the only one I want."

"Really?"

John nodded. "Really, Jim."

"But we can never be..."

"Can never be what?"

"More."

"You're not going to be stuck in here, Jim. I'm going to get you out."

"How do you know that?"

"Because if I have to... I'll break you out."

Jim's eyes grew. "What?"

John nodded. "Yes."

"But you could get into so much trouble. You...it'd end your life."

John "Jim. You are my life."

Jim blushed. "I..." He licked his lips. "I'm really that important to you?"

"Yes, Jim. You're the most important thing to me."

Jim swallowed. "I...that's incredible."

"Really?"

"No one has ever given two shits about me. That's why this is so strange."

John kissed him again. "Are you okay with it?"

"I've never, ever wanted someone as much as I want you."

"You can have me, you know."

Jim swallowed. "I can?" He whispered.

John nodded. "Yes, Jim. You can."

Jim gingerly wrapped his arms around him. "What if someone sees us?" He whispered.

John "I have the only key to this room."

Jim "There's a window in the door," he whispered.

"Well, yes." He couldn't really tell Jim about their previous experiences. "But there's barely any staff on site at night."

"Is it night?"

John "There's about an hour left until most of the doctors go home."

Jim smoothed a hand over his cheek. "Good."

John leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and sighing softly.

"I need you so badly."

John licked his lips. "I need you too, Jim."

"I-I was so scared..."

"Of what?"

"That you wouldn't want me."

John traced his lips. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't have been trying to hard to make you happy."

"Caring about someone and...wanting them are different."

John smiled gently. "Yes, yes they are. But... I, um. I... I heard you, in..." He blushed furiously. "And I always thought you were attractive."

Jim 's eyes grew again. "Yes, well, um...I...." He was pink through his ears. "Ithoughtaboutyou."

John shivered. "While you were in the shower?"

Jim didn't meet his eyes and nodded.

John tipped his chin up. "Will you tell me about it?"

Jim flushed again. "I...tell you?"

"What you were imagining," John whispered.

Jim swallowed and shut his eyes. "You've...you've got really warm hands and...I haven't been touched in, god, a decade? More?"

John caressed Jim's throat with the hands in question. "You told me it was two years."

"Since I touched myself."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I... I totally misunderstood that. That's alright though. I, fuck. I would love to touch you."

Jim swallowed. "I would never, ever stop you if you did."

John kissed his ear. "May I start now?"

Jim nodded with a soft whine.

John placed his hand under Jim's shirt and slowly dragged it down his chest, feeling every muscle, every scar, and barely stifling a quiet moan when he hand reached the faint trail of dark hair beneath his navel.

Jim gasped. "N-not too bad, is it?" He breathed.

John "Your body is beautiful, Jim. I... Might have peeked. Just a little, to make sure you weren't hurt. One glance and then I forced my eyes down to give you privacy. I'd cover every inch of your skin in soft kisses, you know. Every inch." He thumbed over his nipples and leaned in to suck at his throat.12:48 AM

Jim whimpered. "Please. Please do, mmph!"

John caressed his chest and sides, holding him close, making sure there was never more than a few centimeters of space between their bodies.

"T-take it off, please," Jim breathed, desperate.

John pulled his shirt over his head and began kissing his scars, lips gentle, hands never stopping.

Jim's lips shook. "You don't have to do that."

"But I want to.”

"It's...it's ugly."

"No you aren't, and neither are your scars."

"You don't have to lie to me."

John stopped and leaned over him, looking him in the eyes. "Jim. I'm not lying. You are incredibly gorgeous, and if you want proof, I'll give you proof."

"How can you prove I'm not ugly?"

"By showing you the reaction you cause. The taste of your skin, the feel of you, the sight of you sweating slightly, lips parted... So beautiful, Jim..." He dipped his hips, pressing against Jim's thigh. "And I love looking at you, I love the way you feel, I love how you smile, I love your voice, everything about you is incredible."

Jim trembled. "Mmn!" He groaned at the feel of his heat, licking his lips. "Th-thank you."

"Should I keep going?"

Jim nodded, vulnerable and open. "Please. God, please."

John sucked at his hips and licked at his navel, wrapping one arm around the small of his back.

"God, your lips..." he moaned.

John blinked up at him. "May I go lower?"

Jim looked at him. "I...I'm scared to let you. But I don't know why."

John nodded. "Okay. That's alright, Jim."

"B-but I want you to."

“You do?"=

Jim nodded. "I-I want you so bad. And I don't even know why I'm scared."

John smiled warmly. They're pushing through. "It's okay. I'll be very, very gentle with you." He began to remove Jim's trousers.

"N-no one's seen me naked in a long time. No one that wasn't holding a hose," he blurted, nervous.

John stopped. "Jim. If you want me to stop, tell me. Okay? I won't make you do anything."

"I just..." He looked away a moment. "I don't want you to think I'm not...that I'm..."

"Jim, look at me, please. It's okay. I'm not going to judge you.”

"There's scarring there, too," he whispered. "And it...You might not like it."

John took his shirt off and placed Jim's hand over his bullet wound. "Scars don't bother me."

Jim swallowed, thumbing the skin. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know it's not the same, but I want you to know. Nothing could put me off from you. And besides." He climbed back up, laying beside him and whispering in his ear. "I was planning on you having me, if you were willing in it going that far."

Jim gasped softly, rolling over immediately so he was on top of him. He kissed him hard, naked on top of him, pale skin bright in the dim room.

John whimpered against his lips, just as fervent, just as eager. In just his slacks, he was already straining against them.

"I need you so much," he whispered, kissing his neck and his adam's apple. "God, you're so beautiful."

"I'm yours, Jim. I'm utterly yours. Take me."

Jim carefully undid his trousers and slid them off with his pants, gasping at the sight of him. "Oh-oh god, you're...wow."

John blushed. "Um... yeah... sorry..."

"Sorry? For being...Genetics are beautiful," he growled. He kissed John hard, suckling his lips and rocking against his body.

John shifted beneath him, moaning at the feel of his fair skin. "God, you're gorgeous," he breathed, running his hands along Jim's back.

Jim blushed. "Really?"

John kissed his throat. "Yes, god, yes. I want you."

"I don't think anyone's..." He breathed, gasping.

"T-think anyone's what?"

"Ever said that to me," he said, eyes sad and open.

John kissed him gently, cupping his jaw. "It's true. I want you, Jim, all of you. The pain, the loss, the kindness, the brilliance... I want all of you."

"You're too kind," he whispered, fingers drifting between his legs. "Oh, I don't...I don't have..."

“There's some in my bag."

Jim nodded, fumbling and so nervous. He sifted through the bag and pulled it out, swiping it over his fingers and started to slick his muscle.

John shivered and spread his legs wider. "Mmn, Jim..."

"Is that good?" He purred.

John nodded. "Y-yes, god, the way your hands feel..."

Jim smiled softly. "Thank you," he whispered, pressing his fingers insistently against his skin, opening him up.

John gasped, pressing down against his hand. "Ohn!"

Jim moaned, slipping a finger inside of him. "Ohoh, Christ, John..."

John flexed around him, coaxing him deeper. "G-good?"

"Yes. God, it's so hot..."

John rolled his hips. "A-another, please..."

Jim nodded and obliged, shivering as he watched him.

John looked up at Jim as he pressed back against his hand, panting.

"You look incredible," Jim breathed, heart thundering.

"Th-thank you, Jim," John replied. "Would you, would you kiss me?"

Jim nodded and crushed their mouths together with a groan.

John sucked Jim's tongue into his mouth with a moan as the man spread his fingers.

Jim groaned softly, stretching him carefully and whimpering.

John was thankful for Richard's touch earlier; it wasn't taking him that long to be prepared. "More. I can take it."

Jim swallowed. "Already?"

John nodded. "It, it'll be tight, but it won't hurt."

"Okay." He did so once more, pressing insistently and hastily working him open.

John stretched himself against the mattress, gasping and writhing.

"S-so beautiful..." Jim moaned.

"You are too, god, but you are..."

Jim flushed. "I don't see the comparison here, but if you say so," he breathed, sucking his throat and moaning.

"A-ah! Mmn, you... are amazing..."

"I am?" He breathed.

John nodded, still fucking himself back on his hand. "S-soon, please, Jim..."

Jim "Just tell me when," he breathed, rocking into him.

"O-ohn! N-now, oh please, now..."

Jim groaned and slicked himself, slowly and carefully edging himself inside.

John whimpered as Jim filled him, clutching at his shoulders. "Oh my god, Jim..."

Jim gasped and whimpered aloud. "So tight. So hot, mmn!"

John shivered and shifted beneath him. "Please. Please, move for me, oh fuck, you feel so good..."

Jim nodded and started to rock into him.

John moaned loudly, lifting his hips to take more of him. "Yes, oh, yes, Jim!"

Jim wrapped his arms around his back to hold him closer. "Mmph!"

John kissed him, hard and deep, as they continued to move together.

"F-feels so good. So good, ohn!"

John nipped at Jim's lips as the man thrust into him. "Y-yes, god, yes you do... Ohn, Jim..."

Jim whined and writhed inside of him, shivering.

John kissed at Jim's jaw, running hands along his back. "M-more, please..."

"I...What do you want me to do?" He stammered.

John blushed. "H-harder?"

Jim nodded and moved harder, grunting and panting.

John moaned and rolled his hips, helping Jim strike against his nerves. He bit his lip to keep from shouting, eyes rolling back in his head as he tightened around Jim.

Jim whimpered and kept moving, kissing him deeply and holding him tight.

John rocked with him, achingly hard and entirely strung out on the taste of him, on the feel of his cock, on the heat of his skin.

"Do...do you need me to touch you?"

John nodded. "P-please, please do, Jim, ohn..."

Jim swallowed and wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking him.

John whined softly, looking utterly wrecked as he looked into Jim's eyes.

Jim gasped and shuddered, just looking at him. "'M close."

"M-me too, Jim, ohn... W-will, will you come for me?"

Jim nodded weakly. "You first," he breathed.

"I... okay, yes, god yes..." John shifted again, Jim pressing against his nerves as the doctor panted and gasped. "Jim, Jim, ohn! Yehes, please... I'm… Jim..." He came with a whimper of Jim's name, spilling over his hand.

Jim drove against his prostate, kissing his neck and feeling him come apart beneath him. He groaned and watched him come, the breathless cry of his name sending him tumbling over the edge.

John kissed him as he felt him pulse, holding him tight against his chest.

Jim gasped raggedly, holding him tight. "Fuck..."

John nuzzled against him. "You're incredible."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"So are you," he breathed, kissing his face again.

John blushed. "You mean so much to me."

Jim "Which is a miracle.”

"Why do you say that?"

"You're...you're my first everything."

John blinked. "I am?"

Jim nodded. "As far as I remember, I...I've never really…”

"Never what?"

"Been with someone."

John kissed him. "You're my first, for this, too. For a few things, actually."

"Really? Did...I do alright?"

John giggled. "You were amazing, Jim. Honestly. God, I... Mmn."

Jim smiled, a little more sure of himself and hugged him.

John hugged him back, kissing his sweat-slicked skin.

Jim squeezed him tight. "All mine," he breathed.

"All yours."

Jim looked at him like a precious gem, like something sacred, as he cupped his cheek, and touched his skin."You're so...god, you're so beautiful."

"So are you, Jim. And your eyes..."

Jim blushed. "My eyes?"

"They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

Jim thumbed under John's eyes. "I disagree."

John turned a little red. "Thank you."

Jim kissed his forehead. "You're welcome."

John wondered if he should tell him, tell him how he felt. What if it makes him uncomfortable?

Jim saw the openness in his stare. "What?"

"Jim, I..." He bit his lip. "Jimiloveyou," he breathed quickly.

Jim 's brows rose. "Me?"

"Yes. You.”

"You love me," he breathed. "Wh...why?"

"Because you're brilliant, you're gorgeous, you're kind, you're fun, you have a great sense of humor..."

Jim licked his lips. "But I'm..." He tapped his temple.

John kissed his forehead. "You're hurt."

"Upstairs."

"And I'm going to help with that."

"Isn't there something somewhere about doctors not shagging their patients?" He winked.

John blushed harder. "I... well, yes, but..."

"Just too irresistible, huh?"

"Y-Yes.”

Jim giggled. "Oops?"

John "I don't mind. God, I don't."

"Me either."

John smiled up at him. "You don't think less of me, do you? For being mad about you?"

Jim shook his head. "Of course not."

"Good."John nuzzled into his neck. "We might want to get dressed soon. Just in case.”

Jim nodded. "Right," he breathed, slowly pulling his clothes on.

John kissed his hip as he pulled up his trousers, dressing himself as well.

Jim blushed and lied back down with him. "This is so weird."

"What is?"

“Just...being with someone. Like a normal person."

John chuckled. "Do you like it?"

Jim nodded. "Makes me feel like I'm not nuts.”

"Jim, you're not nuts."

"Am too."11:29 PM

John shook his head. "I keep telling you. You're really not. You're a little fragmented is all. It's temporary."

"Temporarily nuts, then."

John kissed his cheek. "You shouldn't talk that way about yourself. You're incredible."

Jim was coy now. "Incredibly nuts."

"Oi, come on," John said, giving him a nudge. "I'm complimenting you."

"Sorry, sorry. Thank you."

John smiled gently. "There we are. You're welcome."

"I'm trying."

"I know you are, and you're doing just fine."

"You're sure about that?"

John nodded. "I'm positive."

Jim kissed his cheek. "So long as you're sure."

"I am."

Jim swallowed. "Good."

"Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?"

Jim shook his head. "No. Just you."

"Mmn. You have me."

“All I need."

John tangled their legs together. "And you're all I need."

Jim pinked. "Really?"

John nodded. "Mhm. Just you."

Jim hugged him tight. "Well I'm not goin' anywhere."

"Thank you." He hugged him back, grinning happily.

"Well where can I go?" He snorted.

John felt a pang in his chest. "Good point. I'm sorry."

Jim shrugged. "It's okay."

John kissed a trail along his jaw, hand on Jim's hip.

Jim wrapped his arms around him, kissing his chest.

John giggled. "I can't get enough of you."

"That's good. Apparently there's five of me.”

"And all of them are wonderful. Well. Four of them. One's a little mean." The doctor didn't catch his slip.

Jim frowned. "Mean?"

"I told you, when we spoke of it. He's the reason you're here."

Jim thought a minute. "Hang on, there's six?"

John shook his head. "No, no. There's... No, I misspoke. There's four- three, three others. Four altogether." Can't let Moriarty know about Richard.

"Oh...okay."

John "Sorry, I'm still a little... muddled."

"From?"

"You. Your body. The adrenaline and dopamine still in my system. And yes. You're that good."

Jim "I...well that's good."

John curled against him. "Yes it is."

Jim blushed again, holding onto him tight.

John ran his hands along his back, closing his eyes.

"Tired?" He whispered.

"A little."

"You should sleep."

"What about you? Will you be bored?"

Jim shook his head. "I've got the most beautiful thing in the world to look at .”

John flushed. "Alright, darling." He kissed him softly. "I'll see you when I wake up."

Jim relished the kiss and smoothed his forehead while he tried to sleep.

John closed his eyes once more, falling beneath the waves of consciousness nestled against the warmth of Jim's body.

Jim counted the gray in his hair, traced his lips and listened to him breathe, just being near him. Eventually he joined him in slumber, with the smell of John's skin surrounding him.

John dreamed of three pairs of dark brown eyes, one shy, one soft, one ravenous.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow will change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short! Here's a bit of soft fluff/smut before the next day, which is... rough. 
> 
> And I want to apologize for the slowness! I took on too many projects over winter break, I know I need to finish updating this and Thirty Years. 

John slept for a few hours, finally rousing to find Jim curled beside him, head on his chest. He didn't have the heart to wake him, so he sat and looked at him with a warm smile.

Jim nuzzled into his shirt with a soft sigh. "Mm..."

John smoothed his hair. "Beautiful."

"MmJohn..."

John grinned. "I'm here, love."

Jim whined, hips pressing against his thigh

"Oh my god," the doctor whispered. "Jim. Christ, I love the way your skin tastes..." He leaned down and kissed his throat.

Jim groaned, writhing again.

John sucked gently.

"John..." He groaned, words slurred with sleep. "Mmgood. S'good."

John leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Can you hear me, Jim? Are you dreaming of me? Dreaming of the way my body feels around you?"

Jim nodded weakly, shivering. "Feels wonderful, mmph!"

"May I touch you?'

Jim nodded again. "Please...John, mmplease."

John slid a hand down his trousers and palmed him through his boxers. "Oh my god, Jim you feel incredible..."

Jim dreamt of John's incredibly warm hands and his soft voice, the way his skin felt, his lips... "Oh, John..."

John took a risk and moved beneath the fabric, stroking him slowly. "Mmn, Jim, oh my god... More, please..."

Jim gasped raggedly, trembling. "F-fuck!”

I want you, Jim, I want you to come. I want to taste you."

Jim whined again, coming over his fist with a soft whimper, gasping back to sleep.

John removed his hand and licked it clean, curling back up beside him. He let himself doze as well.

Jim wrapped around him tight, cuddling him close.

John started to snore lightly.

Jim woke a little while later, grumbling.

John stirred beside him, but didn't wake.

Jim stretched and looked over at him with a grin.

John gave a little snore, rolling his shoulders.

Jim smiled at him, still nestled close.

John woke about fifteen minutes later, wrapping an arm around him. "Mmn. Hello. Did you sleep?"

Jim smiled gently and nodded. "And woke up me."

John returned the expression. _He slept. And he didn't change. Progress comes quickly. Good, good. God, this is excellent!_ "Any good dreams?"

Jim nodded shyly.

"Sounded like it."

Jim blushed. "Oh, I'm sorry."

John kissed his cheek. "No need to apologize. I, um. Helped. I asked permission first, though."

"Oh! You, um...you did?"

"Mhm. Talked you through it. And you asked me to touch you, so... I did. If that's okay. I'm so sorry. You just... God, your voice..." He hid his face, terrified he'd crossed a line.

Jim swallowed. "That's...incredibly hot."

John peeked up at him. "Really?"

Jim nodded. "Uh huh."

John licked his lips and kissed his cheek. "I'm glad."

Jim grinned. "Me too."

"How are you feeling?"

"Good," he nodded.

John beamed. "I'm glad! You're already starting to show signs of healing, you know." He leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Jim blushed. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

"I...so, what, um...happens if I get out?"

"If you want me, I come with you, and help you get your life back."

"You will?"

John nodded. "Yes."

"That's...that's so kind of you."

"I care about you."

"It's still kind of you."

John kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

John held him a little tighter, almost protectively. _I wonder if any of them have left, or if they're just getting weaker- or if you're getting stronger._

Jim kissed his chest, grumbling a little. "Fuck."

"You alright?"

"I'm...I'm blacking out," he grunted, trying to fight it.

John kissed him gently and drew back a little. "It's alright, love. I'll still be here. You can let go."

"I don't want to," Jim whispered, touching his cheek. "I want to stay."

"I don't want you to be in pain, though..."

Jim's lips shook. "I can't fight it much more anyway," he shivered, eyes closing. "I'll be back."

"I'll be here, beautiful. I'll be here."

Richard blinked awake and looked up at John with a smile. "Hello, John."

John blushed. "Hello, Richard."

"How are you?" He asked.

"Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. And you?"

Richard smiled. "I'm good. Better that I can see you properly."

John flushed deeper and curled against his chest. "I talked to Jim."

Richard held him. "Oh, I know. Did a lot more than talk," he chuckled.

"I, um. May have been too forward. But it was wonderful. You're both incredible."

Richard smiled, a little shy. "Thank you, John."

"Missed you."

Richard grinned. "You did?"

John hid his face and nodded. "Yes, I did. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

Richard lifted his chin and kissed him. "You're all I think about too."

John moaned softly. If he'd managed to be that smooth as Jim, and Richard made him feel like this... "You are amazing," he whispered.

Richard smiled. "Thank you."

John nuzzled closer to him. "James got to use the shower today, and we sat in the rain for a little while."

"That's wonderful. He hasn't seen rain in years."

"He caught drops on his tongue. It was sweet."

Richard giggled. "Rather precious, isn't he?"

John nodded. "Absolutely adorable. I like making him happy. Jimmy even cuddled with me for a while."

"He trusts you."

"Thanks to you."

Richard shook his head. "I did one little thing. The rest was all you."

"And... Was it my imagination, or did Jim hold on longer?"

Richard smiled. "He held on a lot longer than he has in many, many years."

John traced the curve of Richard's jaw. "Does that mean it's helping?"

Richard nodded. "Yes. God, yes, you're helping."

John smiled up at him. "Good."

Richard nodded. "Very good."

"When you're... back together... will he have your confidence?"

"Oh yes."

John bit his lip. "Mmn. Good."

"He'll get better at everything, I promise."

"He's wonderful. I just... You've spoiled me."

Richard pinked. "How so?"

"I know, it was just because of, of what _he_ did, but... You made me feel like the only man in the world.”

Richard shook his head. "That wasn't the reason. That's what prompted me to, but it was a factor, not a reason. You are the only man in my world. The only one that doesn't share the same body I do."

John kissed his throat. "You're sweet."

"I care about you very much."

"I care about you too."

Richard kissed him. "Good."

John melted against him with a quiet sigh.

Richard thumbed his cheek. "What time is it?"

John checked his watch. "Five, sod..."

Richard gently stroked his cheek. "You should go home, love. Don't want to look too suspicious."

John swallowed and nodded. "I have an hour."

"No paperwork or anything?"

"I, um. Haven't really had time to write anything on your chart today." He blushed harder.

Richard giggled. "Alright. I just don't want you getting into trouble."

John reached over and grabbed his clipboard. _Serious improvements; longer coherency, less blackouts._ "There we are."

Richard smiled. "Good." He kept kissing his skin, moaning.

John placed a hand on his thigh, scratching gently at the white uniform.

Richard shivered. "Careful, doctor..."

"You're the one making the beautiful noises, Mr. Brook."

"Not my fault you taste so good."

"Christ, I can't get enough of you."

Richard sucked his pulse. "Mutual."

John whimpered, pulling him closer."

Richard worked up behind his ear with a growl.

"Ohn! Oh, god, I love that..."

Richard chuckled. "I know."

John shifted his hips, arse brushing against Richard's groin.

Richard whimpered. "Oh..."

John looked at him from over his shoulder. He batted his eyelashes. "Sorry."

Richard growled and rocked against him.

John gasped, moving with him, wondering what it'd feel like to have him again.

“Mmn! God, you feel so good!"

"So do you," John groaned. "God, you do..."

Richard slid his hand around to touch him through his trousers.

John pressed into his hand wit a soft whine, already hard enough to ache.

"You're...John, you're so hard..."

John whimpered. "You, mmn, seem to have that effect on me."

Richard slipped his hand beneath the waistband of John’s slacks, wrapping it around his cock.

“Oh! Oh, god, your hands are so warm…”

"So's your dick," Richard whispered, stroking lightly.

John shivered, rolling his hips against him. "Oh my god, you're entirely too sexy."

Richard grinned. "Am I?" He whispered, thumbing his head. "I had no idea."

John moaned a little louder. "Mmn, Richard... god, I need you..."

"I'm here," he breathed. "I'm right here, baby."

"I, I know. I know you are. I can _feel_ you."

Richard kissed behind his ear and his throat, rutting against him eagerly.

John closed his eyes, limp and pliant in Richard's arms, panting and moaning as his hand and hips worked.

Richard whined softly. "Mmn...John..."

John licked his dry lips, bucking into Richard's cupped palm.

"I'm going to make you come, aren't I?" He whispered.

John nodded weakly. "Y-yes, yes, you are..."

Richard kissed behind his ear and stroked faster.

"Ohn! Mmn, Richard... C-close..."

Richard nodded. "Come, John. Come for me, please..." He cooed, voice a soft, gentle hiss in his ear.

John moaned, pressing harder against him as he trembled. His muscles tightened and started to lock. "I- Mmn, Richard, that's... F-fuck, I'm... Ohn!" He came with a whine, spilling over his hand.

Richard smiled softly and kissed his hair. "Good boy.”

"W-what about you?"

Richard kissed his cheek. "Don't worry about me, love. That was for you."

"I... Alright. Thank you, darling."

Richard peppered the nape of his neck with kisses. "I think you might need to go, dear."

John swallowed. "Yes, yes I do. Dammit. Come here." He turned around and pulled him into a hug, kissing him tenderly.

Richard kissed him back, smiling softly. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

John nodded. "Yes, love, you will. I love you."

Richard thumbed his cheek. "I love you too."

John hid the books, setting them in the nightstand. He paused at the door. "Would you swap those mattresses for me? I told Jimmy I was going to."

Richard nodded. "Of course."

"Thank you. See you tomorrow, Richard. Be careful." He left to turn in his chart, heart heavy.

Richard sighed, watching the door as he left with a hollow building in his chest. He swapped out the mattresses and pushed the other bed against the opposite wall as if it belonged there before settling back on the bed and taking out _The Hobbit_ to read into the night until he fell asleep.

John picked up Jim's knitting things on the way home. In his flat, he heated up a leftover lasagna and sank down at his desk. _No emails, no missed messages… he’s really the only thing in my life, isn’t he?_ After his dinner, John took a shower and crawled into bed.

Richard drifted to sleep some time later, thinking of those deep blue eyes and soft words. He wouldn't be in his bed when John arrived the next morning. None of them would.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock pays a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the rest is all wind down, with a bit of a conflict with Moriarty. One more chapter to go, I think!
> 
> ChloeWinchester and I want to thank you for all the reads, kudos, and comments (as well as cracking the whip for me to edit), this has been really fun to share with everyone! Reviews have been pretty positive, which always makes us really happy and encourages us to keep posting our collabs <3

The hospital itself was loud and in a bit of a hurry, orderlies walking briskly, trying to get everything in order while Mr. Holmes loomed around the place, paying special attention to one patient, _the_ patient, while he was there.

John frowned as he entered the institution, knowing the signs. Someone important was here today. Possibly Holmes, the man John had never met and still managed to loathe. He went to Jim's room, praying he wasn't too late.

The nightlight was shattered on the floor, the books gone, the picture John had colored, gone, coloring book and crayons, gone, the sweater, gone. Hamish too. In fact all that remained in the room was a folding chair and a mattress on the cot. Distantly, toward the showers, there were screams.

John felt his fist clench at his side. _No. No, Jim... No, god, James... Jimmy... Richard... That fucking monster!_ John stormed off toward the shower, limp gone, blue eyes full of fire.

Sherlock turned from the doorway of the showers, a rather smug grin on his face, and faced the man stalking down the hall. "You must be Dr. Watson."

John glared at him. "Yes, I am. You must be Mr. Holmes. Heard a lot about you. Get out of my way."

Sherlock held up his hand and stepped in front of him to stop him. "You've broken a lot of rules in a short amount of time, doctor, I wouldn't press your luck," he said over the harsh sobs and screaming behind him.

John refused to back down. "I have been doing my job, and it's been working, if you'd bother to read my reports. Let. Me. In. He needs me, you sick bastard." He could tell by the pitch it was James. "And I want my things back. Immediately. Christ, he's just a child. Move!"

Sherlock chuckled, amused. "So he's got you fooled, does he?"

James sobbed under the sting of the icy water, naked and trying to curl against the wall to cover himself but they sprayed his face each time he tried. His hands were cuffed behind his back, more shackles on his ankles that kept him from standing upright. He heard a voice, a voice of the one person that would help him and gasped. "DODDER WATSON, HELP ME!”

John "He's not faking, if that's what you're assuming. His mind fractured, when he was sixteen. Some parts regressed. Some kept growing." He stepped around him and flung the door open. "Stop! Turn off the water, now!" He ignored Sherlock and forced his way through the guards, wading into the hose when they wouldn't stop. "James, sweetie, it's going to be okay," he whispered. "I won't let the mean men hurt Hamish and I'll do what can to protect you." He shielded him with his body as best he could.

"You-" Sherlock sighed, shutting his eyes. He flicked his hand to get them to shut off the hoses, eyes daggers for the pair.

John wrapped him in a towel. "Just remember yesterday, okay? How much fun it was? Remember the warm shower, and the rain? It'll be okay, little one."

James shuddered and leaned against him, soaked and freezing. "D-Dodder Watson," he cried. "H-he took Hamish away. He took him. He didn't wanna go with him, he was scared! He took m-my books, and your picture and my clothes. I told him I'd be a good boy and he still-" He broke off, crying too hard to speak properly. "Dodder Watson!" He sobbed.

John wrapped his arms around the man. "Shhh, I know. I'll find Hamish and take care of him. I know you're a good boy, and I can always color you a new picture. I promise, everything's going to be okay." He looked up at Sherlock, gaze defiant. "He's a child, dammit. A child. How can you possibly treat him like this? You think this will help him get better? Or are you just a sadist?”

Sherlock sneered. "You do know what that 'child' has done, don't you?" He spat. "What he's responsible for doing? Childlike or not, he's a monster." He growled the word at the cowering man in John's arms, an evil sort of smirk on his face when he turned away to cry. He turned his attention back to John. "You're being reassigned."

James whimpered and looked away, the cuffs jingling when he did, hiding in John's chest and crying. "I wanna take a nap, Dodder Watson. I wanna take a nap! I don't wanna be naked no more, I wanna cuddle with Hamish and have my snack and let you read to me! I don't wanna be naked anymore..." He squeaked, tears slurring some of his words.

"The hell I am. I'm the only doctor he hasn't hurt, and you know you can't afford to get rid of me. Doubt you could handle the workman's comp you'll have to pay for replacing me. I'm the best you've got, _Mr. Holmes_." He smoothed James' wet hair. "Shh, it's okay, James. I know. You can't have Hamish just yet, but soon, I promise." The doctor turned to one of the guards. "His uniform. Now." His tone was forceful, utterly in command.

Sherlock sneered, holding up his hand to stop the orderly from moving. "Workman's comp?"

"From the next one who gets hurt."

James tried to get closer to him. "Too cold, too cold, Dodder Watson," he gasped, so scared, eyes swollen, throat sore.

Sherlock chuckled again. "Biding his time. Playing with you." He stalked toward them, squatting in front of them. "Letting you fuck him and think he cares about you. And then he'll snap your goddamn neck."

"B-bad word. You-you said a bad word, bad words," he whimpered, not looking at him. "Dodder Watson's my friend...H-Hamish is my friend! G-give him back!" He cried softly, trying to be brave but he sounded so scared.

John pulled his towel tighter, scowling at Sherlock. "He didn't. James didn't do a thing. I know him better than you could ever imagine. I know what happened. I know every fragment like the back of my hand, and I am telling you, this is only making him worse. I know how dangerous he has the potential to be, believe me, I do. Now get. Back. And let this boy get dressed, Mr. Holmes. He is terrified, and he just wants his clothes and his friend back."

Sherlock growled and waved his hand at the orderly, who went back to getting Jim clean clothes, standing and tossing the keys to Jim's bindings to him. "He's leaving here in the jacket."

James shook his head and looked up at John with big, sad eyes. "You said I don't have to wear it no more. You promised!"

John looked right back at him, tears in his own. "If I fight too hard they'll take me away. You want to be dressed and warm, right? And back where you're safe? If you put this on, just for a little while, I'll find Hamish for you. I promise. That is one thing that's staying."

James started to cry again, this time a little distanced from the doctor, his little heart broken. "You promised. Friends don't break promises..." He shook his head. "I want Hamish!"

John swallowed. "James... James, please... if I don't agree, they might do something bad."

Sherlock opened his mouth to speak when he was cut off. "What the hell is going on?" He turned with another smirk. "Lestrade," he sighed. "It's nothing, really it-" "Why is that patient naked and bound like that?" He frowned, looking from him to John. "It's a process that-" "Process or not, if that's John Watson then his methods are working on that poor sod and yours aren't. This is a hospital, not a prison. Get him dressed and back in his room with everything back to normal, understand?"

John sighed in relief. "Thank you, god, thank you, sir," he breathed. "No jacket, James, see? And Hamish is coming back."

James whimpered, tugging at the cuffs. "U-untie me, please, Dodder Watson? They hurt."

John freed him quickly. "There," he said. "There you go, little one."

James wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tight, sobbing into his neck. "Pwease, Dodder Watson," he forgot to correct himself this time. "I wanna take a nap. I wanna go home!" He cried, wrists and ankles raw.

John nodded. "Give me your hand, James. See? See, I told you it would be okay. Mr. Lestrade, would it possible for me to be on 24-hour care?" He took James' hand. "To be sure this doesn't happen again?"

Sherlock sighed and, well, pouted really. Lestrade nodded and offered him his hand. "Greg, please. And yes, we have a system for special cases like this one, if that's what you'd prefer."

John shook his hand, a relieved smile on his face. "Thank you Greg. Yes, I'd like that. This is a very special case. One that may have been triggered into undoing all the care, all the progress."

James rubbed his eyes, putting his clothes on and took the doctor's hand, shaking where he stood.

"Ready, James? They're going to bring everything back, and I'll replace your nightlight as soon as possible."

Lestrade shut his eyes briefly and shot Sherlock a dark look. "You'd be seeing him at either his or your place of residence; I'll get you the paperwork and he can leave with you today." He looked at Sherlock. "Get his things and bag them."

John blinked. "I... Yes, yes, please. Would you like to come home with me, James?"

James clung to his side and nodded. "I wanna go home. Plehease, Dodder Watson, please...Please, please...I don't wanna hurt anymore."

"You won't, never again." He kept his arm around James as they followed Greg out. "Could, um. Could we have the rabbit outside of a bag?"

Sherlock followed as well, seething. Greg turned to him, looking at him expectantly. "Of course," Sherlock sighed.

"Thank you." When it was brought to him he handed it to James. "Now, James, my apartment's really small. You're going to take the bed, okay? And I'll sleep on the sofa. I have a little lamp you can leave on, at night, that will make you feel safe. Alright?" He kept talking trying to make sure the boy didn't hate him, trying to calm him down.

"D-Don't hurt Hamish," James shivered. The gray haired man gave him a gentle smile. "He won't hurt your friend, alright? Don't you worry." James looked up at John, lips shaking. He clung to John's arm and nodded. "Thank you, Dodder Watson." He watched the gray haired man disappear into an office, feeling funny. 6:05 AM

John saw it happen, the gleam. "Oh, shit. No, no, come on, no. Don't do this. You're almost out of here. Don't fuck this up, Moriarty," he whispered, immediately assuming a defensive posture.

Moriarty's eyes flicked to the icy machine of a man standing near them, his grip on John's hand tightening in his rage. When he spoke his voice dripped with venom, malice, and all the ill intent in the world. "You disgusting motherfucker. You ever put hands on the baby again and I swear to god I will crush your cheekbones in my hands, cut off your dick, and feed it to that fat brother of yours after I shove his umbrella up your arse. And afterward? I'll wipe up the mess with your face, I hope you understand that!" He snarled, disappearing as quickly as he'd come.

Sherlock jumped back at the sudden change, the evil in the man's face making him press against the wall in surprise. He found himself nodding as the gruesome mask was replaced with docile innocence and scurried off to get his things.

John felt his lip twitch into a small smile. "I've never been grateful for that one to show up. Well now. Oh! Welcome back, James." He smoothed his hair. "They're getting the rest of your things- including your book and crayons."

James rubbed his eyes again. "That was weird." 

"You faded out for a second, little one, but you're back.” John hugged him close. "I've got you. I've got you, and you're going to have a good life. I'll make you breakfast when we get home, and you can watch the telly, and take a warm bath... And we can take Hamish on a tour."

James cried softly into his shoulder, nodding. "Okay, Dodder Watson."

John took the bags from Sherlock when he returned. "Greg, is it possible to email me the paperwork?"

James peeked at the scary dark-haired man and hid behind John's arm, trembling. The silver-haired man spoke next. "Yeah, I can do that."

John smiled at him. "Thank you, Greg. We can leave now, yeah?”

James watched the older man nod, still holding tight to John.

John thanked him again and led James outside. He hailed a cab when they reached the curb and helped him in, giving the driver his address.

James looked around outside, shaking a little, sniffling and scared. He clung to John's side, the fast movements and loud noises of the surrounding area making him tremble.

John kissed his hair. "Shh, it's okay. I've got you." When they pulled up, he took the bags and James' hand and led the man inside. "It's small, I'm sorry."

James just cried and looked around, shaken quite a bit from his eventful day. He followed him up, looking around the room that was concise and close like he was used to. He relaxed a bit. "It's very nice, Dodder Watson."

John smiled. "Thank you. Are you hungry? I also have clothes you can wear, proper ones, if you'd like."

James looked at him, trembling and resembling a small, slight bird as he did so, his whole world just having been drastically changed in just a few short hours. He looked at him, tiny sobs becoming bigger before he broke down in tears.

John walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him, guiding him to the bed an coaxing him to sit beside him. "It's okay, sweetie. You're safe. And you're free. I'll take care of you. Forever."

"Everything changed and I don't know why!" He wailed.

John rubbed his back. "This is a good change, James. You're going to have a really good life here- going outside every day, warm baths, decent meals, a big bed, television... And me, all the time."

James rubbed his eyes, his child-like mind only able to focus on one thing at a time. "You're gonna be with me all the time?"

John nodded. "All the time. Unless you're in the bathroom, that's private."

James curled in the doctor's lap, shaking still. "I wan' Hamish."

John handed him the rabbit. "Here, love. Here he is."

James hugged the rabbit close, still curled in the doctor's lap, trying to gain his bearings.

John hummed a song for him, running his hands through James' dark hair.

"C-can I take a nap, now?"

"Yes, sweetie, you can. Want me to tuck you in?"

James shook his head. "I wanna stay here."

John nodded. "Okay. Sleep, James. I'll be right here."

James rested his head against his chest, shivering.

John held him, still singing, a little nervous.

Richard opened his eyes and looked up at him, letting go of a shaky breath. "Hi."

"Hey love. Welcome home."

Richard smiled weakly, eyes swollen. "That was gut-wrenching."

John kissed his forehead. "I'm so sorry. So damn sorry. But you're safe now."

Richard "Shh, it's alright, baby. We're fine. Just rattled."

"I know. Did... What did Sherlock do? I didn't want to scare James worse. Moriarty even stuck up for him. I was glad to see it."

"Came barging in and woke him, started having orderlies take the other books and asked him why the other cot was in there. He asked him what the nightlight was for and James told him it would keep the monsters away and he smashed it, saying it could be used as a weapon. James started crying, he tried to get your picture back and Sherlock tore it in half." He looked down at the rabbit. "He ripped this out of his little fingers and god, he screamed. Cried over and over not to take his friend away, not to put him in the dark bag because he was scared. Told him to be careful of his left paw because he hurt it awhile ago, which was I think had to do with your scar. Sherlock...laughed. Told him that all this pretending and being pampered for it was over. James promised that he'd be a good boy and that he'd been behaving and Sherlock told him he'd been bad. And he was going to be punished." He swallowed, eyes filled with tears. "Telling a five year old to take his clothes off is...is sickening. Hearing him whimper and plead to keep his underwear on just..." He took a breath. "That's when Moriarty got mad. That's when he'd had enough."

John covered his mouth, tears in his eyes. "Oh my god... My poor James... Sherlock is a monster. W-what sis Moriarty do?"

Richard shook his head. "He couldn't get out until you were here."

"Really?"

Richard nodded. "Yes. He didn't trust himself."

John swallowed. "But, he... Oh, god. What... did Sherlock..."

Richard turned his head so John could look at the bruises on the back of his neck.

John sucked in a breath. "Richard... what did he do to you? What did he do to James? I need to know, because I can and will make him pay for it."

"He grabbed the back of his neck and forced him to the floor to handcuff him. Told him he was very bad for not obeying and he was going to be punished for it."

"I'm going to ask a very sensitive question. Did he... Did he molest him? Or did he just haul him to the shower to let the guards abuse him with the hose?"

Richard shook his head. "No, he didn't..." He looked up at him. "But he threatened to."

John felt his jaw clench, the muscle twisting. "That evil bastard," he growled. "God, I... But he didn't. He hurt him, but he didn't make him go through _that_ particular hell again. And now he'll never get the chance. He's safe here. You all are. And if he comes close, I'm not licensed, but I have a gun.”

Richard shook his head. "No, he didn't get that far. Too many people around, I think."

John wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have fucking stayed, christ, I shouldn't have gone home."

"It only would have made it worse, John. It's okay. He'll be okay, he's a tough kid."

John nodded. "Yes, he is. I'm just glad, so glad, that you can all be here now. Though I'll, um. Have to lock my gun up. Just in case he has a bad day."

Richard nodded. "Keep it far away."

"I have a safe place. In fact. I should put it up now. He can't... He can't see when you're in charge, yes?"

Richard shrugged. "I don't know anymore. You might want to just keep it a secret."

John nodded. "Alright."

Richard hugged him. "Thank you."

John hugged him back. "You're welcome. So very, very welcome. Are you hungry? Would you like some tea, or a bath? And, I have clothes. They probably... they'd be a bit loose on you, but there's no reason for you to wear that uniform anymore."

Richard smiled softly. "All of that sounds wonderful."

"Where to start, love? Tea? You could take it into the bath with you."

Richard kissed his cheek. "I'd rather take you in the bath with me."

John blushed. "Really? I can come with?"

"Please."

John stood up and took his hand. "Want to rifle through my clothes now, or later?"

"I can wait.”

John led him to the bathroom, pulling out pyjamas for him from a drawer and a couple towels down from the closet as they passed. "Bubbles?"

Richard smiled. "Please."

John started the water, plugging the tub when it was warm enough and adding a whole cap full of the soap. He undressed and put his clothes in the hamper, kissing Richard's jaw before sitting down in the tub. "Do you want front or back?"

"Back, please," Richard smiled, shyly taking off his own clothes, so pale.

John scooted forward, giving him room. He looked up at Richard, eyes warm, smiling. "You're beautiful."

Richard blushed and slid in behind him. "Thank you."

John leaned back, pulling Richard's arms around his waist. "Mmn. I've never done this before. Been the little spoon, that is. I like it."

Richard kissed his cheek. "You're a cute little spoon."

John giggled. "Thank you." He snuggled close to his chest, basking in the warmth of the water and the arms around him. "Is my apartment too small?"

Richard kissed his cheek. "It's perfect."

"I only have the room for one bed, it's not much better than the cell, but... warm baths, food whenever you like, we can go for walks, and go to movies, which is more freedom than you had there."

Richard kissed his hair, smiling gently. "Bed's plenty big. I like you close."

John giggled. "What about the others? I know Jimmy doesn't mind me being close anymore, and James sleeps better, and Jim likes being held... I think as long as _he_ doesn't come out, we'll be okay in one bed. And I have extra pajamas. Oh! And I got knitting things for Jim."

Richard grinned. "You are just too sweet. Everyone will be fine."

John looked up at him, head tilted back. "You all deserve sweet. And happy. And safe. Now, you won't be able to go out without me, but with me by your side nothing's off limits to you. So tomorrow, we should go shopping."

Richard's brows rose. "Shopping?"

John nodded. "You need clothes, I need groceries, I'll need something to keep Jimmy entertained, I feel like he'll be bored here..."

Richard smiled softly. "In all honesty, Jimmy doesn't know what he likes or what he doesn't."

John frowned a little. "...He never had the time to figure it out, did he?"

Richard shook his head. "No. Hell, Jimmy doesn't even know if he's gay yet."

"James told me he didn't like girls. It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen, after him feeding Hamish clover."

Richard chuckled. "Yes, well, things get more complicated after...after something like that," he said softly. "Much easier to say when you're five."

John blinked. "I'm so sorry. God, I am. You have no idea how glad I am that I can keep him safe, keep all of you safe. No more sterile cell. You get freedom, and sunshine."

Richard kissed his hair. "And you.”

John blushed. "And me."

"Best part."

"I... really? Me?"

Richard nodded. "Of course you."

"Thank you," he breathed. "God, thank you."

Richard smiled. "You're welcome. What are you thanking me for, exactly?"

"Thinking so highly of me. Loving me."

Richard smiled gently. "That's not hard to do, love."

John rolled over so that his was on his stomach, looking up at him. "You're the best part of my life."

Richard pinked. "Really?"

John nodded. "Best thing to ever happen to me."

"I...wow."

John kissed his chin. "What?"

"That's just...incredible to think about."

"Mmn. I mean it. All of you. Hell, even him. I care about you all. I love you. … Maybe not him..."

Richard smiled, tears in his eyes. "I love you too. Most all of us do."

John chuckled. "I don't expect him to, and that's fine, he'd rather show me my spleen than like me, and that's fine too. But you have me, and you'll always have me, and I'm going to take care of you. Even if the flat’s small, even if it’s no more than a glorified cell..."

"Shh...Hey. I will let you. I will want you. And I don't care if we live in a cardboard box, baby. I just want to be with you. You make it better."

John blushed. "No boxes. This is at least a little better than what you had, I know. And it'll work. It'll be wonderful, because you'll have me, and I'll have you."

Richard kissed his cheek. "Always."

"Mmn. Always."

Richard grinned and snuggled him again.

John held him close, moving his teacup out of the way before leaning back with him in the tub.

Richard kissed his throat.

John ran his hands through his damp blond hair. "I'll have to get up when the food gets here."

"Stay here until then…”

"I will. I'm not going anywhere. Not for anything."

Richard kissed his cheek. "Never."

"Are you glad, to be out of the hospital? Wait, that's a stupid question, of course you are- that place was terrible. Let me rephrase it: do you really think you'll like it here?"

Richard smiled. "Of course I like it here," he whispered.

"Good, I'm glad."

Richard grinned at him. "You make everything so wonderful."

"Do I?"

Richard nodded. "You've made everything better."

John blushed. "I'm glad. I want you to be happy and safe."

"And I'm happy and safe with you."

John kissed his ear. "Good."

Richard heard the bell ring and groaned. "That's your cue, love." 2:36 AM

John kissed his cheek and rose, walking to the bathroom door. He wrapped his robe around his shoulders and gave his hair a half-hearted rub with a towel before heading into the living room. He paid for the food and carried it back to the bed.

Richard was salivating the moment the aroma reached him, swallowing a little. He climbed out as well, putting on a pair of John’s pyjamas and joining him.

John sat down and handed him his meal, with a little plastic fork. "Dig in."

Richard smiled at him. "Thank you."

John began to eat, moaning at the taste of his chicken.

Richard flushed. "Forgot about that."

"Mmn? About what?"

"Your...food noises."

John bit his lip. "Heard those, then? I'm sorry, I can try to, to tone them down."

Richard shook his head. "Don't you dare."

John smiled and took another bite, his eyes fluttering closed. "Mmn..."

Richard shivered and kept eating.

John looked up at him through his lashes. "Good?"

Richard nodded eagerly. "Very good."

John finished and sat back, letting his eyes fall closed.

Richard set his food aside when he was done, kissing his hair.

John smiled and leaned into his lips, a little sad when they left. He passed Richard the remote and listened to him flip through the channels, pleased to hear it stop on Doctor Who.

Moriarty brought his lips beside the doctor's ear. "Boo."

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, okay. I edited the last chapters together, because it was woefully short, so here is the sweet (and sexy) end to Fractured!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read, all the kind words, all the subscriptions and kudos and reminding me to edit the sodding thing. Chloe sends her love as well, and thanks everyone for sticking with us and putting up with my slow arse. :)
> 
> I hope it's an acceptable stopping point, we tend to have a habit of ending on high note and leaving the fine details up to the imagination, and no one's complained yet, but this is one of the more popular collabs we've done, so there's always the chance. With the past few chapters, we get to see each of the Jims reacting to their new environment, which seemed like a good ending spot.
> 
> Anyway, thank you, and we hope you enjoyed it!

John opened his eyes, heart pounding. _Oh, shit._ "Hello, Mr. Moriarty." He opened his eyes, staying as still as possible.

Moriarty looked around the room. "Where are we?" He whispered.

"My flat. You've been released into my care, as a live-in patient. If you behave, you'll have every amenity that it's possible for me to provide."

Moriarty's eyes were dark. "So Sherlock can't hurt the baby anymore?"

John shook his head. "He can't hurt any of you again. If he comes onto my property, he'll be leaving in an ambulance.”

Moriarty grinned. "Good."

John felt a little of his apprehension fade. "You really terrified him. I was glad."

"I wanted to rip out his entrails with my teeth, so it was a good thing you showed up," he growled.

John swallowed. "I'm glad you waited, then. Or you never would have gotten out of there. He's safe now, you're all safe now."

Moriarty looked around briefly again. "Mmhm.”

John followed his glance. _No weapons, not that are easily found. Good._

Moriarty's eyes went back to him. "You think I'm going to kill you in your sleep or something?"

"Possibly. Or someone else."

"I don't want to do that," he said truthfully.

John blinked. _Not sure how well I trust, given what you did to me last time..._ "Oh... Thank you, Mr. Moriarty. Um. Can I get you anything?"

"Pen and paper."

John nodded and got him both, retrieved from his desk.

Moriarty wrote down a series of numbers and handed it to him. "That's a bank account in the Dominican. Thirty million pounds in there, if you need it, which..." He looked around the flat again. "You might."

John looked down at the paper, and then back to his brown eyes. "Thirty... Don't you need this, though? You're essentially free now, after all..."

"Yeah, I need it to live with you."

"Won't... I'm not so bad. I'll... Alright. You're going to want a nicer place, I imagine, where you can have some privacy?"

Moriarty frowned and looked up at him. "You said we need new clothes, well there's the money for it. The baby needs toys, the crying kid's going to want hoodies to hide in, I need at least one decent suit and we all eat. You've got the money for it now. For anything. I don't need privacy. Might need a phone when we get better, but that's for the host, not me."

John looked at him, surprised. "What size suit? And brand? Or will you come out when it's time?"

Moriarty nodded. "I'll go with you."

"Alright. I can do that, then. Clothes, food, toys, phone. Anything else?"

Moriarty shook his head. "Not that I can think of."

John leaned back on the bed. "How do I use this account?"

"You have a mobile?"

John nodded and pulled it out. "Yes."

"Type in the first set of numbers and press pound. Type the pin next, hit pound again. Type your name and press talk."

John wrote it down beside the paper. "Alright." He glanced back up. "Thank you."

Moriarty smiled. "You're welcome. Once you do that you just have to pick which pin you put in when you check out at the store. Mine or yours. They both work on your card but it won't show up on your bank statement. No unexplained deposits and the like."

John leaned back against the pillows. "You're brilliant."

"Yep."

"You're welcome to help yourself to whatever you want. Telly, tea, whatever food you can find, the bathroom..."

Moriarty chuckled. "Didn't expect me to be this agreeable, did you?”

"After our last few meetings, no."

Moriarty snorted. "Ever think that's what happens when you put a tiger in a cage?"

"It occurred to me, yes. But now there's no cage."

Moriarty nodded. "Hence my mild-mannered mood...for now, at least."

"... I like it. What do you mean, for now?"

Moriarty shrugged. "I'm moody."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Moriarty frowned. "Why?"

"I'm sure that isn't easy on you, with everything else you have to deal with."

Moriarty chuckled. "You're much too nice to me."

John "Well, yes, I am. But after everything, you need some nice."

Moriarty snorted. " _I'm_ not nice."

"Apparently you are, at least sometimes."

"Mm. Dormant and nice aren't the same thing."

"This is nice, though."

"Talking to me about all the illegal money I have?" Moriarty chuckled.

John grinned. "Talking to you about anything, when you're not eager for a fight. Or strapping me to a bed."

"You loved that and you know it."

John blushed. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Moriarty chuckled. "I love it when I'm right."

John looked over at him. "... Did, um, did _you_ enjoy it?”

Moriarty smiled. "Yes, yes, I did."

John licked his lips. "That's good, I'm glad."

"Really?"

John nodded. "Yes."

"Surprising."

"Why's it surprising?"

Moriarty "Because I thought you'd hate me for that."

"No, god, not for the sex. That was... Scary, but incredible. What bothered me is what you did to Jimmy."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm a twat."

"Apparently, sometimes. Other times, you seem to care."

Moriarty nodded. "Told you. Mood swings."

John swallowed. "Glad you're in a good one right now."

"And if I wasn't?"

"If you were violent, I'd try to restrain you. Or subdue you. And if you were depressed, well, I'd try to help."

Moriarty chuckled. "Restrain me?" There was a purr to his voice.

John heard the tone, heart beating a little faster. "I have handcuffs, yes."

Moriarty grinned. "If you could get them on me before I got them on you I'd be very, very impressed."

John let out a slow breath. "I move fairly quickly despite my age. Might be a fun challenge.”

"Mm, maybe we should try it for fun sometime," he growled.

John groaned softly. "Yes. Yes."

"Ooh, someone's keen on the idea."

John cleared his throat. "A little, yes."

Moriarty licked his lips. "God, you do like me."

John blushed and looked down at his hands. "Yeah. I do."

Moriarty chuckled. "Dangerous game."

"I know, that's... That's part of the attraction."

"Ooh, like a little venom in your life, huh?"

"Sounds sexy when you say it like that. Yes, I like a little danger, a little uncertainty. I like the adrenaline rush."

Moriarty grinned and nipped at his ear. "Apparently."

John shivered, eyes falling closed. Moriarty's mouth was warm, his teeth grazing the doctor's flesh. _I wouldn't mind more of that._

Moriarty chuckled. "You like that?" He breathed.

John nodded. "Yes," he said quietly. "I do."

Moriarty bit his ear again. "Tell me why."

John whimpered. "Y-you're beautiful. You're brilliant. You're a, a complete mystery to me. A stranger. I know the others fairly well, but you... You've threatened me, you've fucked me, and those have been our only interactions. Your mouth is warm, your teeth sharp, your breath is ghosting along my skin... And I know I'm nothing to you, and that's fine, it's all fine, because this is a step up from wanting to gut me out of boredom. You're incredibly sexy, and like you said when you had me strapped down, you know it."

Moriarty grinned and licked his teeth, biting at his neck. "Mmn..."

John moaned and bared more skin for those beautiful teeth. _Please don't hate me, guys._

Moriarty groaned, sucking a mark.

John clawed at the blanket, eyes unfocused when he finally opened them. _Marking me... Oh, jesus, yes..._

Moriarty growled and bit and sucked and moaned, a hand coming to rest on his thigh.

John panted, breathing heavily through parted lips. _Yes, god, yes..._

Moriarty chuckled. "Horny sod, aren't you?"

John blushed furiously. "I'm sorry."

Moriarty grinned against his flesh. "No you're not."

John shivered again, gooseflesh crawling along his skin. "You're right."

Moriarty grinned and sucked behind his ear, growling.

"O-ohn..." He rolled his hips a little, shifting on the bed.

Moriarty slipped his hand closer to his crotch, groaning.

John knew what he'd find if he moved closer- the doctor was hardening beneath his attentions, memories of their first encounter rising in his mind.

Moriarty growled, touching the edge of his hardening cock and groaned. "Oh...look what I found."

John sucked in a sharp breath. "O-oops..."

"Like me that much, Johnny?"

John nodded weakly. _Johnny..._ "Yes..."

Moriarty's eyes glinted. "Like it when I call you that?"

John bit his lip. "Y-yes, Mr. Moriarty, I do."

Moriarty growled. "I like it when you call _me_ that..." He cooed, placing his palm more firmly on his arousal.

"O-ohn!" John rolled his head back with a throaty moan. "Should, should I keep it up, then, _Mr. Moriarty_?" He shouldn't be playing on, he shouldn't be so turned on- Richard was watching. He loved him, god, he did, but Moriarty... In Jim's body, he was absolutely irresistible.

Moriarty snaked another hand in his hair and yanked it back. "Only if you stop thinking about _them_ and keep your focus on _me."_

John yelped, meeting his eyes. "Yes sir," he whispered, full attention on the man beside him.

Moriarty grinned. "Good boy," he growled, turning his face to kiss him properly.

John kissed him back, almost desperate.

"Ooh, someone likes getting bossed around, huh captain?"

"Mmn, yes, sir."

Moriarty "Get up in front of me and take off your clothes. Nice and slow."

John did as he was told, sliding off the bed. When he was positioned in front of Moriarty, he began to strip. His blue eyes were locked on the other man's, hands undoing the buttons, slowly dropping his shirt to the floor.

Moriarty grinned, eyes darkening again. "Mm..."

John slid his trousers down his hips, letting Moriarty get a good look at his tight red y-fronts.

Moriarty licked his lips. "Look at that..."

"At what?"

"You...your pants..."

John blushed. "Ridiculous, I know."

Moriarty shook his head. "Sexy."

"On or off, sir?"

Moriarty "Keep them on until I'm done with you," he growled, motioning him forward. "Come here so I can get my mouth on you."

John moved closer, licking his lips as he came into Moriarty's reach. _Oh my god, the way you make me feel..._

Moriarty mouthed over his crotch, growling.

John gasped, watching him with wide eyes as the cotton dampened. "O-oh, Mr. Moriarty..."

Moriarty groaned and kneaded his thighs, growling.

John looked down at him, their eyes locked as Moriarty massaged him through the thin material. "Oh my god, your mouth..."

"Good, huh?"

John nodded. "Yes, fuck yes."

Moriarty chuckled and tongued inside his pants through the opening at the front, groaning aloud.

John felt his legs threaten to buckle, catching himself on the nightstand. "Mmf, fuck... You just... know exactly what, what to do to me..."

Moriarty grinned. "Not so hard. It's easy to read what you want..."

John moaned. "It is?"

Moriarty nodded, fingers sliding back and inside his pants, fingertips barely touching his arse while he continued to tongue his cock.

John moaned, the slight contact sending shivers down his spine.

Moriarty chuckled. "See?"

"Y-yes," John breathed. "God, yes."

Moriarty's hands slid inside to cup him firmly, growling. "Such a hot little arse you've got there."

John rocked into his hands with a whimper. "T-thank you, Mr. Moriarty."

Moriarty grinned. "Oh, you're very welcome," he growled, sliding smooth fingers in the crevice of his arse.

John had to brace himself against the nightstand again, trembling slightly. _Oh, fuck, yes. Please, please..._

Moriarty grinned. "You like that?" He growled. "Huh?" He growled, teasing the muscle. "Mm, its almost a crime to take these off of you."

"Yes, god, I love that, love your hands... You could always just, pull them down..."

Moriarty looked up at him, black eyes locked with his and caught his waistband in his teeth, tugging them down slowly.

"Oh my god," John whispered, eyes widening. "F-fuck, Mr. Moriarty..." He could barely see, barely think, as the last remaining composure he held drained away. _I want you. Now, fuck, now!_

Moriarty grinned, dragging his tongue up his cock in a slow, deep lick. "Mmn..."

"Fuck!" The doctor watched him with an expression of mixed pleasure and awe.

Moriarty took him in his mouth and groaned aloud.

John whimpered as the warm, wet heat wrapped around him. "M-Mr. Moriarty, ohn..."

Moriarty's lashes fluttered and he took him deeper, groaning.

John gripped the wood with a shaking hand. "P-please, please, don't stop..."

Moriarty swallowed him down until his nose touched his stomach, working his throat around him.

John curved his spine, stretching above him as those soft, full lips took every inch of him. "Mmn! Mr. Moriarty, oh god!"

Moriarty pulled back with a growl. "How about I fuck you senseless?"

"Yes, please, yes."

Moriarty grinned up at him. "Turn around."

John did as he was told, facing away from Moriarty.

Moriarty starting biting at his cheeks, spreading his cleft and tonguing at the muscle.

John scratched at the table. "F-fuck! Oh, mmn, yes..."

Moriarty chuckled, working his mouth deeper and groaning.

John whined loudly, legs shaking. He had nothing but the small square end-table to hold himself up with.

Moriarty continued licking into him, his free hand moving to brush against his cock.

John felt his hips jerk involuntarily. "Mmn! Fuck!"

Moriarty grinned. "All in good time, baby..."

"D-do I taste alright?"

Moriarty growled. "You taste incredible..." He moaned.

"G-good, I'm, I'm glad."

Moriarty felt the muscle give and slid his tongue inside with a groan.

John practically howled, already dripping. _So good..._

Moriarty snarled against his skin, still fucking into him readily.

"P-please, please, Mr. Moriarty... more..."

"Tell me what you want..."

"I, I want you to fuck me, sir..."

Moriarty grinned, his stubble scraping his skin as he worked, raking nails down the backs of his legs.

John didn't realize how good the man's sparse facial hair would feel until he was wordlessly begging, coming undone beneath his mouth and his nails.

Moriarty groaned and pulled back. "Think you're ready?" He hissed.

John nodded weakly. "Yes sir." He had no idea where his submissive streak had come from, but it was in full control with Moriarty.

Moriarty licked his lips. "Lube?"

"In the nightstand."

"Get it for me. You _are_ leaning on it."

John opened the drawer and took it out, placing it in Moriarty's waiting hand.

Moriarty grinned and slicked himself, edging inside.

John gasped, surprised by the slow pace, by the heat of him.

Moriarty started sliding in and out of him.

John held onto the stand, moaning as Moriarty moved. "F-fuck! O-ohn, Mr., Mr. Moriarty..."

"Mmn, you like this? Yeah? Fuck, you're so tight..."

"Y-you feel so, so good, god..."

Moriarty kept moving, rocking hard and fast.

John felt the wood shifting beneath him. He was very vocal, sighing and gasping with every thrust, his whole body singing with lust.

Moriarty groaned. "You feel so good..."

"D-do I, sir? Mmn, thank you..."

Moriarty bit at the back of his neck, squeezing his hips. "Haven't fucked anyone in this bed before, have you?"

"Ah! Mmn, no, no one, sir."

Moriarty snarled. "Good..."

John hung his head, simply feeling, nails scratching the wood as Moriarty snapped his hips forward.

Moriarty groaned and kept moving, grinding against his prostate and watching him writhe.

John couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but hang on as the man drove into him, pressing against his nerves.

Moriarty bit his shoulders and the exit wound as he worked.

John screamed, legs buckling as Moriarty's teeth closed on his ragged scar. "FUCK! Ohn, god!"

Moriarty grinned. "You like that? Is that sensitive, love?" He snarled.

John nodded. "Yehes, god, it's... feels fucking incredible, sir..."

Moriarty licked the spot and bit again, suckling eagerly.

John moaned, the sound high and sharp and utterly obscene. "Oh, fuck, yes!"

Moriarty groaned. "Mmn...thank you. God, thank you, so much."

John "F-for, for what, Mr. Moriarty?"

Moriarty "Making those pretty little noises for me." He angled his hips and bit down again.

John gasped, throwing his head back. "OHN! Mm, you're, so welcome... christ, I'm close..." The bites were pushing him closer to edge, making his whole body tremble with pleasure.

"Bet if I touched your prick you'd come so hard you'd see stars," he growled.

John nodded weakly. "Y-yes, yes, sir, I would…”

Moriarty grinned and reached around, touching his prick and running fingers along his shaft with a greedy moan.

John felt his eyes roll back in his head as another scream tore its way from his lips. He came wordlessly over Moriarty's fingers, entire body locking and shaking.

Moriarty grinned and kept moving, grinding into him. He ground into his sensitive body well past his limits, whimpering before he came himself, plunged deep inside of him and grunting.

John trembled as Moriarty fucked into him, still hard, still fast. He whimpered and whined, finally feeling him release inside of him. "Mmn..." He let out a shuddering breath, a small smile pulling at his lips.

Moriarty bit his neck and pulled him down onto the bed with him.

John groaned, eyes fluttering as they fell onto the mattress. "Mmn..." Moaning seemed to be all he could do. They were still attached, still tangled, all toned limbs and sweat-slicked flesh as they laid together.

"Mm. I'm not good at this afterglow, thing."

"S'fine. You could kiss me, that'd be nice."

Moriarty did so, nipping his lips.

John groaned, threading a hand in his soft, dark hair. When they parted, he smiled. "Mmn. Perfect."

"Mushy," he grumbled, arm around his shoulders.

John snorted. "I'm sorry. Let me amend that. Sexy as fuck."

"Thank you," Moriarty grinned.

John chuckled. "You're very welcome. I'm going to need something to call you, though. As much as you enjoy Mr. Moriarty, it seems a little cumbersome to use all the time."

"All my names are taken."

"Nothing you prefer to be called?"

Moriarty smirked. "Unless you want to call me Daddy..."

John flushed deeply. "Daddy?"

Moriarty nodded. "Mmhm. Gets me all tingly."

John licked his lips. " _Daddy_ ," he breathed. "Mmn. I like that."

Moriarty grinned, eyes falling shut. "Me too."

John pulled back, giving him some space. "I was afraid of you at first, with good reason. You put me in my place so quickly, and I tried to stand up to you, but... You just, have this... energy. You command, and even I can't fight it. I'm still a little afraid of you, but you're not a one-note man. You're dangerous, and brilliant, and quick-witted, and so damned sexy... even when you're issuing threats. But that, that could be attributed to the mood swings, like you said. This calm, that is. Regardless, I'm glad that there's more to you than what you let people see."

Moriarty glanced at him. "Don't spread that around. I have a reputation. But thank you, John."

John grinned. "Your secret's safe with me."

Moriarty chuckled. "Thank you."

"So. What else do you want to do?"

Moriarty shrugged. "Fuck shit up."

John blinked. "Might want to, uh, lay low for a few days."

“Yeah, I figured as much. I should let the other ones come see you anyway. The crying kid's gonna need a minute to adjust."

John nodded. "See you tomorrow then, get you a few new suits?" He started to pull his clothes back on.

Moriarty nodded and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

John smiled and offered him his clothes. "You're quite welcome, Daddy."

Moriarty got dressed again. "See you later."

Jimmy looked around rapidly, chest heaving almost immediately. "What happened?" He stammered. "What-what's going on? Where am I?" 2:4 AM

John opened his laptop and pulled up the papers from Greg, passing it to him. "Due to the disgusting action of Mr. Holmes today, you were released into my custody as a live-in patient. He went too far in front of the wrong people so, thankfully, you won't have to deal with him anymore."

Jimmy shakily took the computer. "What did he do?”

"Confiscated your things, broke a night light, threatened you with harm, tried to choke you, forced you into the shower- his style of shower. I stopped him, and he was caught mistreating you. He may not lose his job, with his connections, but he can't hurt you anymore, and that's what matters.

Jimmy's lips shook. "Oh...How...how did I get out? Who stopped him?"

"I did. I stopped him, and that gave Dr. Lestrade time to find the three of us. He released you into my custody, and I brought you here, to my home."

Jimmy set the laptop aside and got up, hugging John tight around his middle, face in his chest.

John hugged him back. "The bed's all yours; unless you want me with you, during the night, I'll take the floor. Bathroom's down the hall, the door locks, absolute privacy for you. I'll be going shopping tomorrow, so if there's anything you want, just make me a list, okay?"

Jimmy nodded and kept hugging him, sniffing. "Thank you so much."

John held him close. "You're welcome, dear."

"So...so I'm free? Kind of?"

John nodded. "Mhm. You can do whatever you want, really, but if you leave the flat, I have to accompany you."

"That's okay. I don't think I'll want to," he said softly.

"Won't want to leave? Even to go to the park?"

Jimmy glanced at the window. "Outside scares me. Other people scare me," he whispered.

John smoothed his hair. "Alright. I just, I don't want you to feel trapped."

Jimmy shook his head. "I don't. Not here. Not with you."

"Alright."

Jimmy sniffed again. "Should I let go?"

"No. God, no. Not until you're ready."

Jimmy nodded. "Okay. I won't, then," he nodded.

John sat with him, holding him tightly.

Jimmy sniffled and snuggled into his chest with a coo.

John touched his hair. "Do you need anything?"

Jimmy shook his head. "I don't think so, no."

"Alright." He continued to hold Jimmy, marveling at his warmth, at the closeness.

Jimmy shivered against him. "So, I never have to see that man again?"

"Never. If he sets foot in the building, I'll call the police."

"And I get to stay with you instead?"

John nodded. "Mhm. You get to live with me, and I'll keep taking care of you."

"That...thank you. Thank you for saving me again."

John chuckled. "Again?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yes, again," he breathed.

"When was the first time?"

"When you became my doctor."

John smiled down at him. "I'm glad I can help you. I'm glad you let me. I'm glad to have met you." _I'm still your doctor, and so much more._

Jimmy smiled a little. "You are?"

John nodded. "Yes, I am.”

"That's...wonderful. I don't think anyone's liked me before."

John "I think anyone who got to know you would like you. You're wonderful."

"You're the first," he whispered."

"I'm sorry. That others haven't. But I will make up for that lack, I promise."

Jimmy smiled and hugged him tighter. "You're doing a good job so far."

John nuzzled against him. "Thank you."

Jimmy smiled a little "Thank _you."_

John placed his chin on Jimmy's head and rubbed his back, never letting his hands stray down past his shoulders.

"You're a good man, Dr. Watson."

"So are you, Jimmy."

Jimmy looked up at him. "I am?"

John nodded. "Yes, you are. You're kind, and brave, and brilliant, and handsome. You're a very good man.”

Jimmy smiled a little wider than the time before. "Thank you."

John "You're so very welcome. I love it when you smile."

Jimmy blushed. "You do?"

"Yes, I do. You have a very beautiful smile."

Jimmy folded his lips and dropped his gaze. "Thank you."

John frowned a little. "I'm sorry, I hope my compliment didn't make you uncomfortable."

"No! No, it's just...you're very handsome and saying that to me," he mumbled, shy.

John felt himself blush, the smile returning. "You... think I'm handsome? Thank you, Jimmy."

Jimmy swallowed. "Well, yes. I mean look at you, I-" He blushed, eyes falling again. "Sorry."

"Hey, it's alright. I like it when you compliment me."

Jimmy looked up at him. "You don't think I'm dirty?"

John blinked. "Of course I don't. I think you're beautiful."

Jimmy flushed bright red but didn't look away. "Thank you."

John smiled warmly at him, trying to remember that no matter how old he looked, he was still just a teenager. "You're welcome." _So beautiful, though, with his big brown eyes and shy smiles. And when he blushes... Shit, I sound creepy, don't I? Dammit, John, keep it together. You're already going to have to answer for letting Moriarty have you again._

Jimmy kissed his cheek and nestled back into his chest.

John felt his cheeks flush in turn and ran his hand through Jimmy's hair. "I like this. Comforting you, having you close. It feels nice."

Jimmy smiled gently. "Thank you. I like being held and not hit."

John "I'll never hit you, Jimmy, and I'll hold you as often as you like."

Jimmy kissed his cheek again.

John giggled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"The kiss."

Jimmy blushed. "That doesn't bother you, right?"

John "No, sweetie. It doesn't bother me at all. I like it."

Jimmy smiled softly. "Okay. Good."

John closed his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. _No matter which one you are, I love you. I love all of you._

Jimmy rested with him, comfortable and warm. Safe.

"If you need anything, just let me know. You should still make that list later, for when I go shopping."

Jimmy nodded. "I...I don't think I'll think of anything."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know what to ask for. Or what I'd want."

John "You could look around online, you know."

"I..." He shook his head. "I don't know who I am," he breathed, lips shaking.

"You have all the time in the world to find out. Start with books, or movies. You can stream some, find out your tastes. I promise you, you'll find yourself."

"Okay," he said softly.

"And I'll be with you every step of the way."

"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for being there for me."

"You're welcome, Jimmy. I love being able to help you."

Jimmy "Because you're a good doctor."  

"And a good friend."

Jimmy smiled up at him. "I'm a little tired," he admitted. "It okay if I sleep?"

John nodded. "Of course. Want me to tuck you in?"

Jimmy blushed and nodded.

John lifted him slowly and carried him to the top of the bed. He turned down the covers and laid him down, tucking the comforter around him. He placed a soft kiss to his forehead with a smile. "Sleep well, Jimmy."

Jimmy blushed again , hiding his face a little. "Thank you, Dr. Watson," he whispered, shutting his eyes.

"You're welcome, little one."

Jimmy smiled a little, happy to sleep with someone else in the room for the first time in a long time.

John sat down at his desk when he saw Jimmy curl up, deciding to work on the paperwork Greg had emailed him.

Jim yawned awake and frowned, looking around curiously. "Okay," he said softly. "This is a new one."

John blushed. "Long story short, Sherlock hurt you, I stopped him, Dr. Lestrade stepped in and allowed you to be a live-in patient. This is, um. My flat."

Jim's brows rose and his face broke into a grin. "Fuck, I won the goddamn lottery."

John giggled. "It's not much better than what you had, except with the inclusion of a kitchen and a bathroom. And you get to go outside, as long as I'm with you.

Jim shook his head. "I won the lottery because I'm...I'm with you."

John blushed and moved to sit beside him. "I feel the same about getting to take care of you."  

Jim smiled at him and sat up, kissing him deeply. "This is got to be the best day of my life. Holy shit, we are going to have so much sex," he giggled.

John groaned and kissed him back, wrapping his arms around him. "Oh, god, I was hoping you'd say that."

Jim smiled at him. "I'm gonna get better," he nodded. "Right here with you. And...and it's almost gonna be normal, right?"

John kissed his nose. "Not almost. Entirely. It'll be entirely normal. We'll go shopping, and go to movies, and we'll curl up in bed at night and put the telly on... And yes, you will get better."

Jim smiled, wide and looking ungodly happy. Without reservations, without confines and without fear. Just utter adoration for this man in front of him. "I love you," he blurted, grinning. "Fuck, I do. I don't care if it's earlier or whatever, I fuckin' love you, John Watson. And not because you got me out of that hellhole." He smirked. "It's because of that sweet arse of yours." He dropped a wink.

John bit his lip, grinning right back. "I love you too, Jim Moriarty, and this apparently 'sweet arse' is entirely yours. Whenever you want it. I'd do anything for you, absolutely anything."

Jim kissed him. "How about if I take you up on that later? Because right now I would really like to watch some television. I haven't seen one in years," he smiled.

John was honestly relieved. "Here's the remote, darling. I need to finish the paperwork anyway."

Jim hugged him. "Stay."

"Mmn, alright. I suppose I can't argue with that."

Jim snuggled with him, happy. Not perfect, no. But happy. And that was plenty enough for him.

 


End file.
